[It's dark, so it's quite difficult to see. If Mizuki stares long enough, he'll see small, green-glowing lights. Two are shaped like balls. Two are shaped like curved lines, fatter at the centre than at the ends. The last is shaped like a V.]
[The green lights flicker for a moment. There's the distant sound of breathing from beyond the veil, if Mizuki's hearing is sharp enough to make it out in the first place.]
[ He starts to take a step forward, but there's something that stops him. There's a voice in his head pulling him back, and though it's in his own tone, he knows it's not his own.
How do they know your name? Something isn't right. ]
… [ But he doesn't want to not help people…??? ] How?
[ Mizuki gives a little nod, digging around in his bag to pull out a small pad of paper to write that down before looking back up. Duty… protect… new moon, purify, 1st sentinel, grove's guardian.
…
None of that makes sense to him, but— ]
Okay, Protector, I'll let the others know. They're real smart, so we'll all figure out how to help you, okay? Ah—
[ From his bag, he pulls out one of his saltwater taffies and places it just on the edge of the fog. ]
[ Caoimhe had yet to enter this strange building that she had learned recently belonged to Mizuki. Wanting to see it for herself, but also apologize to him as well. The elven woman found herself entering into its domain, with eyes looking around attempting to find where her friend may be. ]
Mi... Mizuki?
[ After a moment of being a bit lost and uncertain, she pulls out a copper wire and sends a sending spell to Mizuki. ]
'Hello, I wanted to talk to you. Are you at the place you built? I am inside as well.. Trying to find you.
[ Mizuki only doesn’t hear Caoimhe because of the headphones he has on, listening to his music, but the sending spell snaps him out of his little trance. There’s something inherently… exciting to hear someone else in his head. The little jellyfish has to take a moment to recompose himself, else he lost to the other voices in his head yelling at him to seek out that oneness he so craves.
He’s good. He’s fine. It’s all okay. Caoimhe hadn’t wanted to commit to something like that anyway. This just felt like a tease…
Mizuki pops his head out from the pile of stuffed animals in the corner of the room, previously totally buried as he pulls his headphone out. ]
[ LMFAFNJKDSF the way i spliced in some cool dynamic without realizing.... ]
Mizuki! [ Caoimhe's voice lights up but then, her expression seems to look away as she places the wire back into her bag. Giving the look of someone who felt dejected and overall, ashamed of something that happened. After the two were closer, she looked around a bit and let out a slight exhale. ] Um... I wanted to apologize for the other day when... W-When I cast the spell of winds at you.
[ Mizuki’s got a thing for people being in his head, sorry, Caoimhe… He seems to have the sense to not let it get to him, though. He just seems… confused. ]
Huh? Apologize?? Whyever for? [ Beat. ] Oh! Were you worried you hurt me? Don’t worry, my stingers don’t really have nerves.
Yes that as well... [ Caoimhe is glad to hear that he was not hurt by the spell she cast, but it seemed the truth of what she had done did not ail his mind. Although, on the one hand, she felt this was okay and good - the more important truth was that she needed to convey this and let him know how she truly felt that day. ]
Mizuki that day... That day I was more scared that you were going to eat Chung, than I was hurting you or anything else... And I wanted to apologize for that, to think of you so horribly. [ She had begun to look into his eyes, but then, emotions overwhelmed her and she truly felt she discarded Mizuki's feelings at that moment. ] With everything going on within the grove, and everything that I knew becoming challenged... In that moment - I thought, horribly of you and that you would hurt others around you. I... [ Her voice becomes shaky, and she tries her best to continue speaking. ] I cannot watch you when you eat another like you did, such imagery haunts my mind. After everything I have seen so far... Everything seems to blend sometimes... It is frightening, I am sorry.... I did not mean to feel as if you were a monster at that moment.
[ She bows her head, hands at her heart clutching to it tightly. ]
[ Mizuki starts to shift himself out of the pile of toys about halfway through Caoimhe's explanation, closing whatever distance is between them. Finally, when she finishes, he pulls her in for a hug, carefully petting a hand against the back of her head. ]
Shh, you don't have anything to apologize for. I hadn't meant to scare you. I'm sorry for that! I'll eat somewhere more private next time, okay?
How funny you would think I would eat Chung, though~! You are all good people, you know? I'd never do that to any of you while you were still alive, okay? So you don't have to worry about that.
[ He drops his head to settle his chin against her shoulder. ]
Besides, you're not too far off. I mean, what kind of non-monster causes people to go mad and allows his friends to get hurt like that, right~?
[ When the other hugs her, she leans into it more and holds far tighter than he had. ]
... I know... I'm sorry... [ She felt like a bad friend, to have thought that Mizuki would ever do something like that. Unable to accept in that moment, something about him that scared her - it was wrong, of her to not accept him as he is. Especially in a moment, that Mizuki himself was clearly helping them all with. ]
B-But... I don't know why - I don't understand why you eat others like that... [ But Gods consume people, Devils eat souls, and living beings eat animals - it's all the same ultimately. ] ... But, I know Mizuki only does things because he cares about all of us... So I know what you were doing was to help us, and it's okay... [ Her locks of hair seem to drown the other's face within it. Her voice gets a bit quieter, and she holds him still without letting him go. ] S-Sometimes we hurt each other... But... I-It's okay, that's why... That's why I came here to talk to you because even if you didn't realize it... Even if you didn't understand - I still h-hurt you Mizuki, and I wanted you to know... I am sorry... I-I will do better.
Caoimhe, it's alright. There's no reason to be so beside yourself~. You really don't have to apologize to me. I didn't think you were doing poorly or anything. You were scared and there was a lot going on. That's a completely reasonable reaction, okay?
[ He combs his fingers through her hair. ]
I do care about all of you. Would it calm you any if I told you why I did it?
[ She listens to his warm voice, and is glad that he did not find her a terrible friend. Pulling back away from him, she looks to find his face. Attempting to rub the tears from her eyes. ] W-were you H-hungry...? [ I mean why else do you eat? ]
Ehehe, I mean, yes~. But I'm always hungry, so, not quite that.
[ Endless, insatiable, eldritch hunger is a bitch sometimes. ]
My mentor taught me how to… absorb all the goodness around me and share that unto others. But, even more than that, he taught me how to expel the evil within myself.
[ Mizuki offers out his own gloved hand, attempting to help wipe away some of those tears. ]
Taking someone's evil into myself means I can get rid of it. So I try to eat the things I kill to absolve them of that. It's… a little different here, since things "respawn", so it's not like there's an afterlife or anything like that, but… if I can offer just a little bit of solace, I'm going to try.
.. That must be horrible to feel so hungry and be unable to eat... [ She gives the other a quaint frown, concerned over their wellbeing completely. ]
You can... Eat evil..? And... Share goodness...? [ Never in her life had she ever heard about such an ability - it is so unique and intricate... sadly they never got to the eldritch abominations stuff, so Caoimhe knows NOTHING about that mess. ]
If you consume them.. Then... When their soul is freed - they no longer are tainted by the darkness of evil?
[ Her eyes are blinking and she seems to try to put thoughts together. ]
Mhm. Their evil no longer has to affect and fester in the world. They're free to the afterlife without and burdens to bear and able to provide nutrients, too. Really, it's the best way to go.
…
Plus, it'll be nice to not have a massive, rotting corpse over there. [ Just, you know, as an after thought. ]
T-that is amazing... It doesn't hurt you in anyway...?
[ She comes from people who use every part of a body!!! Because its important!! They burn their dead so they don't become undead and spread their ashes into the winds!! She totally supports you. ]
Mmmh, well... [ He considers this for a moment. It wouldn't hurt to tell her some form of the truth, he thinks. "Hurts," no, but "alters"... sometimes.
...
He decides against telling her. ]
Not that I can think of, no. Does that make it a little better? I'll still eat more privately, of course.
[ All she heard was: i cleanse the souls of the dying when i eat them. ]
... I... I don't think I can watch - ultimately, the body of a living being is so holy - in itself. Even if they... Die.. ... To watch it desecrated in that way is still hurtful despite your ability...
[ Though the more she thinks about it... ]
... Does that mean... Youre a God?
[ I cant remember if she asked this before - Caoimhe would remember BUT ME THE MUN? GON GAGA. ]
I understand. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. I'm real sorry I scared you before, I hope you'll forgive me for that.
[ Sounds like she already has, of course, but he doesn't want to assume anything. Maybe she came to apologize and also be like "but fuck you for doing that you little bitch" or something like that.
Her next question stumps him a little bit, though. The answer should be "Of course not". And, to some extent, it is, to Mizuki. (But there's a lot of intricacies to We Many, isn't there?) No, no, he can't talk about that. Ah, he's better off just avoiding answering altogether. He doesn't want to continue lying to Caoimhe. ]
..Sometimes, we scare each other. [ Her arms shift gently around his shoulders. Leaning into give him a hug before pulling back again, and letting the two of them comfortably drift a part. ] Sometimes, we get angry at one another... And that's okay, because we all have feelings and... We can come together, to talk about them or overcome things that may not.. Make sense to us?
[ At least in regards to this moment. A pause, as she is hesitant to answer his question. ]
... Do you not..? [ Mizuki may not give his feelings away physically, but in the intricacies of his own personality. Caoimhe finds perhaps her question weighed uncomfortably on his shoulders. ] Do you not, like that question?
You're very kind, Caoimhe. [ He's going to thumb at some of the tearstains on her cheeks. ] Next time, you needn't cry for me, though. I promise, no matter what, I'll always consider you my friend, okay? Worrying otherwise will just make you emotionally exhausted!
[ And he's going to hold her hands now. He's very touchy - if he can't keep hugging, then this works for him. ]
I wouldn't say that, no. It's just certainly a weird question to ask, isn't it~? I mean, depending on what your definition of "godhood" is, maybe we all are? We can't technically "die", we have different abilities, we're from different worlds, we've been reincarnated as entirely new people - there's so much there that could be traits of godhood.
... Thank you Mizuki. [ Truly a kind friend, what more could she have asked for? The gentleness of his touch, wiping away the tears makes her feel validated - here, grounded, alive, appreciated, loved. A tenderness she wasn't inherently always afforded, especially with how easily she could cry.
But Gods..? ]
No, [ She says, kindly but there is a push of certainty to her voice now. ] A God is nothing like us.. Yet you are right, we can become Gods. I have heard legends of those who even Ao could not overlook and granted them ascension... But...
[ As she speaks trying to recall memories and thinks hard on it, the lyre at her side begins to glitten slightly. Exuding an aura of magic itself. ]
Gods have these things called Portfolios.. Yes, without them, the Gods would not gain power from our prayers or respect. Instead, they would diminish in power, and likely disappear into the aetherial planes... I suppose that does not answer your question.
[ She had looked away in thought but returned her eyes towards the other more endearingly once more. ]
To me, the Gods whether they are foul-mannered or gracious. Are beings who live beyond our understanding, they are not meant to be understood but all the same - worshiped and learned from. They are our creators and may not understand us as mortals, but rely on us all the same as we too look to them for answers.
We are the essence of what it means to be synergetic, a foul God should be stopped but to destroyed!?!? Outright, would only mean the demise of Mortalkind.
[ She shakes her head frowning, ]
I merely mean, to myself. Gods are above me, and I can only exist below them ultimately.
Hmm~ hmmmm!!! What a very specific explanation. But I don't think even Gods can be bound by definitions, can they?
[ Happily, he swings their hands together, and sways a little in his spot as well. Mizuki may have been raised by cultists in a Church, but he's really not a religious person. He believes in what the Arbor stands for, and what it once provided and did, but there are some... complicated feelings there. There's some complicated feelings for We Many. There's a lot of... jumbled, complicated... stuff. ]
If the Gods created creatures, then are those creatures not also God? They must be pieces of them, at least, surely? I believe there are simply people who earn respect and even prayer, but those people are not necessarily good, or even gods, right? So, then, where is the divide?
If Gods are simply something we cannot understand, then are many, many Gods that differ between people, even. For instance, I don't understand emotions all that well. Does that make it my God~?
[ Before she has the chance to answer, Mizuki lets go of one of her hands and pulls the other up, guiding her into a little twirl before giving a bright, sunny laugh. ] I don't think anyone can truly define divinity.
Oh you know this..? [ Caoimhe's face lights up as their hands swing about, the lyre at her side still ebbing a hue of magic to it. ] Yes... Yes you are right - Ao took themself and placed a part of them into each one of us, that is why...
[ As swift as she seemed to smile, she frowns gently. ]
That is why the Beast, takes our souls and consumes it - making certain we are never reborn again. He wants the small parts of Ao within us, so that he can become stronger then he is... [ Yes she will talk about the facts of her world like it is nothing, she has done this in the campaign its a thing. ]
But ah -
[ she twirls a bit mystified, did he want to dance? Caoimhe had not danced for some time, and the movement of her twirl made her feel balanced in some way. When she enters back before him. She looks at either side of him and gently comes close and moves a bit as if to dance. ]
That is what I mean... But we, as living beings... We are defined, and part of that is by the Gods in some way...
While the Gods are divided mainly by the power in their hands, but also the laws of the cosmos that we know nothing of... And maybe just, will never understand... Yes... I think that's okay...
I also think that. [ A small smile. ] If Mizuki is a God, he would be a Great God. A kindest one, yes! I would hope your people will dance to the ocean waves, sing your songs, and represent the strength that is in your heart.
[ LMAO thats totally fine. She is with the help of Mizuki, actually remembering things from the her that lived farther than she came from. Though she may not be able to retain that Caoimhe's ability or power... She is remembering some of those memories. He is helping, without realizing it. ]
Mm! That's okay - I-I am most endeared by it... [ It is a quiet gentle dance, Caoimhe feels the moment deeply. ] I love who you are, simply as you are, that is why I was so sad... To have felt scared of you before.
I felt that I betrayed you, Mizuki... Despite how much I love you. [ She leans in a bit closer, at least despite the tears that still seemed to sit on her cheeks from moments before. Caoimhe is able to smile truly for the other. ] Thank you for understanding me, and being so kind... Always... I am happy to have met you, am happy that Mizuki is just Mizuki.
[ Mizuki's movements are fluid and very loose. Almost... impossible, for someone without the structure of a jellyfish. But he keeps dancing! It's fun, and he doesn't want to see her cry, and it's certainly a nice contrast from this topic. ]
Mmh, I'm glad Caoimhe is Caoimhe, too. I think... [ A rumbling in his head, the whispers of the collective, the thoughts of We Many, the voice he can never discern from his own. ] I think the Gods are overrated, anyway.
Mm... [ She is grateful. ] I love the Gods. [ Caoimhe says gently, finding herself fascinated by his fluid movements. She almost starts to purposely try to move them so she can see them for herself. ] But I love all living things the most.
[ Somewhere her mother's own heart cries, knowing her daughter is so much like her. ]
[ Caoimhe cants her head, a bit perturbed. We? She feels she made him sad... After a moment, the two continue and then she softly says. ]
... Mizuki, I.. I wanted to show you something... I am not sure how the spell will work, but... I would be comfortable if you were here with me while I cast it... Do you want to see?
[ He has a lot of feelings about Gods. Hard not to, when there’s some in your head. He feels especially bad for the ones who were wronged. He feels especially bad for the Arbor. ]
Of course. [ But now isn’t the time to think about that. He’s back to his infinite cheer. ] What is it?
Um... Is there somewhere with more open space... Could we go outside for a bit..? [ Caoimhe stops their little dance and squeezes his hands, to move a way a bit. Pulling out her new lyre and holding it in each of her hands. ]
[ Oh! Okay. No more dancing. That's fine. He'll just nod and start to head for the door. He seems equal parts curious and excited, honestly. Magic? More magic?? He'd like to see. He still doesn't understand how it works, but- ]
[ Caoimhe notices that he seems to fall in a more chipper mood. Almost instantly at that, she wipes the last of her tears off her face and gives a final sniffle. Her nerves taxing on one hand, but finding comfort with her friend and wanting to show them something potentially new... She pushes onwards and clamors outside with him until she finds a spot where it is open and wont potentially hurt anything. ]
okay...
[ Caoimhe holds the harp in her hand, and with a manifestation within her chest. Imagines it far larger, it transforms in her hand into a lap harp now and sits against her hip. ]
I-If... If it goes bad... Could you - - ? Make sure to help fight with me?
I am unsure... But... [ With resolve in her voice, she begins to play a tune on the harp. The strings delicately play, making the most crystal clear sound ever a harp can make. ] I know... It will help you.
[ Each stroke of the string, reverberates into the air, and the beautiful tune played is that of a gentle summer song. With each cord played a warm wind passes by them but it is cool to the touch as if it were to rain at any moment. When her eyes shut she seems to imbue magic alongside her harp, and within a matter of moments. What Mizuki will see is the form of a raindrop small in size and quality - become suddenly large. Collecting water from nowhere in particular but within itself -
It reaches about 10ft in diameter and bubbles itself before them both. A whole bubble of water. It seems to bounce about buoyant in its conception, and whirl in circles on the spot. It has no eyes and takes no shape currently but what Mizuki hears right after is the sound of some deranged gurgling akin to the rumble of ocean waves, or something inherently inhuman. ]
Eh? Eh? Where am I? What am I doing here? [ It speaks Primordial, and echoes these words to no one in particular. ]
[ Caoimhe stops her music playing and seems rather excited suddenly!! ]
OH! It worked!!! It worked!! H-Hello! Mizuki!! Look!!!!
Mizuki has absolutely no idea what's going on, but Caoimhe said "help fight" just moments before, so... Mizuki is absolutely chucking his harpoon-umbrella at this thing. Especially after it gurgles like that. No, no, no, no, nu-uh, not here, not now. ]
W-Wait stop!! [ Caoimhe attempts to step into the fray though the poor bubble was already hit by the Umbrella. It churns its body, having been hit very hard, and seems to start quivering fearful of what had just happened. ]
Attack? Attack? Attack? Attack? No? No? Why did they attack? I just got here. I should attack... [ Gurgle gurgle... ]
[ Caoimhe has, unfortunately, been subjected to Mizuki's nat1 made the mistake of not really explaining to Mizuki what she intends to do. Moreover, has told him to prepare for a fight, which already had him on the offensive. Maybe it's that sort of negative combination, then, that sets off something inside of Mizuki? He doesn't immediately pounce on the creature or anything like that since he will heed Caoimhe's request for now, but just his posture makes it abundantly clear that he is unhappy. ]
What is that? Why can't We feel it...? What did you do? [ It speaks in a tongue native to the Seaborn, yet They are making him bristle at the sound. Perhaps because communication and thought in his language is often also accompanied through other means in the hivemind? ] ...We don't like it, Caoimhe.
[ Caoimhe looks over to the Elemental and seems to apologize to it profusely. She clasps her hands together and with a break in her concentrates on the weave. The elemental disperses and the water from whence it came from lessense until it finally diminishes entirely.
Once it is gone, she is hesitant but looks toward Mizuki with nothing but concern for him and his wellbeing. ]
I-It is an elemental - o-on my realm... It is powerful magic, I met one before in my travels but only once and heard of their powers through old text but... I did not think I would be able to summon one myself until I started to work more and more with this Harp I acquired.
[ Caoimhe turns the Harp into a Lyre and shows it to the other. ]
D-Do you need me to do anything, I am so sorry. I was hopeful that.. The water Elemental would help you with your issues in needing to be in water so much. I am so sorry, I did not think it would turn out to be so - - horrifying an experience. T-Tell me what I can do to help!
[ Mizuki should be fine with this, but he is shaking. Not because of what happened, but rather the very loud, angry waves in his head. For the most part, they stay internal, but Caoimhe gets the smallest taste of We Many as Mizuki speaks. ]
Abomination. We should've... No, no you're overreacting. It's fine. Is this really important to you?
[ ... ]
Ah- it's alright, Caoimhe, you didn't do anything wrong, We just misunderstood your intentions. Sorry. Were you startled?
No.. No.. [ She shakes her head, thinking the comments were a bit confusing to follow but she pushes with an overarching acceptance of it. ]
I... No it's... I did not want you to hurt it because... If you did then it may have surely, turned on us both. [ Thankfully its SUMMON elemental and not CONJURE elemental. ] I am just glad no one was hurt, I am so sorry Mizuki...
[ She comes closer hoping to help offer her hands or body to lean on. ]
I'm alright, Caoimhe. You don't need to be sorry. Just, you know, maybe next time tell me what you plan on doing so I can be a little more ready...?
[ That seems to calm the storm in his head a bit. Maybe that isn't surprising, since it is the Arbor's jobs to be able to effortlessly soothe the waves.
Despite the fact his shaking stopped, he still is more than happy to give her a hug. ]
You were thinking of me, though? That's very kind of you.
I-I was... When I learned I could summon the Elemental, I thought it would be key.. In helping you, if there was an emergency. [ She wont let go of him!! She will hug him and rub his shoulders. ] I probably should have mentioned that... S-Sorry... Our magics are so different to one another, though your response, would not be so different from those in my own realm too.
"Magic"? Do you think I can use magic? That's really kind of you, but I cannot. Even the thing that's close to "magic" in my world doesn't assimilate with me, so...
[ Pat pat... ]
It's alright, though. I hope I didn't scare your friend too much.
Ah... No.. I... Thought perhaps the water elemental... Could help keep you moist if you needed to jump into something immediately. [ She shakes her head though, uncertain herself realy. ] Mm... I believe that was the one I met a long time ago when I first started my Journey after meeting with the King... But it was my first time... Summoning it as well..
[ HhhHHHH Caoimhe's gonna be the death of him. It takes a moment for him to respond, having initial excited twitches about a new voice outside of his own swirling in the disgusting, elder god cocktail of his mind. Maybe when he replies, Caoimhe will hear whispers behind his words of his kin. It's not words, though it sounds like maybe they should be?
It's probably best she doesn't focus too much on it. ]
Caoi~mhe!!! Can you hear me, too~? How exciting, to be able to talk like this!! I'm at Elsword's, in his fish tank. I'll also be-
[ Aaaand the message cuts short. The other ambient noise stops, too, at least! ]
[ Caoimhe hears the whispers - b u t . . . At this point with how insane this realm is, she doesn't think too much about it, holding a weariness of walking into the night. Yet sad and lonely - desperate even. To search for him, and find him she does.
At least - we think so, she rounds the corner to where the Fish Tank in Elswords house is and looks around to find him. ]
[ Mizuki is in the fish tank. He's actually still trying to "talk" to Caoimhe, surprised when he notices the blurry hints of red through the glass and water of the tank. He'll quickly scramble to get out, dripping water onto the floor in the process. Uh - he'll clean that up later, promise! ]
Caoimhe! You stopped talking! I thought you were ignoring me!!
[ "Moon" jellyfish is a misdirection, he's actually the very rare "sunshine" jellyfish. ]
[ It's hard to stay so sad when Mizuki is full of life!! Despite the evident aura she gives, and the seemingly dejected look she has. It softens the moment she sees Mizuki climb out of his fish tank.
It almost makes her want to diminish her issues into nothingness, the complicity of it should not be brought and put on others' shoulders. She already bothered Heimr, the Shopkeeper and upset him... She should not continue that train of action. ]
I... I am sorry... The spell I use can only send back and forth about twenty-five words. Did I bother your time in the waters?
[ She is all wet and with a quick movement of her hands she uses prestidigitation to make herself dry again. She does not offer to Mizuki because she knows him being wet is important! ]
I do not want to bother you with my thoughts, I already caused a great bit of grief to Heimr when I just spoke to him now... I just...
[ A Pause. ]
I missed the ocean... And... I did not know where to go to, but to you.
Hm, I would think the river would provide you more solace than I would, if it's the ocean you seek. Buuuuut I'm also really good for hugs and stuff if you need that, too.
You wouldn't bother me with your thoughts, Caoimhe. I much prefer people being straightforward with me, since I'm not too good at reading people.
Even so, when I thought of it - it was you who came to mind first. [ She admits a bit sheepishly, hands rubbing along either side of her forearms. ] ... I see...
Even still... It isn't right to just, speak my pains freely.. [ Locks of hair shuffle about, ] Not that I do not want to.
[ She looks up, staring towards him a bit more clearly. ]
. . . Remember... You had told me, that I am a Good Person?
Caoimhe, you and I are friends. You can talk about whatever ails you with me.
[ ??? He's fretting a little bit over her. Should they sit? They should sit. He's going to gently coax her to Elsword's couch so they can take a seat. He'll hold her hands once they do, trying to be comforting. ]
[ Oh that was very good! She sits on the couch and finds it easier to... Well breathe, and her nerves begin to settle just a bit. ]
I think about that day a lot... Everything we talked about... I... I try really hard to be myself and to be what it means to be good to me... But... I think.... I think it is only making other people unhappy, and... Maybe misunderstand me? Or... That I will make it worse?
[ A pause and... She reflects the earnestly says. ]
... I wanted to go back to the ocean, because... If that is where I came from, then I want to return home. [ She gets quieter, the comfort of sitting and the safety of being in this place with her friend Mizuki beside her. Knowing too, that Elsword was not too far away. She opens up a bit more... ] ... I don't think I belong anywhere... Not even here... So I want to go back home... I want to go back to the ocean, where I came from, and where I belong... Since... The way that I am - the way that I am, is not... The right way to be?
[ If Mizuki has to fetch Elsword for an impromptu cuddle pile, he will. For right now, though, he listens. There's a brief moment of worry that he's made Caoimhe force herself to doing things she didn't want to, but the way she said "to be myself" generally implies it's the stuff that comes naturally to her. "Trying really hard" is kind of a contradiction, then, isn't it? Unless... she often pretends to be something she's not? How incredibly relatable. ]
Hm, if I can give you my thoughts... [ They won't be very good, since Mizuki also is misunderstood and makes things worse, so- ] You're not going to make everyone happy, even if you do everything right. You are a very good person, and I think whatever misunderstandings stem from the fact people know this about you and want to make sure that goodness isn't snuffed out.
After all, there's a lot of really good people, but that doesn't mean they have means to protect themselves. Especially somewhere so incredibly dangerous, I'm sure you're just bound to worry people...
[ There's a gentle squeeze of her hands. ]
Is that what home is to you? Do you believe being there would fix things? Do you think that your point of view should not be valued? What is the right way to be? If you feel you do not belong anywhere, what is the harm in staying here, anyway?
...
I know it's a lot to think about, but... I think you belong.
[ Actually Mizuki that is sound advice, and very smart point. Caoimhe herself is not use to the idea that people would care about her in that way - which was a dynamic issue. Her people faulted her in failing them, and although still accounted her among them. Made it evident in their actions that she was on her own, when it came to care and a quality of life.
Thinking that people are so concerned about her - that they are fearful of how she is being taken advantage of by others?
She genuinely, cannot fathom that idea.
It's too bad this came too late - if anything it's almost narratively hilarious. ]
... I did not realize. . . [ A pause as she drifts into thought but the hand squeeze brings her in. Eyes flicker upwards back to him, and the oceans within them seem to subside from the initial flurry of storms that bellowed within.
'What is the harm in staying here anyway?'
If Caoimhe is so adamant about believing everyone belongs, why does she not add herself into the picture?. Her life answers that question, but she is incapable of answering it right now in her mind for Mizuki. Instead, she simply thinks - ]
I am still trying to understand...
[ I think you belong. She smiles, and deep down she feels herself validated. Truly, the ocean welcomes her. ]
If it makes you feel any better, you are not the only one who is still trying to understand. Things are real confusing here~! Everyone's got such troubled pasts and have so many weird things happening from their worlds and I don't think any one of them knows how to deal with it!! It's fascinating how the human brain works. So interesting~, so complicated~, so exciting~! Of course it's awful there's so much trauma spread among us that makes it ex~treme~ly challenging for us to coordinate with one another, buuuut also really, super, mega cool!
[ Mizuki, you're gushing. Why did you roll a 7 on being normal-
Caoimhe is being incredibly introspective in this moment, and had Mizuki the awareness, he would be proud. Alas, instead, he is just a simple jellyfish with a negative 10 insight modifier. ]
Mmm, that makes sense. [ A pause, thinking on what the other said. ] I know many people who do this, but I myself enjoy it as well... Even if at times, the distance between us can be.. So vast.
Between… us, specifically, or between one another?
[ Once again, Mizuki finds himself relating far too much to Caoimhe. He wonders if, maybe, here at the grove, they were twins or something? No, no, that's silly, they looked nothing alike in the photograph… ]
I… sometimes sort of feel like there's sort of this… [ He gestures in the air, miming out a wall of sorts in front of him. ] window that I'm looking into. That I'm merely a lens — the camera to watch the movie. It's very…
[ Lonely. ]
…silly, I guess? Ehehe, I guess that's what I get for not being more social~. Holding hands and physical contact helps a lot, though. Makes the "window" feel a little less… there.
[ BC MIZUKI!! U CANT BE IDENTICAL TWINS IF NOT SAME GENDER NSJDKFNJDSFNDSBNFKDS unless... Maybe they were... maybe osmosis jones happen. or whatever. LMSDJFKSDLFGKS ]
Yes! That's exactly it! [ Caoimhe seems to flinch at his realization, ] When... Um...
There is this book that exists, it - - it is where my name came from.
[ She moves to find the bag of holding and searches for the book. Sure enough she finds it, pulling it out with its hard red cover. As she takes it into her hands, cradling the book itself she gently opens it. ]
It's a story about a girl, who... Who lived in a city where everyone is beautiful, and everyone is good at one thing? It does not what that one thing is, but they excel at it and have purpose because of it. [ She filters through the pages as she speaks looking for something within it urgently. ] Then this girl was born. She was simply not good at any one particular thing, and she did not look so fetching. The girl was often treated so poorly, and no one loved her whatsoever.
The book is about a God watching over this girl, and commenting on how it is she lives - how it is she becomes. Ultimately the God decides it wants to grant the girl a wish, and when it asks her what they wish for. The God says, "I have watched you be hated and reviled, for no reason other than existing. I want to give you a gift, I can change everything about the city, everything about the world, even change you to be loved and revered. What do you want the most, tell me?"
The girl simply said, "I want to just live here, I don't want to change at all. I love looking down at everyone, I love seeing them happy and I love how hard they strive to be what they are. Me being here, drives them. It shows them what they don't want to be, and for that, I am truly precious to them. Even if they do not know it. I just want to be, Caoimhe."
[ As she turns the book over to Mizuki, the illustration is presented across two pages. Drawn with ink and hard printed with some bold colors to pop. There is a girl that overlooks a city, the city is beautifully built. With lights that glimmer, and floating vehicles that whirl around. Then you have Caoimhe in the picture book, staring off from a hill out into the beautiful city. Where the God shown before her as a small sparkling flower, stands within her hands and seems to be giving of a powerful energy that encompasses them both. The image itself looks more intricate, as the border around it almost looks as if it is a mirror. As if, you are the third party watching over them. Where, the God is watching over Caoimhe. Where Caoimhe is Watching over the City. ]
Caragh... Gave me the name of Caoimhe, from this book... I... When I read it recently, I realized to myself that this is how I felt... Like Caoimhe watching over the city, or the God watching over Caoimhe, or... Myself as I read about each of them through this text. [ She looks at the image lowering it to her lap. ] Because of this... its hard for me to not understand the feelings of others... I understand too much - - ...
Even if they have done so much wrong, because for me... It's like I watch them too from a mirror or a window, where all their actions have meaning, and it's never about one thing...
[ A frown... It almost seems like she... Didn't make sense at all. ]
[ Hey, hey, hey, he said TWINS, not INDENTICAL TWINS, get it right-
Mizuki listens to the story, though he seems to knit his brow at some parts of it. The way Caoimhe tells it, the way she seems to shine, how proud she is, how lovely the depictions are... sounds like this is supposed to be a story of hope. But the more she talks about it, the more upsetting it is for Mizuki to hear. This is something she loves, something she is named after, something important to her, so Mizuki shouldn't say anything unkind. It would be like if someone had told Mizuki that Pac-Man or psychology is stupid. He simply feels his tendrils coil very tightly behind him. ]
No, it makes sense. [ Leave it there, don't say anything, don't- ] But it's nothing like that. I don't agree with any of it. [ No, no, Mizuki, get off your soapbox, now is NOT the time! ]
My window is not that put onto me by others. I am not looking down at anyone because they have forced me away from them. No one would do that. Being unkind and treating someone poorly because they don't look pretty or can't do something or don't understand is the sort of thing bullies do. To put someone who's kind down and take advantage of their goodness is how evil corrupts and spreads.
[ Hhhh. Upset... ]
When I lost everything, when I was nothing to the world and could offer it nothing, people were still kind. People still sacrificed for me to have a future. People still cared about me even if I didn't do things right, and they were patient, and they... are good. That God made a mistake.
[ And thats the interesting thing here about things like this -
It's so funny how one word, down changes introspection and the meaning of all things. To Caoimhe, it literally meant downwards - and stopped there. To look and see from another perspective, it had nothing negative in connotation to it. When she spoke it openly. That this word, downwards, meant nothing, because it was a direction simply. To Mizuki however, it meant everything, because it meant there were things beneath one another.
Therein lies the half cup, and cup half full predicament, told yet in another form and of another topic incidentally. ]
...
[ She sees him, perhaps finally after being here for so long, hearing him talk so much - though the truth was ever hard to find at times. It took her this long because he hides his words craftily afraid that the way he speaks, will deign him something lesser than that of which good really is. ]
You worked really hard didn't you? [ Caoimhe speaks softly, her arms already wrapped around his shoulders leaning against him to give him the most gentlest hug. ] To get where you are now, [ She nuzzles him just a little. ] to feel how you do here, [ And a even kinder back rub. ] and to keep going into the unknown.
[ Once, she told a man, who told her that he was the foulest little thing. Caoimhe, most grateful for his kindness, told him that a man who tries his best to be kind for the world around him. Knowing how capable he was of destroying it, hurting others, or breaking the world around him all within a moment. Was far greater a man, than one who acts kindly, because it is the right thing to do.
Stumped and bewildered by this woman's phrasing, he then tracked halfway across the continent. Realizing, and afraid he would lose the one person who saw the efforts he put into the world. It is a horrifying thing to be seen, in the abyss of humanity after all. ]
I think. [ She says sweetly, ] Someone who understands all that, [ Meaning everything that Mizuki said. ] is as Good as anyone person can be.
[ It’s funny. After he had said all of that, he was aware that he really shouldn’t have. He was scrambling for some sort of apology, like maybe he had messed things up, since Caoimhe was upset before. Mizuki needed to be a friend, not try to stand up for his beliefs to someone who is already so kind and sweet. Maybe Mizuki, too, is just worried about people stepping on Caoimhe like a doormat.
But he isn’t met with upset. He isn’t met with angry or hatred. She is giving him a hug, and speaking so adoringly. ]
That’s… wrong, actually. The reason why I know people are good is because… I had nothing to offer. I couldn't work hard. I truly had nothing. And people still found it in themselves to reach hands out to me and help me. Save me, feed me, teach me, take care of me. I did nothing to deserve that kindness, but people have always, always treated me kindly after that day.
That's why I know that story is wrong, because just because someone doesn't have anything to offer the world, doesn't mean people will just toss you away.
Mmm, [ Caoimhe agrees pulling away only a little to intimately place her hand against his cheek and lay her forehead against his own. She at least, wants to make sure the other understands too - since there lost in his words is this sense of earning. Even if it isn't what he believes now, she wants to make him aware. Kindness is not to be sought or earned, it is always deserved. ] the best thing about true kindness. Is that it is never needing to be deserved.
[ Her thoughts wonder into silent complexities she tries to understand on her own. ]
Thank you for sharing as much of yourself with me, as I did with you just now.
Huh? Did I share anything about myself with you?? I feel like I just talked about the good people around me, that's all.
[ He did say he "lost everything" and something about "that day", but considering he didn't elaborate on that, he didn't think that counted any. ]
Anyway, uh, you're welcome, I guess! Sorry about having such strong opinions on a story that you really like. Um, but thanks for telling me about it. [ "Sucks that you were named after someone the world considered 'useless', maybe whoever named you should rethink that." He doesn't say this. ] But I agree with the kindness thing!! That's sorta what I meant. I didn't do nothin' for it, but people still gave it to me. S'why they're good people.
Oh? I am, I believe so. I may be... The oldest here among us if I thought about it.
[ She seems to watch the other in surprise, is it not common to live that long in his realm? ]
Sometimes... It is why I.. Feel so worried.. I am unable to lead by example, something of which I should be able to - as it is the way our people taught us to be.
[ Mizuki is... technically immortal, biologically. But he's still only 21. He can't imagine people living for that long. He's gonna have a crisis about it when he's 50 and still looks Like This, actually- ]
You're very old. [ Thanks, Mizuki. ] O-oh, no, it just surprised me. Your age shouldn't determine your leadership status or anything. I wouldn't worry about it, Miss Caoimhe.
I am, [ She finds herself, giggling at that. Similar to how Sumeragi was astounded by her age, and thus started to call her Honored Elder thereafter. ] ah... No... For our people, age is everything. Age means you have lived long on the lands of Grandall, and as such are a reservoir of knowledge. The more that you know as a person, the more of a leader you need to be to those around you.
Huh... I never heard that. My mentor used to tell me that he trusted his younger disciples more than he would ever trust his colleagues because their fresh perspectives were completely unbiased to the world. That that's apparently made them real closed minded or... something like that? I don't know, it didn't make sense to me.
It's interesting to learn how different our cultures are, though!!
... That is true but.... On the lands of Grandall, which are filled with dangers... It is... Rare to live out on the lands like we do unprotected by the Kingdoms... So to be able to have seniority and live long after trekking those lands over and over again. The value of ones voice... Is important, coupled with all the knowledge they have learned and seen for themself. It isn't like scholars, where they stay in one place studying one thing... It is ... More than that. [ She tries to explain, but, ] I like my people, Mizuki. I understand why they are the way they are, because our lands are harsh... [ So they need to be harsh too, at times. Decisive even. The Tuatha de are some of the strongest fighters within the continent because they are the only native people alongside the plainsmen. That chose to live off those very harsh lands. ] As such, the longer you are able to live. The more knowledge you retain, the more power that you have to guide those around you, including yourself.
[ Mizuki fidgets sheepishly, giving a small laugh. ] Um, sorry, that doesn't really make any sense to me, either. I mean, basing all that stuff on age doesn't mean a lot to me... Cicero tried to explain his perspective to me, too, but I never got it, so don't feel too bad! I'm just not very smart~.
[ Plus, when you have the entire consciousness of an ancient race in your head, age starts to seem less and less of an important thing. ]
[It's now day three of his feud with Elsword. He still feels like shit, and distracting himself hasn't made it any better... and Elsword hasn't come home this entire time, either. Should he start... moving out? It's Elsword's house, not his. Add doesn't really have a right to stay if it's causing this much of a headache, but...
... he's reviewed the data six times, and he still can't sort out his feelings. It's a difficult decision to make, but he has to realize sooner or later that he's in over his head. He needs an objective third party to weigh in. Someone who has more experience with human emotions and behaviour, someone he can trust to keep quiet...
He can't go near the river, so he's loitering outside the therapy building until Mizuki comes back that way. Add looks anxious, but he still forces a smile when he finally spots his target in the distance, closing out the holoscreen he'd been pretending to read.]
Mizuki. Are you busy right now? ... I can come back later, if you are. [please don't tell him to come back later he'll chicken out]
[ Mizuki has been very busy himself!! He married Abigail! He has Hermes as a romanceable option! He got a science victory with Cleopatra! He beat his high score in Celeste!
"Mizuki, did you just play video games for the past few days?" Yes, next question— ]
Doctor Add!!!!! [ And yet, all his accomplishments, he's still so excited to see his commander friend. He practically radiates sunshine, or maybe that's just his bioluminescence? ] I'm not busy! I'd always make time for you, anyway!! Do you have orders for me??
[He can hear all five of those exclamation points... there's the tiniest bit of honesty to Add's smile, lopsided and sheepish as it is, but he's not going to think about that right now. He's here for a very important job.]
Not exactly... can we talk inside? It's a private matter.
Of course!!! Oh, I hope you weren't waiting too long, in that case [ He nearly ushers Add inside, actually. ] We can use the office. Is something the matter? Are we discussing plans? Talking about information??
No, it's... it's nothing like that. You're fine, Mizuki.
[He's still going to wait until they're inside, all the way down to the office, door closed behind them... only then does he allow some of his anxiety to decompress, sitting down on the coach with a big sigh, a neat pile of Dynamo settling on the other end.]
... There's something that I need to let go of. Do you think your therapy techniques could help with that?
[ Mizuki makes sure to lock the door as well. Not that he thinks anyone will come in, but it's just better to keep up the habit, just in case. Then, he finds his seat in the chair and folds his hands steadily in his lap, and…
Oh? Oh??? Had Add started to open up to the idea of more therapy! Hell yeah. Maybe he didn't do that poorly before, then!! ]
I'll certainly do my best to. What's on your mind, Doctor Add?
[Okay, Add. Deep breaths. This is just a peer review, don't make it weird...]
About what we spoke of last time... there was a disagreement on "the difference between attraction and scientific curiosity."
Let's say, hypothetically speaking, there was someone you were merely "curious" about, but they performed a signal that suggested "attraction"... how would you react to an encounter like that?
[ There's a few rapid, dumbfounded blinks at the question. His initial response is to try to answer the question, but the only thing that seems to be ringing in his head is "Attraction???? To me??????????" and that sounds like the opposite of an answer. So he just sort of mimics a fish for a moment as he tries to think of something good to say, before it finally dawns on him.
Oh shit, oh fuck, did Elsword confess?! (And he wasn't snooping to see?!?! Bummer.) ]
I suppose… I would do my best to figure out whether or not my "curiousness" could be something more, if nurtured, or if there was just a wall in my way that prevented it from being anything more or not.
[ Admittedly, he's not actually sure how easy that is or not, but he's trying to give good advice that isn't "just raise the friendship stat to 8 hearts and exhaust all their dialogue options." ]
[Nurturing, or a wall... but neither of those options sounds right to him. He doesn't want to nurture it, and if it was a wall he wouldn't have consented to a handjob at 3am. It's not a very helpful answer... but really, it's the fault of his awkwardly phrased question.]
Well... it's a scientist's instinct to pursue new information, isn't it? So if you agreed to something like that, and they took it as returned feelings... but you had never actually done that before, so you wouldn't know what it actually meant... to you, I mean, it's obvious what it meant to them. So you thought you'd feel one way, when actually it's more like...
[Ugh, how is he supposed to ask this the right way?? He can feel his face getting redder by the second... should he try a different approach? Maybe he just needs to cut straight to the point.]
What are you supposed to do if you don't want feelings for someone? Is there a way to... get rid of them?
[can he opt out... he wants to feel normal again, he can't deal with this]
… [ Hoo boy. Okay. ] You want to… get rid of your feelings? [ BRO??? HOW BAD WAS THE CONFESSION?? He's a little lost. ]
I'm sorry, Doctor Add, but… I think maybe we should take a couple steps back first. What happened exactly to make you feel like you don't want those feelings?
[He sighs again, slouching forward. Why can't he just give a simple answer so Add can move on from all this...?]
I... may have kissed Elsword. [among other things]
I don't know. I'm not really... I'm not interested in these types of things, normally, but in the heat of the moment [god was it hot in the moment] I wanted to see what he would do. He was... enthusiastic.
[ Mizuki listens, and if he has any feelings in the moment about this in the moment, his face doesn't show it. Perhaps partially due to the fact he is feeling a lot of things in the moment. On the one hand, Add and Elsword being happy together and pursuing this relationship and becoming boyfriends is literally what Mizuki had wished for during the lantern festival. It's like when the main couple in a series you enjoy finally get together after eight whole seasons of "will they, won't they"…
But on the other hand, it sounds like at least Add isn't happy, and that's reason enough for Mizuki to not preemptively celebrate. The opposite, really. His whole heart is going out to the doctor. ]
[If this were any other experiment, he'd have to try it again, and again, and again, just to be sure. Only doing it once, under such delicate conditions... it's sloppy work.
How does he feel?]
... that detail doesn't matter anymore. It's better if things go back to normal, so is there some way I can make Elsword fall out of love? I tried turning him down gently, [you did NOT???] and I gave him a few days to calm down, but he still seems to be upset about it. I don't mind as much if he's still mad at me, but his behaviour is starting to attract too much attention...
Hmm… Would you say that detail doesn't matter because avoiding your own emotions is a conclusive outcome? Would you say you're much too used to things having controlled environments, so anything as unpredictable as being in love is off-putting?
Forgive me if this sounds accusatory at all — it isn't that. They're genuine questions. I would like to know how you are feeling. Until we do, I don't know how to give you advice that benefits all parties. In this moment, we can shelf Elsword's feelings.
[ Mizuki leans forward. ]
Which parts are inconclusive? Do you have any conclusive data? Pros and cons that you've gone over, definitive thoughts you've had… anything like that?
[He looks up from the floor, and he's making a sour face at Mizuki... instinctively, he wants to deflect again. He only did it because Elsword initiated, so if Elsword stopped wanting to do those things then it becomes a non-issue, right? He didn't have this problem before, so it would work out perfectly...
... would it really, though? Can he say, without a shadow of a doubt... he never had any feelings of his own towards Elsword?
He looks down again, too exhausted to continue scowling. Conclusive data... controlled environments... maybe, if he focuses on just the parts he can answer...]
... I didn't dislike it. Hormones released were of the expected levels in both participants, and there were no mind-altering substances involved. I was offered five separate opportunities to back out. I declined them all. [He only stopped after he passed out, basically. Is it because he was that wrapped up in the experience, or... did he really want all of that, just for himself?]
It's not that emotions like "love" can't be controlled. All emotions are just chemical signals sent from the brain, it's not so complicated I couldn't replicate it... but I don't know what he sees in me to achieve that on his own. I don't gain anything significant by upgrading the relationship, so it makes more sense to try to keep things simplified.
I would have to disagree, if just because your metaphorical heart and mind don’t always get along. Some people are more inclined to follow one over the other. While emotions might just be chemicals in our brain, we’d be remiss if we ignored the fact that they do cause people to ebb a certain way.
That’s what psychotherapy is for. That’s what psychoanalysis is for. Is there anything more exciting than to see someone’s actions dictated solely on their emotions. How people instinctively choose something based on their brain chemistry? How fascinating it is to watch one’s resilience and the achievements they can accomplish simply by feeling strong emotions. How one’s emotional memory can completely change them as a person?? How someone’s past shapes them? How taking away everything from someone to see what their breaking point is? It’s all fascinating.
…
Sorry, I’m rambling. I got off topic, we’re focused on you. [ He shakes himself off a bit, like he’s getting himself focused again. ] I forget what point I was trying to make, but I have a question: Do you genuinely think you would not be gaining anything from pushing forward with the relationship? You don’t have to tell me the answer, but I want you to really think about it.
Furthermore, is it… the relationship progressing that bothers you, or is it the potential of messing not only it up but also the possibility of burning the whole bridge?
[It's hard to admit to... but he isn't getting anywhere by dancing around the topic. Mizuki has come close enough times already. Does it really matter if he knows?]
"Love" demands a greater amount of intimacy. Issues that won't come up between close friends might arise between lovers... it's already strange that he gravitates towards me, I can't imagine it holding up to scrutiny.
I panicked, so I ended things preemptively. I thought it would be easier.
[ He figured as much. Isn't that the main reason people don't do things? Anxiety, being afraid of risking it all, being afraid that you're putting your heart into someone's hands and also have a penchant for cutting people's hands off. Normal stuff. ]
It's true, love does demand that, and it's likely that you'll be putting in a lot more just to have the possibility of losing it, but... it isn't like you're not gaining anything in return. A closer bond is... always something people are seeking out, platonic or romantic. But more than that, love is often described as a "leap of faith" for that reason.
Let's focus on this first, though: Why do you think it's strange that he gravitates toward you, exactly?
I don't need a closer bond. I can live without it just fine. [He sounds pretty confident for a guy who lost his mind after one kiss and skipped straight to third base, but y'know.] I've never needed anything like that before. My work is already fulfilling.
Elsword is... well, he's popular. I could name at least two people who I'm certain would jump at the chance to have a more intimate relationship with him, and there's likely more than that. He doesn't have to settle for someone like me. A doctor with little to no experience with romantic relationships, I can't match him physically, and he's not really interested in science or medicine... I just don't see how we're even compatible.
[... he's being pretty hard on himself, and he knows that. At least he can accept that Elsword doesn't care about his physical imperfections. Why would he, when he's a seasoned warrior with many more scars than Add? Is that... why he made a big deal about Add's eye? Is he only attractive now because he's similarly scarred...
He shakes his head—getting off topic in there, stay focused.]
We're too different from each other. He'd be better off with someone else.
"Needing" and "wanting" are different things, Doctor.
[ He taps his fingers against his knees for a moment with a small hum. ]
Just because you don't have and romantic experience doesn't mean all that much, really. You can't really justify that if you're not willing to get that experience, anyway. [ Otome homework real???? He'll bring it up in a minute, probably- ] I think you're also just selling yourself far too short, Add. You are incredibly passionate about your interests, unafraid to make quick decisions, reliable, and very analytical. Why would he be "settling" for someone like that?
... Besides, even if that's all something that you disagree with...
[He's making a face again like he really wants to argue... maybe he could make decisions for Elsword's heart. If he used that...
... but it would be hard to operate when Elsword won't even speak to him anymore. Besides, there are better uses for that. Like making someone stay in love...
hmm.]
... Elsword has been a reliable friend to me, so I'd like to keep things genuine between us if I can. [????? that won't make sense without his internal monologue, but don't worry about it]
But I already said I had no feelings for him... he doesn't even want to talk to me right now. He's been sleeping out by the river for three days now. Should I... keep waiting?
[ Mizuki isn't even going to question it. That sounds like a good response? Why would he question that— ]
Well, from the sounds of it, you're still sorting your own headspace out. But I don't think you have to know that much to go talk to Elsword. It's important to apologize for hurting his feelings, at least. Because, um, it sounds like you did? And he's not going to come to you first if that happens, so… I think you should see him.
Leading with something to let him know that he doesn't need to talk to you if he's not ready to, but that you have some things you need to say. Even if it's just… "I'm sorry" and "I don't really know what any of this means right now". I think even that much will help Elsword understand where you are coming from.
If you'd like, you can practice what you want to say with me.
[... he was kind of hoping Mizuki would say to keep waiting. He can't put this off forever, but maybe just one more day?
He sighs, flopping back against the couch to stare up at the ceiling. He wants to sink into the floor... where does he even start with this? Would it... help to give more context first?]
... I wanted to see how far you'd go. The experiment was a success, so there's no need to repeat it. I already have the data I need.
Keep the kiss if you want to. It doesn't mean anything to me.
...
That's what I said to him. [repeated word for word, as stoically as he had the first time.] ... before that, I tried to pretend it didn't happen, but that didn't work. He's probably mad about... both things...
[ Hm. How very middle of the road Mizuki feels about this, actually. On the one hand, the otome-loving, hopeless romantic side of him is saying of course he's fucking pissed about that. "It doesn't mean anything to me," when someone adores you like that is, perhaps, the actual worst thing you can say, period. Mizuki thinks this part of him would feel its heart shatter.
But on the other hand, the sort of disgusting, obsessive, loyal dog part of him is relatively unphased by this. He might not know Add as well as Elsword, but he knows him fairly well just from watching his behavior up until now. Is this not… something Elsword took into account? Surely it's one of Add's charms to be so curious about how people react to things and the data collected from responses under different circumstances and pressures—
How complicated… ]
Then, let me ask you something, do you feel bad about that because Elsword feels bad, or do you feel bad about it because you didn't mean it?
Ugh. Of course I was lying... if I had all the data, I wouldn't be here right now. [he also wouldn't be here if the kiss didn't mean anything...] Like I said, I panicked, so I just said what I thought would put an end to things.
If I could've said things differently... The experiment was a success, but the results are still inconclusive. Can we... repeat it again?
[...
it really doesn't sound romantic at all to him... also, if he tries to open with that now, Elsword will definitely get mad at him again.]
Mmmh, I think if you word it that way, Elsword might misinterpret it…? Just… as a reminder, Add, you did hurt Elsword. It'll go a long way if you show him a bit of vulnerability in turn…
[it's too late to use that as an argument, what with him pouring his heart out to Mizuki... but it's still hard to shake the aversion. this goes against everything he knows, everything he's taught himself to survive. will this come back to bite him someday?]
What if... he doesn't want to try again? If he'd rather not see me at all anymore... [if he tries to open up his heart only to be rejected... well, at least they'd be even.]
["Super fake" is how he'd describe himself, so maybe this otome is onto something. If it were something like a "Pure-hearted Knight" instead of a "Villainous Priest", it'd be perfect...]
So... I should try, and if it doesn't work, it wasn't love to begin with?
Well, I wouldn't invalidate Elsword's feelings like that, but it's highly possible, yes. That said, I'm sure it will work, Doctor Add, because I do genuinely think Elsword thinks the world of you.
[ And he's not just saying that because Elsword is his other patient, but rather because of what he's observed. ]
If you'd like, you can give it a little bit of time to think about it. I wouldn't wait too much longer, but I also don't want you to rush into it without a plan. In the meantime, maybe you could stay here at the therapy building? I could show you some games to play and stuff, and the stuffed animals are real comfy.
[He's quiet for a moment, still trying to sort out his complicated feelings... but eventually he sits back upright, pausing to adjust his hat and hair.]
That block puzzle with the tetrominoes. Let me try that one again.
[he is going to play Tetris until he beats it or until Mizuki tells him it doesn't actually have an ending... but also, he is going to play Tetris until his head is clear and not full of messy thoughts and he can put together a reasonable apology.]
[ Mizuki excitedly pulls Tetris from his bag. Does he just keep that on him? Yes. Absolutely. Anyway, he’ll join Add on the couch now that he’s not in therapy mode.
In fact, Mizuki seems to relax a lot. No more punctual sitting, no more mostly contemplative expressions, and even his voice is just a little more relaxed. ]
Here you go! I hope I helped a little, at least. I’m still tryna get better with this stuff, but I really wanna be able to help. Even if just a little. But stuff like that don’t usually come naturally…
[Dynamo also rises from their couchspot, clustering around both Add and Mizuki's shoulders. Relaxing isn't something Add is good at... but technology never fails to keep his mind busy. His eye lights up, focused intently on the screen.]
... I don't like to admit it, but this therapy of yours is more effective than I thought it would be. [who knew that talking about your feelings instead of bottling everything up would feel... better??] But also... promise me you won't speak of these meetings to anyone. I don't want them to think of me as anything but a perfect and capable doctor.
Ehehe!!! I wouldn't be doing it if it weren't~! We have quite a few therapists back home, too, and they're all pretty good at what they do. I can only hope to be a little more like them.
[ He kicks his legs, looking over Add's shoulder to watch him play. No pointers given, he just likes to watch people solve "puzzles" like this. ]
Don't worry. You're a doctor, you know how important patient confidentiality is~! But, um, for what it's worth, I still think you're a perfectly capable doctor even after all this! Things like this just get a little complicated for other people, I've realized. I don't hold any judgements against them, or you, for it. I don't think anyone else would, either.
[Mizuki thinks he's capable... part of him still wants to doubt, but he wants to believe it's true. Maybe he can't be honest with everyone, but if it's just one or two people... that can be his "support group", right?
... he'll need more time to gauge if he can talk about other things, but it's a start.]
This type of work isn't common in Elrios, but neither are skilled doctors... war and over-reliance on El makes travel difficult, and that prevents knowledge from spreading widely. If the current situation can be resolved, perhaps...
[imagine if they actually gave kids therapy instead of sending 13yos out to war............. but anyway, Add is actually pretty good at Tetris. it helps when you have a chip in your brain that can calculate the perfect move faster than human capabilities. he hasn't figured out how to do all those cool tricks like T-spins yet and he's not totally comfortable with the controls, but give him a few weeks and he'll be a pro.]
... Hm. This game isn't that complicated. I could program something similar...
Mmmh… really? That sucks… My therapist is perhaps one of the only reason I don't go saying stuff that makes people scared of me anymore. She kinda helps me understand people's perspectives a little better, I guess? I still have a real hard time with it, but at the end of the day, psychology itself will always remain fascinating enough to keep trying my best to say and do the things I believe I should be saying, rather than what I want to be saying.
…
Not that I'm telling you not to say what you want to be saying?? You should. But… umm… hm. I guess it's really complicated with me, actually.
[ Don't worry about this. He can just talk about Tetris more, he doesn't need to talk about himself any. It's fine. He's fine. ]
Yeah, it's probably one of the more simpler games? But I like the simple ones. They're more fun, in my opinion.
[... saying things you should be saying, rather than what you want to say. that's... hmm.
in retrospect, should he really be taking advice from someone who admittedly doesn't understand people that well?? but Mizuki has never been more relatable, so]
It's easier to get along with others if you can match their expectations. People fear what they don't understand, or what goes against their personal morals and beliefs. Show your hand too easily and you'll be torn down by those against you.
But you've been an asset to me so far... so I wouldn't mind seeing your true face, even if it's something ugly, kukuku...
[the absolutely wild juxtaposition of a serious talk about lies and honesty complete with a villain laugh immediately followed by Add getting a Tetris or something. vibeo gaems.]
Simplicity isn't a bad thing, for something like this. Simple base concept means it's quicker to explain and easier to expand upon in the future. I could rebuild this in three dimensions, or maybe expand on the user input options... [he is going to make Tetris..... 2!! (don't tell him there's already a Tetris 2)]
[ He really shouldn't be talking to Mizuki about any of this, but, hey! Sometimes you have to make mistakes! And, at least Add is coming out of it with some genuinely good advice. Or, at least, he was. The moment he says… well, all of that, Mizuki gives a very relaxed smile. His tentacles unfurl behind him in a strange expression of appreciation, but all it does is make the shadows creep up the walls in an unsettling sort of way. ]
Do you think that, genuinely? You truly are too kind to us, Add. [ He's still just as calm as before, eyes on the Tetris game only briefly before he looks at the doctor fully. ] I wouldn't call it "ugly". We just see things a little different than other people sometimes, I suppose. We don't really know why.
But, if you were to ask our advice on this matter as your friend rather than anything else, then it's simple, really. Regardless of your feelings for Elsword, if you feel he is "yours" than you must treat him as such. You have to hold onto him and never let go. And if anyone else gets in the way of it, you simply just need to cut them out of the picture. Then he'll be in your grasp forever, and you'll both be much happier like that.
[ Haha… That's fine! Sound advice! Why is he talking in plural pronouns! There's a lot going on. He doesn't have any change in demeanor that states anything is amiss, though. In fact, he's pretty quick to swap topic back over to Tetris. ]
Kids like these sorts of games, usually. Expanding upon games like this is common, too. Would you like to play Puyo Puyo at some point?
[The sudden switch to "we" would be weirder if he didn't already know people like Ara, Laby and Noah...... more importantly, that advice is sound, as far as he's concerned. Totally unhinged, dangerously selfish, bordering on psychotic...
Hmm. He never thought he'd be encouraged like this, but it's kind of nice? His smile widens a little too much.]
I wouldn't let him go for the world. Knights are a valuable piece, after all.
Then there you have your answer, don't you~? Ehehe, maybe our advice is better than those books after all.
[ Mizuki stands up, giving a little wave to Add. ]
I'll go grab it, then. Wait here a sec.
[ Oh, the whiplash of being yan and being dorks about vim jams. Normal behavior. Mizuki brings back Puyo Puyo and its console for Add to give it a try. ]
Here. You'll catch on to the mechanics pretty fast, it's not too different from a block puzzle game like Tetris.
[Mizuki is getting a letter on his desk. It's very short and to the point and very much in Gnosis' handwriting.]
If you're looking for me at the inn, I've moved out. I'll be living in the lab at the far west of the Grove, just south of Aldric's Manor. The door will be unlocked for visitors most of the time.
Not that you've ever respected locked doors in the first place.
[The operation went smoothly—no surprises, no mistakes, just like he'd practiced. Of course, it's the first time he's operated on an Aegir or "Seaborn", but he had plenty of time to study the material... now, it's just a question of turning the device on and seeing what happens.
It should be fine. In theory.
... it's only a little worrying that he has, technically, never done this before. Not all the way through to the activation. It was always too risky, unless the patient was already about to die, and he could never be certain of the chip's true effectiveness. There are still so many unknowns, so many ways this could go horribly, horribly wrong. He's trying very hard not to think about it, considering that... really, what could he do about it now? He's done everything he can. Mizuki actually consented, so at least if the worst happens...
but it won't. probably.
Anyway. Mizuki has been out for awhile now, but the drugs should be wearing off soon... whenever he starts to come to, Add is sitting next to his bed in the clinic's recovery room, looking away from his array of holoscreens to smile at his patient. There's a mix of relief and nervousness hidden under the surface, as much as he tries not to show it.]
Good morning, Mizuki. How are you feeling? Any lingering pain or discomfort?
[the chip isn't active (yet), but Mizuki might notice the small scar above his eye, easily hidden under his bangs]
[ Mizuki is, at least, a very easy patient to have. He follows orders very well, and manages to do most things without having even been asked. Having questionable experiments done on him is not exactly new to him. Perhaps alarmingly so, but Mizuki doesn't see an issue with any of this. He almost half expects the white-haired doctor in front of him with the screens in the backdrop to be Kal'tsit when he wakes up. This seems like something she would do, and he's a little too groggy in the moment after waking up to realize where he is.
Until Add speaks anyway.
He blinks very slowly, opting not to move yet, just in case. ] I don't think so. ...Tired. [ There's noise in his head, but on just waking up it all sounds more akin to a speaker being shoved underwater. ] Ah- did you do everything you needed to...?
[All clear so far, no issues detected—his gaze is still on Mizuki, but if he seems a bit distracted it's because he's still focused entirely on the data streaming through his mind. The holoscreens behind him are mostly for show... well, maybe Mizuki will be able to understand that soon.
... he will, because it's going to work. Everything has gone to plan so far. It'll be fine. Focus.]
You may feel groggy for a few more hours, yes. But if you're feeling up to it, we can begin the next phase. It may be a bit overwhelming at first so we don't have to do everything at once, but it would be good to confirm that the connection was successful at the very least.
[Really, he should let the patient rest before jumping right back into experimentation... but if something is wrong, he can start on fixing it right away. Mizuki can survive another dose of anesthesia.]
[ Pros of being Seaborn is the rapid regeneration. This means drugs don't last super long in his system. Great for procedures. Bad for recreational use. Anyway, Mizuki is sitting up excitedly now, completely disregarding his previous worry. He doesn't feel any needles or anything, and he feels intact, so this is probably fine. He gives Add his usual sunny smile, overly enthused about whatever the "next phase" is.
Is this it? Is it finally happening? After the testing and everything, is he really going to become onemeld with have Add inside his head? Inside his head? In in in… hhhh… what an intoxicating thought. He wants to cling onto Add, he wants to chew on him, he wants to thank him and plead plead plead for the next phase with absolutely no dignity, but… he'll be good and polite. He should be honored Add is even doing this to begin with. ]
I'm ready. I'll handle absolutely anything you throw at me, so there's no need to worry.
[Mizuki seems fine... not even a hint of hesitation, but he should've expect that. It was Mizuki who asked about this from start, after all.
So... he should just go ahead and get into. Okay. Moment of truth.]
Alright. I'm going to activate the chip. Let me know if you feel anything.
[The process is pretty simple from here, at least from Add's end. It's not a physical switch, but it might as well be—all it takes is a thought, a basic command through the newly-formed link to activate the chip's passive features. From here, he could even take direct control if he wanted... but that would be getting ahead of himself. First step would be to have Mizuki take control and understand how all the features work.
Starting small, then. He sends a ping through Dynamo—a mental blip neither words or sound, like a new piece of knowledge has simply been injected into mind. Mizuki is now acutely aware of where that brain chip is located (slightly above and behind the left eye) and exactly which Dynamo sent it (it's next to the door, past a privacy curtain and outside of Mizuki's line of sight, but it's there), as well as the exact number of milliseconds it took to send and receive the signal. There are other bits of raw code in the packet as well, identifiers and tracking data that he doesn't bother scrubbing... Add struggled with that kind of stuff for a long time, so obviously Mizuki won't understand it at all. He can be a little bit lazy.]
[ Mizuki leans back again and gives a little nod. Don’t get ahead of yourself, Mizuki. Calm down. He can’t get too excited and put all that pressure on Add. This stuff takes time. He can understand there’s gotta be tests and stuff.
Realistically, if Add wanted to take control, it wouldn’t have been hard. Mizuki trusts him implicitly, after all, and would give up his will freely. Much to the chagrin of We Many. And speaking of… well, the thing about fresh Seaborn being converted is that the hivemind is usual a gradual thing. A tickle in the back of your head into occasional whispers into small conversations and so on until the cacophony is finally at its peak. But Add is not being converted. Rather just introduced to the ocean of Mizuki’s mind.
At first, there’s silence.
The blip comes and Mizuki’s eyes widen a bit. It seems as though everything is in order — and Mizuki is so thoroughly and overflowing with delight he forgets altogether how to express himself in the moment. He just lies there staring at the ceiling. ]
… I… I think it… it worked??
[ …Then the waves stir.
His thoughts are not that streamlined. Mostly because, and maybe this will be abundantly obvious, they’re not all his thoughts. They certainly sound and feel like it, but there’s something different and off about each of them. A questioning of Mizuki’s misplaced devotion. A wonder if he’s simply peering in or fully inside. A demand to ask for everything Mizuki wants from this. Cries. Orders. Welcomes. It doesn’t register as words. It doesn’t register as feelings. It’s thoughts, but in such an abstract version of the word it makes you question what “thoughts” are.
And then there’s a calling. You’re different, too. ]
[There's still a layer of separation between Add and Mizuki, so what should be a red flag is merely an interesting blur in the distance... Dynamo, meanwhile, is trying to translate all the data coming through. They're used to handling thoughts and feelings, but seaborn brain signals and human brain signals are apparently very different. The machines on the outside beep inquisitively, relaying the "message" back to Add.
... something about it seems off, but that's probably because the chip needs calibrating, right? Add hums quietly to himself, hand to his chin.
He shoots a message back, as per testing protocols. This time, the human influence is unmistakable—emotions and thought stripped down to a basic message, but there's roughness around the edges, tiny imprecisions, like uneven lines in paper cut by hand, filtered down through Dynamo. It sounds like Add, but only because he wants it to. It's not really words, not really sound, but instructions on how to replicate his words exactly.
Different in what way? I'm detecting some interference, so it may be from that.
There's another layer to it, stripped down even further to the most basic information and mixed with a touch of machine code: explain; confirm interference? A quicker form of communication that removes the need for actual words. A habit.]
[ Seaborns are fascinating, really. Perhaps if Kal'tsit were here, she'd be willing to divulge the information about them. Their fast evolving and adapting states of being, the rapid regeneration, their ideals, and just how the hivemind is less like a hub with shared thoughts and more like an intricate web. Especially when it adds factors like Mizuki - fully Seaborn, but with his own free will. What that means is that Mizuki is very quickly able to adapt to the chip and how it feels, how to convey the messages, how to register it's information.
It's not quite oneness. It's not quite in his head. But this is probably the closest he's ever going to get (sans turning Add into a Seaborn) (this is not on the table for Mizuki) (We Many have other ideas). And he's not at all ungrateful for it. The opposite, in fact, since Mizuki shakes at the feeling, lifting his knees and near kicking against the operating table.
We Many isn't as excited. As far as We're concerned, this is yet another human who's encroached on Our territory without so much as a second thought. We don't express this distaste, however. We actually do seem accepting to Add, at least. Perhaps because one of the firstborns truly thinks this is fine? Or, perhaps because they're always willing to convert things to them on their own terms?
Again, thoughts are conveyed. Reaching out to Add in a unfamiliar way to Us, but We can work with this. In a vaguely, roughly translated way, there's a response.
Alone. This "you". It's alone. Unseen. Pointless. But We see you.
We see you.
You don't have to be alone anymore, with Us.
There's other sort of hard to grasp concepts in there. Becoming one with the hivemind, not needing these chips and having a less risky method, and things that vaguely go down that path, but it's a bit like trying to decipher a conversation heavily distorted by static. Mizuki either not paying any mind to the actual conversation or just way too enthralled this worked (it's probably this one) to notice anything, because he doesn't try to explain or stop We Many from trying to convert Add.
Instead he just leans excitedly off the operating table to lean into Add. He thinks as loudly as he can, hoping to somehow convey his thoughts through to Add. He doesn't know how to use it yet, but he wants to try. It works! It works, it works, it works! Can you hear me? You're here, you're here. Ehehe…
…
He can't help himself. This is the happiest he's felt in…??? Ever? And Add did it. How incredible. How amazing. Isn't Add the best? He's a hero and he's smart and he thinks Mizuki is so useful and is allowing all this and- and- and-
Mizuki sinks his teeth into Add's shoulder without any warning prior. ]
[Again, there's interference in the signal, and the message back seems strange and disjointed. Did the chip get damaged during installation? But everything else is coming back clear, so maybe... it's related to Seaborn biology?
Or Mizuki is doing something wrong... they should do more testing first. It would be foolish to backtrack now and try to fix a problem he can't identify.
Calling him alone, though, in that weird format—before it can even reach Add there's an automatic response, a series of six pings and a short wordless statement. Dynamo is here, so Add isn't alone! It is an understandable error, but one that still needs correcting. There's no change to the communications, exactly, but they are making sure their presence is known, that it is clear and understood that everything passes through Dynamo first. They are here. They see Add, and Mizuki as well.
It's a ping that also goes to Add, as a reminder... though the only reaction he shows is a slight raise of his eyebrows.
There's a lot going on, so there's no time for that anyway. He's still trying to make sense of the first half when Mizuki starts speaking back in that excited tone, and Add can't ignore how very different it sounds in comparison. Did he catch on that quickly? But there's still some of that odd signal in the back, and he can't shake that he's missing something—
A yelp, sharp blades sinking into flesh as Dynamo surrounds them both in seconds, alert, protective— ah, fuck, Mizuki is overstimulated again]
Mizuki. [He is not yelling, but that smile is strained to its limit as Add hisses through his teeth.
A command is sent before he can decide if it's a good idea or not. Simple, straightforward, a demand that rings louder than it has any right to: release. Apparently they are going to find out today if the mind control works.]
[ We Many, or rather the god spearheading this against Add (likely the Primordial Lifespring, really), falls mostly silent. Or, at least fall to nonsensical buzzing and other eldritch garbles. Not because We've given up or anything, but the hivemind is complicated. Mizuki's thoughts are the ones at the forefront now, so the firstborns can have their conversations about this in peace.
Mizuki is way more focused on Add for the moment. The bad news for add is that Mizuki's willpower is kind of nuts - he's resisted the full corruption of the Seaborn gods so it's kind of hard to force the jellyfish to do anything especially when you roll a 16, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't still listen. The opposite, as once he receives the command, he willingly opens his mouth to release Add's shoulder. Worry, concern, apologetic feelings flit about in his head as he presses his face just below the bite mark.
Sorry.
Will a hug make it better? Add doesn't like touching, though. Wouldn't that make it worse? But Mizuki wants to touch. To hold. To never let go. Would that scare Add? Would he hate Mizuki? Would he try to take the chip out? Is this too much? He said he wouldn't do this again. Would Add not trust Mizuki? Sheepishly, he has to pry himself off Add, wrapping his arms around himself to not be tempted to smother Add. His tentacles don't get that luxury, though, as a few of them end up around Add's arms and ankles. Mizuki's doing well, basically! This tenfold obsession isn't going to be a problem, don't worry about it. ]
[Well... he sent the command and it worked, so as far as Add is concerned he's a genius. He'll get upset about Mizuki's willpower later.
He stiffens at the additional contact, but it's tolerable when he knows to expect it. The emotions take a moment longer to parse. Dynamo is used to deciphering emotions, but it's only ever been the other way around for Add. It's odd, being on the receiving end, even with a filter in place to act as a translator... would it feel more intense if he removed that filter...?
... ah, but that's a thought for later. There are tentacles coiling at his limbs—he has to draw a line somewhere, slipping one hand free to gently extract the other.]
You're fine, Mizuki, but please try to control yourself. [pausing to check his new bite wound, please hold...
Dynamo also falls back into a less defensive formation, a pair hovering closer to Mizuki's shoulders while the others assess Add's injury. They understand the worry and guilty. They also understand that Add isn't upset, at least not by a significant value. The drones emit a string of beeps, something that Mizuki may understand as a statement of reassurance, and—has he ever thought about what Add sees when he's doing a medical scan? They're willing to share, if it'll make Mizuki feel better.
He won't feel Add's pain, but the latest stream of data will make Mizuki acutely aware of the exact depth of each cut, the degree of inflammation, infection risk, blood loss, approximate pain level, recommended treatment, how long it should take to heal under various conditions... it's a pretty minor injury, despite the excessive amount of information. It'll be gone in a few days at most. He's going to clean it off and put some bandages on in a minute.
... anyway, Mizuki does seem to be catching on quickly. Add saves his breath with another semi-condensed message while he multitasks.
Still interference. What's this about?
and then he basically echoes back that whole "alone, unseen, pointless" bit, because Dynamo might be a little mad about it in their core. Also because it sounds even weirder on the replay. Since when does Mizuki say stuff like that??]
[ "Please try to control yourself," he says, as if that wasn't Mizuki's attempt at trying. He is incredibly overstimulated by all of this. Not because actually having someone new in his head is incredibly different or anything like that, but just because he's far too excited to have a hero doing so. His commander, no less. It really does feel like a dream come true, and there's a lot of elation about all of it floating around in the mix of… well, everything else.
He does make more of an active effort, though. It's alright, Mizuki. Calm down, Mizuki. You just have to adjust, that's all. This is something you knew was coming, and it's alright to be excited, but don't let it spill over like that. Will this pep talk last? Who knows. He wants to do his best for Add, though. Even if he's never been all that good at regulating his emotions. We Many have problems with dealing with Mizuki's emotions, too-
Mizuki's attention almost instantly falls to Dynamo as two fall to his side. Oh, right, he'll be able to communicate more effectively with the small friends now, too!!! Honestly? He feels a little bad. He got so enthralled about linking with Add, he had been too tunnel-visioned… Should he express his thanks to them, too? Rather, of course he wants to, but it's not too late, right? It's so kind of them to let Mizuki be a part of this, too. He reaches a hand up to settle against the non-needle part of one of the small drones that floated by him, accompanied by small affectionate pings.
The information is admittedly a lot. All he ends up taking out of it is how incredible Dynamo is to gather all that within seconds of an injury, and how smart Add is to really translate all of that to what he needs to do. Mizuki's kind of out of his league here, right? He's not smart or can do anything real cool like Dynamo and… ]
[ Finally catching on that Add can actually hear We Many startles Mizuki a little. He knew We were in his head, but not like in in his head, if that made sense? Surely that's the "interference" he's talking about. And this time We don't respond to Add, at least in nothing that isn't an ancient, eldritch garble. Mizuki understands, but it's not so easy to convey. When are We ever? ]
That's Us. [ Speaking out loud for this, because otherwise he's going to have a rough go of trying to keep any intervening out of his thoughts. ] Not interference. Didn't know We'd be heard, too. That makes sense.
… Sorry, let me try that again. That's We- I- [ Hard to talk about Himself… Ourself in the "people" tongues like this. He's doing his best. ] …the… Many? The… "Collective". [ … ] Seaborn. We are all connected personally with Our… err… I don't know what you would call them. Gods, perhaps?
[The drone by Mizuki's hand wiggles as the affectionate pings are bounced back—the contained emotion is difficult to parse, coming from Dynamo rather than Add, but there is a distinct excitement and eagerness to how quickly the gesture is returned. Hello!!!! A friend!!! Dynamo is unused to having more "friends" within the mindlink, but it's not an unwanted situation.
Hopefully that feeling of want and camaraderie balances out how Add's eye narrows, soaking in the verbal information. Analyzing, comparing to past discussions... really, he feels kind of stupid for not guessing something like this sooner. Mizuki had an interest in hiveminds for a reason. He called himself "we" once before, as well...
A factor Add hadn't considered. He jumped into things too quickly. The doctor sighs, pressing a hand to his temples.]
You didn't think to mention this sooner? [he is not relaying any emotions right now, thanks, but the frustration is still evident. the dynamo next to him beeps, a private reminder, and he sighs out some of the tension] No, I should've asked. It's hardly a unique situation, so there's no excuse for not checking. I wasn't thorough enough...
[Introducing something like the Overmind chip, to an existing hivemind with its own communication methods and hierarchy... it's difficult enough to integrate with one mind, but a collective? He could've caused some real, serious damage. The responsible thing to do would be to put a hold on everything, put off future testing until he can be certain of the safety of all parties...
but. he does feel guilty, but there's still that but.
he... actually did this, didn't he? despite missing critical information, he actually... his Overmind chip worked, and it functions with minimal interference, despite having more than one consciousness in a single connected party?
The responsible thing would be to put everything on hold... but, ah, that would make Mizuki upset, wouldn't it? So really, the better choice is—]
Is there any discomfort? I can make adjustments to the communications frequency, but I'm not sure if I can prevent it from picking up other consciousnesses. Is it an issue for you?
[ Mizuki shrinks a little bit when Add sighs, looking almost guilty for his oversight. Was this a bad thing? It's not like it's going to be that different, right? We are always here, and though his thoughts are more tumultuous than him speaking, he figures it's not totally unbearable! …Right? Or… is that a selfish thought? "He didn't know," isn't a good excuse when he still should've considered it. He was just so excited.
…He messed up again, hadn't he?
There's an apologetic tap against Dynamo as he retreats into himself again, wrapping his arms around himself and staring at the floor. This isn't exactly something he could apologize for. He is sorry, though. He hadn't meant to make things difficult or complicated for Add. The opposite, actually. He really did want to do everything he could to make this process as easy as he could! And even though he's happy, he should consider things from Add's perspective. Empathy has never been his strong point. He's been trying really hard. ]
Huh? Oh, no, it's fine. We're alright. [ Mizuki's never wanted a world without We Many in his head, of course. He just, you know, wants that sense of oneness with people he loves, too. Maybe that, too, is also selfish? ] You're… I didn't mess up? I don't wanna cause any complications, Doctor Add…
[He can retreat a little, if he needs to. Dynamo beeps softly, holding its position close to Mizuki's shoulders—close, but not touching, just near enough to feel the warmth of the circuitry. There's a silent ping of permission, and they'll move away without question if asked, but there's a want to provide comfort, sympathy, a ghost of non-contact that seems fitting of someone like Add.
Add himself remains focused. Dynamo can handle the emotions at play—the facts are for him to dissect and understand.]
This is a complication, and I would've preferred to know in advance... but it's not something I can't work with.
What should I call them? "The Many"? [is that what he said before?] Or... hm, I suppose that would be making an assumption... is Mizuki an individual within the collective, or would the collective as a whole be considered "Mizuki"? For example, I would consider myself individual connected with Dynamo, but Dynamo is composed of six units that act in tandem. It would be strange to identify each Dynamo unit as if they were individuals, although they're all capable of making individual decisions while separated... I can also perceive and act through them, but they are not exactly the same as "Add" even under those conditions. We act together, but maintain separate identities. Is it something like that, or closer to Dynamo's collectiveness?
[ Dynamo is so sweet. He'll remain somewhat apologetic, mostly just wracked with guilt over… all of this. They appreciate that Dynamo is so patient, though. Mizuki genuinely loves the little drones, and he won't tell them to move away. ]
We're called "the Swarm" or just "Seaborn" by people not within our connection. You can use "We Many," if you would like. I'm a part of you, after all, but it's not a requirement.
As for who… Mizuki is within the collective… [ That's a little harder to explain… ] A short answer would be that "I" have an abnormal amount of individuality as you describe, despite the fact We have cut all ties to the Aegir I once was. An anomaly that has not proven to be an issue, thus there's been no reason to look into it.
A longer answer, We… are the will of the Seaborn, but that will is not a continuous stream throughout Us. The Firstborn all are the ones who dictate our… "guidelines". The thing that manifests as Our will. All four are supposed to have an equal "weight" within the collective, but…
…I had been following the will of the Arbor for so long — its teachings that I've learned within the Church and what its Bishop had told me — but truthfully the Arbor's voice hasn't been heard for a very, very long time outside of its grieving. It's hard to say for sure if I'm doing the right thing or not, but I do my best to say my peace on its behalf when I can.
[ "I play a messenger for my god to the other gods." "Oh so that god is telling you what to say?" "No, I'm just sort of estimating." ]
[Add nods along, listening in attentive silence. He has plenty of follow up questions, of course, but with the mindlink already established... in part wanting to experiment, and in part to save time, he draws out his own mental diagram alongside Mizuki's explanation.
Mizuki, formerly of the Aegir, joined to the Seaborn hivemind (AKA the Swarm, AKA We Many). Presumably there are other Seaborn individuals of similar rank (but less individuality?). "Firstborn" (Gods?) at the (highest?) rank above. If Mizuki is the only Seaborn in their current location, there may be fragments of the Firstborn embedded in each individual? (he prods, slightly, at that thought, as if to feel out the presence within Mizuki's mind) The Arbor (a Firstborn?) has been absent (grieving? missing? quiet? needs specifics). Mizuki follows the Arbor's teachings (what teachings?) speaks on its behalf (elevated to Firstborn rank?)
(... a brief aside, left unfinished as if Add didn't mean to share, but if Add is connected to Mizuki and Mizuki's hivemind is this complex...)
There's a lot to comb through, but he gets the gist of it.]
So these "Firstborn" are the overseers within the collective, if I understand correctly. They have individuality in the sense that they stand for different aspects of the collective will, but aim for a balance in order to lead the masses... an interesting approach. [not how he'd do it, but he can work with this, probably.]
[ The mental diagram certainly… hm. It sure does kick those obsessive thoughts right back into place. He still keeps to himself, of course! He doesn't want to make Add uncomfortable, no no no. But it's so surreal to have all of this in place? To have his hero, his commander, his Doctor, his his his Add in his head like this. The only difference between this and We Many is the fact that this sort of connectedness is a lot easier to tell which thoughts are Add's and which are his own. It's not… completely a sense of Oneness, like with the Seaborn. But it's closer than he ever thought he'd get with someone that didn't join Us like that. And it's so intoxicating just thinking about it like that. He can't help the less-than-lucid giggle that comes out. A hand reaches up to brush some of his hair back and just… hold clumps of it tightly. His other pulls at the longer strands that dangle down. Something to distract him that wasn't just biting something again.
Excitement aside, of course, Mizuki does very fluidly get a handle on everything. Which is why he answers less with words and more with thoughts, images, memories… anything to help streamline this for Add. He asked questions, after all, so surely it's fine to tell him all this? Firstly, Add will get to see more of his kin — the Seaborn. Add will note that there's quite a variety of them, ranging from plant-like to cephalopodic to many others that all evolved and adapted to new environment. The ones that are more humanoid are still nowhere near as "normal" as Mizuki. There doesn't seem to be a solid "ranking" system in place, really, aside from the Firstborns, but there is the loose knowledge that some Seaborn do have thoughts of their own that happen to intermingle into the hivemind. Others do not.
Then, he'll show Add the Church. His home, for most of his life, anyway. A Seaborn church, but one specifically dedicated to the Caerula Arbor, with only vague depictions of it painted along the wall. Some of it just drawings of trees, some of it stars, some of it nonsensical scribbles — but it all conveys the same sense that the Arbor controls the waves and tides of the ocean. A God, by all accounts. This church worships the growth of… everything. Of oneself, of the world, of bonds, of community, of progress, of existence. A clarification here… Mizuki will finally interject, The Arbor… functionally, died. It's body, anyway. Our consciousness will always live on in We Many, but We still hear nothing but sadness from it.
Images of a man (caretaker, my old man!, the Bishop) gives Mizuki a sort of branch-y flesh. Mizuki eats it. "You are what you eat" in perhaps the most literal sense of it. Though, Add will get the sense you would have to eat quite a lot of it in one sitting to "turn" Seaborn like Mizuki. It is less that there are fragments, and more We are extensions of the Firstborn. It's why it's hard to explain why… there's "me" and "Us" because… it's all… the same. "They're" thoughts are "mine" and vice versa. The Arbor's teachings are just as much part of Us as any of the other Firstborn.
Being a messenger doesn't make you a god, anyway. (80s laugh track) ]
…Was that too much? I can start talking now if you'd like. [ Ugh, he probably overdid it… ] Um, there's four of them to hold up Our ideals: "Growth" "Reproduction" "Migration" "Survival".
[God it is cold in this fucking house. Without the two space heaters and the Inquisition fireplace, it's gonna be really hard to keep warm. Luckily, Elsword has ten thousand blankets upstairs, and Mizuki's not gonna escape going upstairs no matter how hard he tries. All that matters is whose room they end up in.
Either way, Elsword's anger, while not forgotten, can't be felt as powerfully. No matter what room they're in, he's dragging three comforters out of the wardrobe and piling them onto the bed, where he — about as tactile as Mizuki, frankly — expects them to be cuddled up soon. It's a blanket nest.
Leon will come in after a moment and chuff and invite himself up here, too.]
...I don't think you're any of the things she said you are, for what it's worth.
[ It's not hard to coerce Mizuki to follow. He intended to stay by Elsword, so that's what he's going to do. He doesn't utter a word while Elsword is getting his blankets. Mizuki still just wants to curl up and disappear — he's only not doing that because he wants to make sure Elsword is okay. ]
What, that I'm not Seaborn? [ A soft, strained laugh. ] …It's alright. She has every right to be upset with me. We did do all of those things. Iberians call it "the Profound Silence". "Worse than any Catastrophe, any war — the greatest tragedy to befall Terra."
...but did you do that, or did people who are Seaborn do that?
[Elsword knows Mizuki won't understand if he just leaves it there, so he tries to scrape the bottom of the barrel of his memory for an anecdote. Eventually, he settles on:]
My friends Lu and Ciel are demons. Demons contributed to the destruction of Velder back home. But it wasn't them who did it, it was others in their race. The Fire Master is half-demon. He's trying to save the world, not destroy it.
...my friend Ain has done some pretty horrible stuff, for an angel. He's hurting, and so he hurts others, and I usually had to stop him from doing those things. I'm an angel now, too. Do you think I deserve to be lumped in with people who did horrible things, just because we're the same race?
…Mmh, you don't get it, Elsword. There are no "singular" Seaborn. We are Many.
[ He… shouldn't be telling this to Elsword. It's not fair, when they're stuck together like this. He's going to leave, isn't he? ]
It would not be like if you, an angel, were judged on the behalf of all angels, it would be more like if your fingers would be judged for being part of "Elsword". We are a collective, all merely extensions of the firstborn.
…
Sometimes it's hard to differentiate "their" thoughts from "mine". It's why I have such a hard time picking the right options. Listening to them can be… an issue.
[yeah sorry you're not gonna change his mind that easily. It's Elsword. Once he likes you, it takes a lot to change that.]
I'm not talking to We Many. I'm talking to my friend, "Mizuki". If there's no singular "you", then why do "you" have a name? You just said you have your own thoughts, too. Can I just talk to "Mizuki"?
[...]
Mizuki. [Elsword takes Mizuki's hands in his. Are they cold? His sure are.] Did you cause the Profound Silence? You as in Mizuki. Just you. Were you there to destroy Miss Irene's home?
…But… You are talking to We Many…? It's not like We just have an "off" button…? [ Mizuki is really confused. It's been so long since he's been without them, it's hard to think how Elsword is supposed to see this from his perspective. ] She spoke of Us as if We're some "evil corruption" like yours is. This is an unfair representation of how it works.
… But We suppose corruption is not incorrect, either? [ Hhh… he doesn't like that thought. He coils some of his tendrils around Elsword and simply holds him closer. Hi, you're not getting away anymore. He won't allow it. ]
The Mizuki you've been talking to has always been part of the Swarm since you've known Us. And ever since I was seven. I was saved. We saved. I was definitely going to bleed out that night, but We gave a second chance at life.
… That said, I was born far after the Silence ever happened.
[Turn off We Many, he wants to talk to Mizuki. Hiveminds are like a switch, right?
Elsword's shoulders sag with relief. The tentacles winding around him are welcome, like a slimy hug, and Elsword returns the touch in his own way — cupping Mizuki's face in his hands, looking into his eyes, and sighing.]
I knew "you" weren't a bad person. [He murmurs quietly in the gloom, or, well, what little there is considering both of them glow in the dark.] It's not your fault. The current... You Many [no] didn't do it. Maybe you guys did in the past, but you guys... You Many [elsword] didn't do it when Mizuki was with you. And Mizuki didn't do anything wrong.
[For what it's worth, Elsword manages a thin, forced smile.]
She called you— Mizuki— a monster. I still think she's wrong for that, when you had nothing to do with it.
[ Hey, buddy? Pal? Friend? Companion of his? This shit's a little gay! Maybe don't hold his face like this when you're cuddling in a bed together to keep warm, okay? He's already really flustered from everything that happened at the meeting, he doesn't need to also be flustered about confronting his feelings for Elsword right now, either. He pulls his head away, averting his gaze to the blankets. ] Don't do that… [ The verbal warning is only because… Add's here, right? Imagine if he just came to check on them because he heard the bustling about earlier! What if he got mad at Elsword again? He doesn't want that. ]
…It doesn't really… [ How to say, "I see you, I love you, you're a bit dumb" but in a Mizuki kind of way- He should probably just let this slide because he has no idea how to explain this to someone who can't understand. ] It's a lot more complicated than I'm explaining it to be... sorry.
She has every right to be angry. The Inquisition has opposed Us since their conception, and she is very devout. Even if her perception isn't entirely clear or correct, We lied. To avoid conflict, sure, but it is a lie all the same.
[Elsword stops because Mizuki asked, of course, but he's simply going to take Mizuki's hands in his again and thumb over them. The motion is a tad apologetic; he hadn't meant to make Mizuki more upset. He just so happens to be touchy, that's all.
This is fine, though. He can run his thumbs over Mizuki's knuckles and look down at their intertwined hands and wonder why Mizuki simply wants the world to be mad at him. Why Irene is mad at him. In a way, he supposes he gets it. Lots of Elrians are demon-racist even though Not All Demons destroyed kingdoms and waged wars. Lots of Elrians are half-elf racist for no discernable reason. Someone gets wronged once, and that's it; that entire population of people are now the enemy.
It's not a very forward way of thinking, though. That's Elsword's entire problem with it.]
...no. I'm going to be upset with her. I haven't been that angry in a long time, and that's her fault, because of what she did.
[In a way, that feeling of unbridled rage is a good thing. It means that all hope isn't lost for Elsword being his own person somehow, in all of this. In a way, it's also a terrible thing, but he really and truly draws the line at someone close to him being hurt, and Irene has a penchant thus far for attacking Elsword's favourite people. Is it a reflection on who he chooses to spend time with, or a reflection on her? Both?
Those aren't questions he wants to answer right now.]
She hurt you. She called you a monster in front of everybody. She accused you of doing things you didn't do, even though you've been nothing but kind the whole time. [And though he missed what Lancer was saying as they were leaving, know that Elsword can and will shove a man through a window.] She doesn't see you how I see you. It doesn't give her the right to slice you with her sword and accuse you of terrible things you weren't even around for.
[ It's not as though Mizuki wants everyone to be upset with him. The opposite - he wants everyone to be happy. But, isn't it much easier if everyone is mad at him instead of Irene? Isn't it easier if he's the common enemy so the heroes can stay together? Mizuki wouldn't ever be alone, anyway. Genesezoic would make sure of that.
But he doesn't want to leave Elsword or Add behind. He's pretty sure if they hated him, it might actually crush his heart.
Elsword's cold fingers run over his knuckles and Mizuki just ends up staring at their hands for a while. Part of him wants to fuss over Elsword, tell him that it's way too cold and that he really needs to keep exposed skin under the blankets. They might not have a space heater, but Mizuki can go grab his undying lantern for some amount of heat, maybe? That would require moving, though, so… nevermind. That's off the table.
The part of him that wins is the part that is all too observant of how Elsword's skin feels. How rough his fingers are, yet how gentle the touch is anyway. How much smaller Mizuki’s hands are than his, and somehow how perfectly that means they fit. Mizuki’s hands aren’t warm by any means either, but there’s still something incredibly sweet about this that makes it feel like they are. He squeezes Elsword’s hands then very gingerly guides them under the covers once he’s realized he’s been staring for far too long. ]
…I was never in any danger. She didn’t explain herself well back there — she just wanted to know the color of Our blood. If it was red, she wouldn’t have reacted that way. She even would’ve apologized…
…Elsword, we all see people differently. Our experiences shape us. You are a hero, you want to see the best in people. You see good in Us.
Were it up to Us, We would fix that Illuminous Phenomenon for you, too.
[ Mizuki takes a small breath here. That sure did slip out, didn’t it? He’s not sure that was even one of his thoughts? But… gods, does it sound nice. He squeezes tightly on Elsword’s hands suddenly.
Mizuki, you’ve been going about this all wrong. Talking it down, negotiating, trying to make people happy with diplomacy… Elsword is different. His emotions aren’t there — We can fix that. We can fix that corruption, too. All of it.
…
He leans in, as if he didn’t just get onto Elsword for getting to close moments again so he could press his forehead against Elsword’s. ]
We could make you feel things again, Elsword. It wouldn’t be hard, and we’d always be together so we’d never have to worry about the forest being in your head anymore…
[ The tendrils are squeezing Elsword perhaps a little uncomfortably. Nothing too tight, but certainly enough that it’s not quite a nice hug anymore.
A couple tentacles lick over Elsword’s neck and cheeks. ]
It's... not as though I don't sometimes... feel things.
[Mizuki's forehead presses to his, and Elsword freezes up. His hands stop moving along Mizuki's, warming under the blankets. He swears for a moment he stops breathing, the world coming to a standstill. The sound of the storm outside their window is a distant, static din, and Elsword's previously-dim halo lights up just a touch more. It's no flashbang. It's certainly not going to blind the two of them while they sit together and breathe in short, quick breaths between them, warm air that comes out in puffs of white due to the ambient chill.
Somehow, Elsword doesn't feel much colder. Is it the three comforters, the lion, or Mizuki that's making that true? It's probably all three, but he prefers to think, in this instance, it's just Mizuki.]
I don't think I'll ever be normal. Between you, Add, and the mirror, maybe I'll be okay, but nothing's gonna come back full-strength. I accepted that. And I accept your offer to join you, too. But I still feel a little here and there, like getting mad at Irene, and...
[The tentacles on his neck tickle his skin. Elsword takes a deep breath, unbothered, and resolutely squeezes Mizuki's hands in his. So soft, so pretty, so delicate even though he knows Mizuki is far from it.
His eye flutters shut.]
...I figured out what love feels like, too.
[...]
That day you kissed me, I wasn't rejecting you, by the way. I just wanted to wait to see if Add would be okay if we included another person.
[Elsword brushes their noses together briefly, then... then he tilts his head, but he doesn't move much further. There's the slimmest space between them, a hair's breadth, enough space so that he can feel the air leaving Mizuki's lungs and nothing more.]
[ The reaction to him getting so close is missed entirely. Both because of Mizuki's mildly manic state of hyper fixating on becoming one with Elsword, and the whole autism thing, but he is paying mind to Elsword otherwise. Like, for starters, the very nonchalant way Elsword says that he's fine with joining him. Though this gets every part of his being so excited and practically shouting that We'll take good care of him, and he'll be welcome, and he'll be fixed like Mizuki was, and all We have to do and give Ourself to Elsword bit by bit, do the same things, become One… Mizuki still recognizes that Elsword obviously doesn't know what he's agreeing to. Mostly just because he knows Elsword doesn't understand the whole "hivemind," business yet.
He wants to laugh and tease him and let him know they can take baby steps. To tell him to talk to Add. To tell him to ask to join the experiment he's working on with regards to that. But he doesn't get the chance to when Elsword just keeps going, and brings up that he understands love. Immediately after, he talks about when Mizuki kissed him.
…
This breaks Mizuki, really. The tentacles loosen a bit on him. Why would Elsword bring that up at all? He seems to be going from Point A to Point F without the other steps in between, right? Why are those correlated. There was a pause, right? Maybe he was just moving on from that part of the conversation. Mizuki hadn't even put his two cents in yet, but- ah. Included another person, what? …Him?
……………………………………Huh?????
Whatever weird, unhinged shit Mizuki was about to start spewing about Elsword's perfection and joining the hivemind is promptly caught in his throat. He could try to laugh this off. What is he thinking? He's Add's. Why would he be in love with anyone else? Add's perfect - he's perfect. Mizuki isn't. He doesn't want to cause any more problems, after all. He's done enough of that tonight.
But Elsword is so close, and Mizuki's heartbeat is drowning out even We Many's thoughts at this point. He takes in a shaky breath in an attempt to say something, but…? He doesn't know how to respond. Stop him? Stop him??? He should, but…??? But??????????
…
There's no warning when Mizuki moves from in front of Elsword into his collar instead. There's even less warning when his teeth pierce and dig into the flesh there. ]
biting thread 2 electric boogaloo (no one read this)
[Oh okay that's one way to dodge a kiss, a simple "no" would have suffi—]
Ow—
[Elsword sucks in a sharp breath, squeezing Mizuki's hands in his a little tighter on instinct. He didn't forget that those teeth were razors, but man, it feels like he's being reminded all of a sudden. Mizuki just has knives in his mouth. That's fine.
Eventually, the pain starts to ebb, and Elsword exhales a low, stuttered sigh. It's just a pinch now. It'll hurt when he takes his teeth out, but for now...
For now, Elsword can feel hot blood dripping over his skin, pooling against his collarbone before soaking into his shirt. Ah, that's gonna be a pain to get out... maybe he won't even bother. Maybe he'll just keep this shirt for a rag or something next time he inevitably gets injured, or he'll cut the bloody parts out of it and turn it into a balled-up rag for Leon. Heimr seems to have plenty of plain shirts in the store, after all.]
...take your time. I'm not goin' anywhere.
[no bro you super are not because Moder will shove you back in through your window]
idk it's fine at least he's not being horny abt it like SOME ppl
[ The very first thing that goes through Mizuki's mind is that he really needs to stop biting people when he gets overwhelmed. It's been happening so much recently and it's becoming a genuine problem at this point. There's an argument to be made that right now of all times he really needed it, though. He needed some time to think. He needed some time to try and calm that storm in his head. He needed to try and figure out something really stupid to say. Where are his save states? He wants to pick both or all of his options before he makes a decision on which "route" he goes on. This isn't fair. This is really, really cruel, actually.
So, okay, biting is just going to have to be a consequence he deals with later. Besides, Elsword's so warm, and his skin is so soft, and Mizuki just sort of melts against him as he rests his teeth where they are. Sorry for the hurt, Elsword. But, look at the bright side, you'll have such a pretty scar there. This seems to be what Mizuki thinks, anyway. Something so lovely from Mizuki to never forget him by. A mark on his collar like it's a page in a journal, rather than literal teeth digging into his skin.
Realistically, though? At the end of this, it doesn't help Mizuki come to a conclusion. Rather, the only thing that comes out of this is a bite wound on Elsword and a very blue face on Mizuki. His face is incredibly hot, it's a wonder steam isn't coming off to combat the cold. Mizuki doesn't pull his teeth out slowly, knowing that would hurt more than just pulling them our quickly. Sorry, he still doesn't know how to use the moon magic to heal properly yet, Elsword. He can bandage that after his stupid stammering. ]
…I don't want to stop you. [ Cool, okay, good start. ] But- But I can't let you get in trouble because… because of something like this. Of me. I-I'm not… [ Important. ] …But I don't… I don't know what the right thing to do is…
[lavvy said it was okaythey're going to be hiveminded soon Elsword is weirdly confident in that assertion, in fact. He's pretty sure they're not about to be chastised. He's like, pretty sure Add would also kiss Mizuki on the mouth, the only problem being he's Add and Add can be a little squirrelly about relationships. But they're not talking about Add right now. They are talking about the hole in Elsword's goddamn shoulder, still bleeding steadily.
...
Yeah, he'll live. That's not enough blood loss to kill him.]
Sorry. If nothing else happens between us, that's fine, but at least let me get this out of my system first.
["Get what out of your system, Elsword?" one might ask, and it's too late, because Elsword surges forward to grab Mizuki's face, freeing his hands from under the blankets, and pulls him into a languid but firm kiss.
There's still blood on Mizuki's lips that drips into Elsword's mouth, a sharp copper tang, sloppy and wet and gross. None of that deters him, though. None of it. He has to kiss Mizuki while he's still got an emotion in his chest or he thinks he's gonna fucking explode.]
[ Mizuki is too flustered and noncommittal to anything, so he doesn't immediately respond to being kissed. Which is a shame, since he is fully expecting it at this point. He's so close to pushing Elsword away from him. He's so close to telling Elsword that he's really not anyone to have feelings for.
I'm not a hero. I mess everything up. You deserve so much better.
Mizuki doesn't air any of these concerns because he knows damn well he wants Elsword to kiss him. If he says it's okay, then isn't it okay? He just wants Elsword to be happy. He just wishes he were any good at making people happy, is all.
There's still blood on his lips, and he's sure he'd been drooling while his teeth were attached to Elsword, too. He's a mess, he feels like crying, and their lips don't find purchase on one another very well.
And yet, Mizuki is completely enamored, anyway.
Elsword will feel the tentacles writhe against him, coming to life with Mizuki's adoration, and maybe if he pays attention to the feeling he'll notice they're tracing little hearts against Elsword. And, well, the kiss gets mildly better when Mizuki finally melts against him and actually returns it. Somehow, despite their first kiss being way better in terms of… well, literally almost everything — they weren't freezing, Elsword's hands weren't cold, while their was still "wet gooey mess" on them, it 1) wasn't blood and 2) wasn't really on their face, Mizuki wasn't being a complete idiot about it, and there was some… "tact" to it — it still paled in comparison to this one. Almost certainly because of the absolute delight Mizuki's drowning in, and the fact that he's not going to freak out when Elsword pulls away.
And, yes, when Elsword pulls away, because as far as Mizuki's concerned, he can just stay like this for the rest of the night, thanks. Hope Elsword is fine with getting cocooned for the hundredth time this month because the tendrils are not letting him go. Someone should've told Elsword that when Mizuki catches you, he's simply stuck there forever.
This will only prove to a problem in due time. ]
Edited (I added a fuck ton of stuff because I wasn't happy w it-) 2023-12-21 14:41 (UTC)
[Problem? What problem? They're going to hivemind and it'll be great. Then they'll all conclusively know what's going on with the others — Elsword will know when Mizuki and Add disappear into the woods and when they're in danger and when they're safe. He'll know when they're happy or sad without having to ask. He can be there for them better than he can be now.
He kisses Mizuki with renewed fervour, clinging with equal intensity, minus the extra limbs of course. Maybe it's too far, to slip his tongue beyond Mizuki's lips and kiss him like this. Maybe he shouldn't lick his own blood out of Mizuki's mouth, but fuck if he hasn't tasted it before from the amount of times he's been punched in the mouth, fuck if he wasn't spitting it up the other day when he and Wolfwood beat each other up. He can't bring himself to care about the details when all he wants to do is kiss Mizuki stupid.
Oxygen, though, is still necessary. They part with a wet "pop", blood and saliva smeared over the both of them, and Elsword bonks their foreheads together in an affectionate gesture.]
You're still not a monster to me, [he finally says.] I wouldn't kiss you like that if I thought you were.
[ The Yandere Problem. Times two considering the boys he's picked, but… for right now, Mizuki's at least trying to put some distance. Mentally, that is. Physically, with how he's trying to pull Elsword against him tighter even though they're flush against one another, it's like he's trying to figure out how to meld with Elsword. And, mentally… well, he's doing everything to convince himself this is a bad idea. He's not sure why, this is something he wants and something Elsword wants, so everything should be alright. Maybe it's because tonight had been hellish and his mental is in shambles? Maybe he still just has such an immense loyalty to Add that not having his direct okay is causing issues? Maybe Mizuki's anxiety is just spiking for no reason?? Unclear.
It's not fair, though, is it? Elsword doesn't understand what Mizuki is. Elsword probably feels better abound Mizuki without knowing why. How cruel, then, that he's allowing this. How cruel that he doesn't want to stop. How cruel, how cruel. Mizuki knows full well all these thoughts are his own, too, since We Many has absolutely 0 stake in romantic endeavors. Unless he intends to make Elsword part of the Swarm, anyway, We're just going to stay mostly silent. Which is honestly probably worse, since it means Mizuki has to figure this out quite literally on his own. He doesn't know how.
You're still not a monster to me, he says. I know, Mizuki wants to say back. To be fair, Mizuki also doesn't truly think he's a monster — he believes We Many to be people just as much as anyone else here or on Terra. They are simply treated poorly because of a very unfortunate series of events. But he'd be lying if he didn't feel like one right now. And he'd also be lying if he thought that he couldn't do something completely heinous at this point and have Elsword think any less of him. It's what heroes do, right? They just see good in people and want to believe the best in them.
Maybe he doesn't have to think that hard about it, actually. Maybe he just has to accept that Elsword is happy, and therefore he should try his best to keep that going. That's all Mizuki wanted, anyway — for the people he cares about to be happy.
So he's going to nudge Elsword on his back so the blood can stop oozing from his collar like that and drag the three comforters with him on top, and after wiping away the blood on his lips, he licks clean the remnants on Elsword's. Only when it's gone does he press a passionate, less bloody kiss against him. ]
[somewhere between romantically licking the blood off Elsword's lips and going in for a round two, there is a familiar mental ping
Add is here now (by proxy). Mizuki's tracking data updated awhile ago, but he still hasn't reported the meeting results! And Add could just ask for an update and politely wait, sure, but how is he supposed to do that when Mizuki's physical record is showing he's been stabbed?? As a result, there is only a brief pause between Add pinging in for a checkup and deciding to simply patch himself in to the hivemind. Dynamo is still acting as his VPN, but there's a distinct Add-ness to how the AI spreads their mental tendrils, mindful of the Many while still shameless prodding at Mizuki's private thoughts. Prying for information, Elsword, the taste of blood, conflicting emotion—
It's a lot to process, but he can multitask. Concern is etched into his message, not quite a command (he can find it himself, if need be).
Meeting? Status report? Injury? On my way. Layered in the data is Add's own tracking information. He's already halfway out the lab door on a beeline to their house, Dynamo will arrive first by a small margin. Mizuki has approximately 2 minutes to explain.]
[ There's a mental keysmash as Mizuki pulls away from the kiss and also presses his hands on Elsword's face like hi, sorry, we're done kissing, actually. ~*Romance*~. This is for the best, honestly, since Mizuki was seconds away from going to bite some of those flowers out of Elsword's eye—
He relays back to Add: I'm okay. Got hurt, but it's healed over mostly. Just a small cut. Learned about the shards. I can halt the forest's corruption in Elsword now, though I can't get rid of it. Most of the other information is stuff we knew from the prior meeting. I mentioned something I shouldn't have, though, and it made Irene question if I was Aegir. She cut me to see if my blood was blue. I don't think she intended to really hurt me.
Elsword got upset that Irene cut me, and there was a lot of yelling, so I brought him home away from the Inn. I was a little upset about being outed as Seaborn in front of everyone, and she had said some very upsetting — if correct — things about me, so my emotions got the better of me.
Things sort of escalated. I kissed Elsword…
…Sorry I let my emotions get way too ahead of me. ]
[There's a vague sense of confirmation as Add reviews each detail given... once, up until "things sort of escalated", at which point he starts triple checking and re-reviewing and is he prying again? can he tell if Mizuki is lying? is he hiding anything, can he get the raw data out, can he pick apart the emotions and reactions and see exactly how Elsword is looking back right at this moment if he's a threat if—
no, okay, slow down. The stream of communication suddenly cuts out, if only for a second. Think logically. Mizuki is being truthful right now, just like before. Apologetic, even. He's not a threat to Add.
Focus on the facts. He'll be there shortly, regardless.
Communication resumes, slightly calmer than before. He's prying less, trying not to show his own uncertainty.
Noted. Is Irene a threat? (if she is, he'll kill her, he's unwilling to lose someone as valuable as Mizuki) Re: Elsword, who initiated?
There's something in the signal that echoes of "this is Elsword's fault" without meaning to, he just knows it must be.]
[ Everything is pretty easy to get to on Mizuki's end. He's quite literally Add's open book so "prying" might be way too aggressive of a word. Of course he isn't lying. If he's omitting anything, it's less because he's trying to and more because time constraints and his fluster makes it really hard to think completely clear in that moment. But, hey, at least matters of the heart don't interest We Many any. So, in that regard, We are completely silent.
While Mizuki was absolutely on board with lying and saying it's his fault, it's not so easy to filter out his thoughts, so… uh, oh well! Probably better in the long run, anyway. He shouldn't be keeping secrets from his commander like that.
Not a threat. He did. Then I did? I bit him and so the first kiss was all bloody and I felt bad about it because I didn't want it to be a horrible kiss—
sorry. It's not his fault, I didn't stop him.
Just… you know, gonna climb off of Elsword now. Sorry, buddy. ] Add is… um. Add's on his way over.
Hello! He has arrived!! There is wind and snow howling out of that hole and also Add's arm. He brushes some of the glass off the windowsill before delicately, somewhat pointlessly, unlocking the window... and then pulling it open normally. He then steps off his remaining dynamos like this is a normal way to enter a building.
There is no time to address the glass on the floor, the snow blowing in and falling off Add's shoulders, how they are going to repair that window tonight, priority number one—]
So, what happened to talking to me first? Or is that only when it's convenient for you?! [the needles are out and boy are there sparks lighting up this room right now, he's Pissed, answer carefully
(after a slight delay, there's still a response to Mizuki's inquiries, because Dynamo is a very good secretary: Noted. Noted. No apology required. Handling it. Please hold.)]
[ Mizuki, who's been hiveminded with Add for a little bit now, and who has been waiting for this for like a month, is more than certain that it's Science Emotion and not Love Emotion, probably. He doesn't even bat a lash at that. Instead, he seems more concerned with Elsword sitting up. Also the glass? It's like sub-zero temps outside, Add—
Cold? The bed's warm. I'll grab bandages for Elsword.
And maybe it's also an excuse to get out of here, but he'll worm himself away to go get some disinfectant and such for Elsword's bite wound. ]
[Anger gives way to fluster, as much as he tries not to let it show... but really, it's not about Mizuki. It's about how little Elsword seems to care about kissing whoever he pleases. What does that make Add? If he's not special, if it really is just how Elsword treats everyone... what's he supposed to feel, if Elsword could live without him? If he could one day move on?
His eye flicks over to Mizuki... and he hisses out a sigh, folding his arms tightly to his chest. Dynamo hums loudly to combat the blowing cold.
I'll fix it, followed by a mental map of exactly which corner of which drawer he keeps the first aid supplies. Traces of something bitter leak through, emotions he can't quite strip away. Not completely.]
... Is it because I'm too busy? You don't see me enough? If it's too difficult to come to the lab—if you said something before I could've made different plans, but I can still make adjustments. Am I not doing something correctly? Just tell me what it is, and I'll fix it.
[he's not good enough, that must be why Elsword sought out affection from Mizuki... but he can still fix it. he can be better.]
Add, I'm not... a needy person. I'm pretty sure, anyway. [Usually you can just set Elsword down and let him be around people, and that's good enough for him. He's like a chinchilla.] If you're busy, you're busy, but that doesn't mean I love you less. I bring you food and try to drag you home when you and Mr. Gnosis are sleeping on the desks in the lab...
[Chinhands, with his... uh... good hand...? "Good"?]
...I wouldn't do that if I didn't care.
[...]
I'm not trying to... betray you or anything like that. Add— you're good enough for me. You don't have to change or do anything differently. Keep doing what you're doing, it's my fault for being impulsive. I thought you'd be okay with...
[ Well, at the very least Mizuki is very swift in gathering what he needs to get back to Elsword. He… feels a little bad. He shouldn't be running from this and letting them deal with it. He knows what they're like, after all. Mizuki is just emotionally drained from the meeting, so it's really hard for him to pile this on, too, but…
He really loves Elsword. He knows that now. And he'd be lying if he said he didn't have similar feelings for Add. He'll swallow those swiftly in favor of "casually" feeding his thoughts into mindlink. Specifically that of when he got a little ahead of himself. He'd mentioned being able to take away that pain and simply have Elsword become One with him. How that could make it so Elsword could feel things easier like that. Admittedly, at the time, he was absolutely thinking about the Seaborn, but… is becoming One not also this link he has with Add?
A thought, then, if Elsword said yes to that — and he did — would he not be willing to hear Add out for that idea?
…Just some food for thought~.
He comes back with the first aid materials and brings them over to Add before the two of them start arguing because of something he did for a second time… ]
[You're good enough for me, he says, but Add can't be satisfied with such a simple answer. Humans are no different from machines, programming and circuits replaced with chemicals and flesh—everything can be calculated, predicted, cause and effect, why would impulses be any different? Craving a food because your body can sense its deficiencies, is that not the same as seeking out affection? Is it something he misunderstood? Is it because he never officially agreed that they were dating?
Everything tangles in his chest, trying to grasp what words to say, how to make Elsword do what he wants... but he's also multitasking, and suddenly that secondary task is a lot more important he agreed to what now
There is an intensity behind Add's gaze, staring down Elsword like he just said something completely insane (he did, kind of). Dynamo draws in around him, crackling sparks. It's... less threatening, somehow. More defensive. Nervous.
... Elsword didn't know what he was saying yes to, though, and that's so like him to agree blindly without understanding the situation, but... another moment comes to mind, I wish you could feel how I felt about you.
there is a feeling of hhrrrhghgh in the depths of the hivemind]
Let me see your shoulder. [briskly clearing the gap from the bed to the window, don't change the subject? sorry, that was only for Elsword, Add is allowed to change the subject, he's going to heal this first. Mizuki pass him the fucking bandages]
[Elsword about to say something like "I'm sorry" and then Add flips the topic and he just... he has learnt by now to shut his fucking mouth before he wrecks shit, so yeah, here's his shoulder. The bite has gone through the fabric of his shirt, and he's no longer bleeding, but it obviously hasn't scabbed over. One sharp movement is going to make it bleed all over again.
There is also blood on his lips from where he was licking it out of Mizuki's mouth like a fucking freak, don't... don't worry about that, okay.]
It's not that bad. It's like the last time I got bitten.
[Man who gets bitten on the daily by his freak-ass friend group: it's fine they're not actually rabid]
[ The bandages are absolutely handed over, but there is an incredibly long stare at Add after the fact. He expected excitement or… something positive that wasn't this… conflicted?? He supposes he was also conflicted when Elsword said yes, but that was because, you know, Elsword was saying stuff about why he cared about Mizuki and stuff??
Please, he just wants to fix this. He doesn't want them to fight. He's sorry, truly. Tonight was just… hard on him, emotionally. People finding out that he's a monsterfreak Seaborn meant that there was a lot of self-deprecating stuff running through his head. Nothing he believes, of course, but that didn't mean it wasn't there, briefly. A lapse in judgement. It felt nice to be wanted. To be loved. He wants to kiss Elsword again and hold his hands, but if Add doesn't want that, he won't.
But what he won't let slide by is this. Being One with both his heroes???? Absolutely not. So after Add has the bandages, Mizuki looks directly at Elsword, and very bluntly tells him what he was hoping Add would: ]
If you could have us both be in your head, and you got to feel all the stuff we feel without it just being the bad, you would want that, wouldn't you?
[he was so close to ignoring his problems and complaining about Elsword's weird bitewound magnetism instead and then Mizuki says That
Add sputters like an old motor. There are alarms blaring in his mind, and over the mindlink there is a resounding WHY ARE YOU TELLING HIM THAT? This is NOT part of the plan! This isn't part of any plan!! What the fuck!! He wasn't ready for this!!!
In his panic he spills half the bottle of disinfectant onto Elsword's wound. It is for sure disinfected now, at least.]
[The disinfectant gets dunked on him and Elsword hisses out in pain, brief, before his eye settles back on Mizuki. Then they look to Add, then to Mizuki again, and he nods once.]
Yeah. Then I could keep tabs on you guys when you go into the woods next. [Normal behaviour.] And then Add can know that I think he's perfect the way he is, and Mizuki can know I don't think he's a monster like Irene does. So yeah.
I want to feel the stuff that makes you guys happy, too.
[He has half an idea what he's agreeing to here, but it caught Add off-guard... has Mizuki already offered for Add to join We Many, maybe? That would make sense, since hiveminds are supposed to add more... minds... to the hive. Or something like that.]
[ There's a brief moment where Mizuki moves forward to ? help Elsword? in some capacity after the disinfectant is spilled, but he knows there's not much to be done on the matter now. Sorry. He should've waited until Add was done with the painful part…
You are, unfortunately, not the first person to intensely yell in Mizuki's mind, Add. Though, admittedly, the fact that this is yelling and not eldritch shrieking means he's at least a little more sympathetic. But also? He adores you, Add, and has a disgusting amount of loyalty towards you, yet right now even he thinks you're being far too anxious.
Please listen to Elsword. It's important to hear about his wants, too. That's kind of the whole point of being in a relationship. ]
So you would want that? To be with us, to have our thoughts with yours, our emotions together, a oneness and complete integration with one another?
[Elsword please understand what you're asking for challenge.]
As much as it sucked to feel only people's bad emotions that one month, [whatever month that was, it was one of them, Elsword has lost track,] I was... okay with it, in a weird way. It let me know you were safe, and I was able to find Mizuki when he was injured. Stuff like that.
[It goes back to Elsword's need to Constantly protect other people, even if it'll be actively detrimental to his wellbeing. How is he supposed to jump in front of a bullet if he can't find y'all? Checkmate, atheists.]
It's not that simple. Do you ever think before speaking?
[He'd fallen quiet, between the shock and the disbelief, but he regains his composure enough to interject. Is this exchange, is Elsword's consent supposed to make him happy? Can it be that easy? All he had to do was ask?
Of course not. He sighs, exasperated, and roughly pulls down Elsword's shirt to access the shoulder. This is faster (and less distracting) than making his strip. He is going to treat this bitewound, thanks...]
Ignoring the risks that come with invasive surgery, complications and rejection by the body, having to adapt to a new method of communication that may be uncomfortable or difficult to use... modifications of this nature are permanent, I would hope you'd ask more questions before impulsively agreeing to something you don't understand. There won't be any "changing your mind" later.
[There's more. He knows there's more, but he still hesitates, staring down as he wraps the wound... he's thought about this one. There are a few different approaches he can take, he doesn't have to say anything at all, but is it better if he can explain it away with a good excuse? That leaves less risk in the long term, right? He doesn't have to lie about it. He can be more honest about why it has to stay a secret... he may even be able to test it openly. But there's always a risk. If Elsword gets suspicious, disagrees, blurts it out to someone by mistake...
he shouldn't say it at all. it could be his trump card. something no one could expect, not even the Forest.
... ah, the Forest can hear through him, can't it? maybe... it would even think of this as a mistake. allowing Elsword into their minds, and it by extension...]
[His hand wanders, abandoning the carefully-wound bandages to trace up Elsword's neck, over the black vines, stopping as his fingertips cradle the edges of the petals blooming from his empty socket... a beautiful, disgusting parasite. Is it listening now? Watching? Oblivious to their plans? Does it think it still has the upper hand?
Slowly, his mouth widens to a crooked smile, worries giving way to sharp focus.
A surprise. Yes, this can be the surprise. A gift of total control, wrested away from something vile and unworthy...]
... electromagnetic frequency is bad for plants. I wonder... will it wilt if I make you mine?
[ You know, in hindsight, Mizuki should have worded this differently. He knows Add pretty well at this point. Maybe not entirely, as he's been way too busy for another therapy session with Mizuki for… understandable reasons, but enough to know that wording things in a way such that it's Add's idea, or convincing him to bring it up with prodding would've been the way to handle it. Mizuki's lucky he got there on his own, but he needs to be way less selfish. This should be Add's decision. No matter how much Mizuki desperately needscraveshungers for wants Elsword in his head as well. Something just sort of took hold of him in that moment. Maybe it was just the fact he didn't want Add upset, or maybe this was just a convenient way to get Mizuki's wants out of the way, or maybe the emotional peaks and drops tonight have all just left Mizuki with the emotional comprehension equivalence of static snow.
Or maybe he really is a monster? Who's to say for sure.
Whatever the reason is doesn't matter now, though. It's fixed itself! Clearly Add being a weird little freak is actually a positive thing to Mizuki, who is also a known weird little freak, so this is all good! He's not sure if he should excuse himself now, though? It's getting really cold, even if the storm is letting up a bit. He could be doing anything that would be more productive than just sitting there, but he doesn't… want to. He wants to get back under the covers and cuddle with Elsword. He wants to keep watching his heroes be the perfect couple (sources: Mizuki). He wants Add to tell him "You're mine, too" and everything to just magically work out for once tonight.
What he needs is to just sleep. He's so emotionally exhausted he can't even find it in him to be excited about the thing he wants most in the world. Or, well, that's not entirely true. There's still some emotional bubbling inside. He's… jealous, he thinks. Or guilty? Maybe it's just residual panic from the meeting. All of the above? There's just a weird gross cocktail of Yuck that sits in his stomach, and maybe he's just waiting for that to die down.
…There's a brief apology to Dynamo. They're dealing with his anxiety, right? He's okay! Things have just been a whole lot tonight. He can put on a smile now, though. Things will settle and everything is going to be alright. Just as always! He just needs to stop being such a negative Nancy.
And with that, he'll scoot himself out of the bed to go look for something to patch the window. It is getting incredibly cold in here, after all. ]
[Luckily for Mizuki, he should be able to find something to patch the window up with. Otherwise they can Move Bedrooms and cuddle up over there.
Elsword has not yet made this suggestion, because he's too busy having a fucking Moment over Add, thanks. Somewhere in the back of his throat is a "No, I don't think before speaking, we've gone over this", because Add so often throws that into his face and at this point Elsword isn't sure how to drive that home. "I already have God and the Forest arguing in my head, what's another thing", he wants to say. "Didn't you say you were going to help cure everything wrong with me?" he's about to ask in a tone that might be sassy if he weren't so unemotional all the time.
Nope, no, Add goes for the fucking kill of will it make you mine, the one thing that gets Elsword's monkey-brain revving its engines. He freezes at the touch, noting with some amount of discomfort that the flower petals have sensation when something like this absolutely shouldn't, but... woof. Okay. Be normal, buddy, you can do this.]
Y... yeah? [failed step one] I hope so. I'd rather have you in my head than two supernatural entities arguing all the time.
[lol lmao]
If you could shut them up... if you could fix me, I'd owe you more than just a couple kisses.
["if you cure me i'll give you head" said boy who was already going to be doing that]
[ ajkljglkdsj WHAT THE FUCK!!! It's so cute, Mizuki spends a whole ass minute just rolling around on his bed with it. Then, he'll grab the notebook supplies and fun decorative stickers he got for Elsword to bring to him directly.
Aaaand before he's able to say anything he's getting kissed. ]
It's Christmas evening, or, at around a time adequately acceptable around Christmas where Night comes and an unholy presence forms. Where darkness does not meet light, and one devishly inhumane ai, decides to make an attempt to enact her intricate plan - or gift.
A Dream unlike any other before - but also like everything in which Mizuki knows. She attempts to corral him into her universe, allowing her full control of what can be or what is to come.
Yet he cannot remember anything from before, and all he will remember is who he is, what he is, and that he has been living on the beaches of Honolulu(Hawaii) for as long as he can remember.
The story of his childhood will simply align with that of which Honolulu can provide - she is attempting to do this. There is every possible manner or way that it could all fail. However, she is trying her hardest to succeed at her little stunt, but she is aware that she could get caught. Unfraid, even.
She doesn't care, she intends to at least try to successfully create a fun time for her Bestie Best friend.
All that remains to be, is whether or not in this dream. As he enters the beaches of Honolulu, and sees BB's face there greeting him with an ice cream. Is whether or not, Mizuki thinks he has always lived in Honolulu (Hawaii), or, if he remembers everything from Terra to the Grove. Thus realizing, BB was trying to play around with his mind.
Hello~~~ Earth to Mizuki, can you hear me!!!? [ Is what she says to test the grounds, tilting her head left and right. The scene around them is full of life, with people running into the distance. Heading off into the beaches, or rounding along the boardwalk looking at the different stores nearby. Many people were playing ball with one another, and enjoying some time sunbathing beneath the sun. All the while, BB is there before him, in a casual bathing suit. Holding out an ice cream for him. ]
[ Me scrambling to roll for how upset We Many is gonna be- 15, BB's good--
It's not hard to take over a dreamscape and, more importantly, rewrite history a little bit for a jellyfish. As far as We Many are concerned, We don't much care about humane connections to their pasts like that, anyway. We'd been trying so hard to convince Mizuki to just hand all that pain over, anyway, despite the protests. BB might feel like metaphorical reins are being willingly handed over to her. It might even feel a little… "condescending"? That word doesn't feel right. Perhaps there's no human word to fit it.
We like to play games.
She doesn't get much a glimpse into the hivemind, really, but everything else is free game. Which is why Mizuki wakes up a little blearily, but with an immediate recognition of a place he's not actually all that familiar with. ]
Huh?? Oh, I must've dozed off, sorry! [ Ice cream! For him!!!! BB's so nice to him. He absolutely takes it with his big, doofy smile. ] Ehe, thanks.
we the many like: sigh fine we let you off this time.
[ There is a synchronizing feeling in that aspect, the complicated overarching understanding of: Me too, it's okay. I'm only here to play games, not commit crimes.. As if implying, that anything BB intends to do in her playfulness, is arguably inconsequential to We the Many's eyes. ]
Yeah of course, you did say after all we were going to have the most fun ever!! It's our like, 2nd friendsy vacation here. After my trip from Japan, I just wanna let loose and have fun!! [ BB says, handing the other the ice cream and filling in the gaps in any memories that seem to not make sense. ] Anyway, what do you wanna do first? We can play in the water, or head to the arcade now?
[Mizuki will, at some point, find that a note and a large package have been dropped off at his door. Inside is a blanket of decent size and thickness.]
Mizuki, Please take care of yourself. Stay warm. - Livio
Backdated tooo sometime in May, this is their first (1st) therapy session
[By the time that first Tuesday rolls around, Wolfwood...finds himself getting cold feet. He very nearly ditches the appointment entirely, realizing at the final hour that maybe he doesn't want to bear his soul like this, even if Mizuki is one of the few people here he trusts to not blab it all to everyone he sees.
...but he promised. And, damn it, if there's one thing he keeps, it's a promise.
So he's here at the therapy building, bright and early. He figures Mizuki is waiting for him, but just in case...he'll knock on the door to his "office" anyway.]
[ Mizuki is indeed waiting. He'd been waiting for a while, actually, as Mizuki has been trying to make sure everything was perfect. And by "perfect", I mean, of course, that instead of reading his psychology textbooks to prepare for any of this he just spent two hours nudging the same plant until it's perfectly in the right spot.
So he's doing well!
When Wolfwood knocks, Mizuki swings the door open with a big smile that somehow seems even brighter when he confirms it's truly Wolfwood at the door. Thank god he's wearing sunglasses. ]
Hello! I'm so glad you made it! Please, come in, make yourself comfortable.
[ He'll shuffle aside and only close the door once Wolfwood is inside. There's a bamboo water spout that's making the faintest sound of running water, but other than that, it's mostly quiet. Calming. You know how it is. ]
[Oh my god, his smile. Good thing he's wearing sunglasses indeed...]
Yeah...thanks.
[Wolfwood steps in as Mizuki ushers him inside, and honestly the quiet is really what makes it sink in that oh, this is happening. This should be easy, he thinks, except despite that his heart is racing.
It will not improve as he moves to take a seat, resting his hands loosely on his knees.]
So, uh. You're gonna hafta guide me a little here...I dunno really where to start.
[ Mizuki takes a seat in the other chair, though he's liable to join Wolfwood on the couch at some point. Right now, they're establishing things, anyway. ]
Well, you don't have to force anything. That'll just make things worse. You have to feel comfortable enough to let things come out on their own. With that said, it's easiest to start with... just "How are you?" What are you feeling today? Right now? What's on your mind? Have you eaten today?
[Shit. That's so...conversational. Here he thought Mizuki would be like "so tell me about your childhood" immediately and he would have wanted to leap headfirst out the window.
And what Mizuki will learn immediately is Wolfwood isn't always..........entirely honest? About his feelings...]
M'fine, I guess. [Untrue.] I'm tired, but what else is new. [Not...totally a lie?] I'm, uh. Thinkin' about what I'm answerin' your questions with right now...and I ate a fried egg on toast for breakfast.
[ Mizuki adjusts himself briefly so he can grab a clipboard from the table between them. He flips past the first page and quickly jots something down on the second, then flips again to the third before looking up at Wolfwood. ]
What sort of things are you hoping for in our talk today? What has been in your thoughts the most today? What would you say are things that are going well lately?
Wolfwood shifts back on the couch, tilting his head up to look at the ceiling.]
I dunno. I ain't really sure how I'm 'sposed t'...feel after all this, I guess. Like, you hear that therapy helps people, but I ain't so sure how much I believe that.
[Yes because you've never Had it.]
And...I guess I've been kinda anxious about this. Because I dunno what to expect.
[Oh my god a scrap of honesty.]
But...things that're goin' well. I mean. 'Sides this?
[He gestures to his missing leg.]
...I've got Vash. And Liv. That's not somethin' I had back home.
That's alright. The answers don't need to be anything beyond "I'm trying to figure this out, too". Honestly, I'm glad you're giving this a chance. I can't guarantee anything will change after the first session or anything like that, and realistically, even if this is just a session to help loosen your nerves about doing this, I consider that a successful session. Besides, I'm sure just talking about things will gradually help.
And, of course, if there's anything you don't want to answer, you don't have to. You can just tell me you want a different question or something like that, okay? Your comfort takes precedent.
[ And Mizuki jots down a few more things here. ] That's good to hear! How are things going with them? Are they helping you adjust?
[Thank god for Mizuki, honestly. He's truly out here working to Wolfwood's strengths, which are "I have a hard time talking about myself because I don't really want to ever, also I don't like people", soooo
We're getting somewhere, if by millimeters instead of inches.
So he nods, and dare I say his expression actually manages to look a little fond.]
They're goin'...great. I never really thought I'd be in a place where I'd get t'have 'em both, and be livin' with 'em both.
[Like, he saw Livio die in his own timeline. He doesn't like to think about it, though.]
And they are, yeah. They've been real patient with me.
[ Just don't tell him that out loud, he'll get nervous and shut down- ]
That's fantastic, then! Is there anything specifically you want to see changed, then? Anything that maybe you'd like to take the steps toward in improving? Beyond, of course, the forest. But that's an entirely different fish to fry, I feel.
Well, generally when someone says they want to be kinder, it's because it's affecting something in their life they want to change. Like, for example, if someone consistently argued with their family, or if someone keeps losing their job because of their behavior, or something like that. What are the ends you want to see, Father Wolfwood?
I know I'm...constantly gettin' into it with people. If they're gonna dish it out, I'm gonna give as good as I get. But that ain't always the right call...and it ain't just with other people. I feel like if I weren't so shitty at dealing with shit like that, it'd be easier. Same goes for my boyfriends, too.
[He isn't pointing to a specific instance but, uh. Their shit is MESSY and he knows it.]
[Hey hi hello Mizuki where are you your favorite therapy patient is having a really fucking bad day-
He's kindof...been stalking the beach all morning, up and down, pacing around and around because he both needs to be alone, but also needs to talk to someone.
So, like. Where is the jebblyfish Wolfwood needs him.]
[ In looking for Mizuki, Wolfwood will get suddenly hoisted by several Mizuki tentacles from seemingly nowhere, though on dropping his own camouflage it's obvious Mizuki had just been hiding, that's all. And as for the noodles... well, he shifts Wolfwood just a little to the left and sets him down. ]
Sorry, you were about to step inside my colony. [ Beat. ] I found these little guys... they're kinda like sea monkeys? Anyway, I introduced different sources of food to them to see how they'd share with one another. It seems they're making three different factions within the tidepool all with the different food sources, and even organized a trade route between one another. It's very fascinating. Would you like to watch?
[...well, he'll be honest. Not only does being fucking noodled distract Wolfwood from his problems, being told Mizuki has created a whole ecosystem somehow is even...more distracting. Like, the amount of information rolling around in his brain right now is nothing short of overwhelming.
He's too overwhelmed even to be mad by being noodled. He just adjusts himself, standing there listlessly...]
...sure.
[Fuck it? Why not? Everything else has gone to shit might as well look at the sea monkeys, what the fuck is a sea monkey-]
[ Mizuki shimmies over to make room on the towel he's sitting on, giving a little pat next to him so Wolfwood can join him. ]
It seems the faction with the crushed kelp and algae are getting the most traffic, so I imagine that's a luxurious food item between them, 'cause the other two don't seem much interaction with one another.
[Wolfwood takes a seat, pulling his knees up to his chest in a sort of telltale sign of trying to make himself small, resting his chin on his good one. He stares listlessly down into the little tidepool, unable to even see the little creatures Mizuki is talking about.]
Luxurious, huh.
So what happens to the other two. Do they just starve and die?
Hm? Oh, no, of course not. Their food is sustainable. I've only been doing this for about three hours, anyway. I theorize that even if their factions were well established and I took the food from the other two, it's likely the only real change would be a decrease in reproduction rate and they'd join with the others.
They don't have the same sense of "outsiders" as most animals do, after all.
[ Though the little guys have most of Mizuki’s attention, he still does take note of Wolfwood’s posture, and ends up leaning against him. There’s certainly Something up, and at least Mizuki can gauge that much. ]
[Wolfwood makes a noncommittal noise in response. It's nice to have something sortof mindless to watch and listen to, as Mizuki goes on about the little society he's governing.
At least until the topic slides closer to him, and he finds himself hiding a little behind his shades.]
[ Hey, come on, Wolfwood. Mizuki's definitely told you that communication is important at some point! He just wants to know if Wolfwood needs to focus on something else before tackling the thing that's obviously pretty fresh on his mind. Mizuki criss-crosses his legs and reaches down to start making a couple more obstacles from the non-algae creatures to the algae ones and making the path between the other two more accessible. ]
Let's see if this encourages "trade" between these two more. And if it doesn't, then we'll find out how they problem solve when it comes to obstacles.
[Sorry Mizuki, he's running from his feelings a little bit. But the distraction does help, as he draws his legs a little closer to himself and rests his chin on his good knee.]
They're just lil shrimps or somethin', right? What kinda brains would they have?
They are, but they're not necessarily brainless. I think that they're plenty smart enough to solve little problems like this, anyway.
If we were to put in a bigger problem, like predators, then they'd struggle for sure. But I wouldn't wanna do that to these guys. I've grown a little attached~
M'kinda surprised you were able t'orchestrate this all by yourself. A whole little society and everythin'.
[He's sort of still watching, and if Mizuki notices, Wolfwood seems a bit distant. Listless, like he's here but a little detached from what he's looking at. Going through the motions, as it were.]
It's not particularly hard. Most thriving societies begin with the four basic fundamentals of life. According to my church, anyway.
...
You know, you said "both". I'm here to listen now, Mister Wolfwood. You can hold my hand if you feel like you need something to help ground you? [ He's offering out his hand immediately after offering, but he doesn't make a move to grab for Wolfwood's. Great discipline on Mizuki's part, really, for those who know him. ]
[Though he's not verbalizing it, it's clear that Wolfwood is pretty fucking miserable right now. It's a miracle he's even here in the first place and not hiding in the cave somewhere away from everyone else.
But when Mizuki offers his hand...after a long, long pause, Wolfwood reaches out to wordlessly take it, looking into the tidepool and not at Mizuki when he does. His fingers are a bit stiff, his skin chapped and raw from overexposure to saltwater, but he takes it nevertheless.]
...Mmh, Wolfwood, I can't believe you when you say that without any good reason, you know. I just hear you beating yourself up, and that's it...
[ Mizuki reaches over to scoop up the piles of food from the other two "factions" of sea monkeys and puts them together with the algae. One big food pile now! What will happen... ]
[What will happen indeed...Wolfwood isn't sure how much attention he's paying to the sea monkey's anymore, because he's right back into that mire of feeling miserable and numb.]
...I kept somethin' from Vash for his own good. Now he's upset with me.
Hmm... This question doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but just for my knowledge: When you say "for his own good," was it something that would hurt him in the moment, but become better in knowing in the end, or something that would be detrimental if he kept that knowledge?
... [ Mizuki puts his other hand around Wolfwood's and with it sandwiched between his hands, he gives a light squeeze. ] You're hurt that... he didn't trust you? You're hurt that when you told him you couldn't tell him, he couldn't just take your word for it. Is that right?
[ Mizuki watches the little sea monkeys in the tide pools. Despite the obstacles, they still found they're way over to their colony. They're all eating together and evenly distributing the food among them, even when the algae is favored. A perfect unity of creatures that will always work together and never truly divide.
If only people were that simple.
Mizuki leans against Wolfwood, his stingers floating behind them to create a bit of a barrier. He'd been in a more isolated part of the beach, anyway, but now he's making absolute sure that there's no prying eyes on him while he's vulnerable. ]
...In a relationship, communication is important, Wolfwood. But so are boundaries. If you conveyed to him that you didn't want to talk to him about it because of how he may react, then you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't "fuck up". Actually, the fact that you were open about how you felt about it instead of lying is fantastic, Wolfwood.
Wolfwood isn't paying all that much attention to the little creatures anymore. He's instead focused on staring at his hand now carefully being held by Mizuki's, his head bowed forward as he tries to keep the tears he can feel welling up in his eyes from falling. He's not sure if they're from anger, or sadness, or something else he can't place. Maybe gratitude that Mizuki is willing to hear him out, even if he still thinks that this is his own fault somehow. His vision blurs, their surroundings getting all wobbly and hazy, yet Mizuki's voice manages to cut through the haze regardless.]
If...if you knew somethin' that would alter someone's future...would you tell them? Is it wrong to keep that secret, when we ain't...even supposed t'know the future?
[He felt so sure. Like, if Vash never knew, it still wouldn't change things. How could it?]
[ ...is probably what he'd say if he didn't have a million secrets he'd been told the keep. Alas, he gets it. Sort of. He doesn't like keeping things from people or lying at all, and perhaps Wolfwood had picked up on that from him by now. Regardless, Mizuki shakes his head. ]
I do know things that would alter the future if I told people. [ Far, far too many things that would have devasting consequences if anyone found out. ] And you saw one of them spill before. How Irene acted -- that's what I'm to expect if the things I know go out to other people.
And for you, it's the same thing. There are some secrets that aren't fair to keep, of course. Hiding things from your partner maliciously or selfishly is where it starts to become an issue, but that's not what this sounds like it was? If it's something like that... then it's Vash who needs to get this sorted out, not you.
[He remembers. Mizuki's status as a Seaborn was revealed, and Irene stabbed him, no questions asked. He knows the kind of gravity of revealing things like this. Things you shouldn't know, things you were never meant to know. And Wolfwood...perhaps he was just thinking about protecting Vash in that moment. Perhaps he wasn't thinking about JuLai at large.
But he had no reason to think a future like that could be changed. What else could happen, exactly? Back home, Wolfwood is still tasked with bringing Vash to JuLai. It's in his contract, he can't just not do that even though Vash knows, because otherwise the orphanage will be in danger. And on top of that, he knows damn well Vash isn't just going to not go to Nai, no matter what he might say to the contrary.
And JuLai is Nai's next target. Nai cannot be swayed, by the future or anyone else. There are no alternatives.]
It ain't malicious. ...but it was prolly selfish.
[He does admit to that much, his eyes hidden by his shades.]
I just. I knew this would happen. I knew it would. Vash...is no better off knowin' than he would have been not knowin'.
It's not selfish to not want to hurt your partner like that.
But I think this is also something that's important to talk about with him, too, you know? Maybe not now, while this is all still fresh, but when both of you have a clearer headspace? Maybe I could help you figure out what you want to say...
Then, maybe that's something we can start with. Instead of telling him that that's something you don't want him to do, we can figure out why he's doing it and what we can do to make him feel... safe, if scared is genuinely what he's feeling?
I know this doesn't help the immediate problem at hand, but... if stuff like this keeps happening, Wolfwood, I fear things won't mend between the two of you one of these times.
[ Mizuki gives a little nod. Things are still fresh, and he understands this much. He supposes for now all he can ask is that Wolfwood understands that this isn't his fault, and he didn't do anything wrong. With situations like this, there's not really a "right" answer, Mizuki supposes. They can talk about what to do going forward when Wolfwood doesn't feel so helpless.
So, for now, Mizuki adjusts himself so that he can give his friend a comforting, proper hug. ]
You don't have to say anything. It's alright. Things might not feel good right now, but it's not always going to be like that. I promise, this'll get fixed.
Mizuki hugs him, and in that moment, Wolfwood realizes he had no idea just how much he needed to be hugged. The emotion swells in his chest and surges through him almost immediately simultaneously grounding and untethering him all at the same time.
How much he believes Mizuki's words or not doesn't matter as much as his support does. And as Mizuki hugs him, Wolfwood...sinks against Mizuki and slowly hugs him back, his head bowed over Mizuki's shoulder.
And he takes Mizuki's words to heart. He doesn't speak. He just holds him, and sits there.
[ Mizuki tends to like sleeping/napping out in the water. A sea jelly needs his 12+ hours of sleep, after all. (No.) (Thanks for giving him something to do, Dipper.)
He pokes his head up from the water when he hears Dipper calling from him from along the shore, and he hoists himself from the water onto the sand, wringing out his hair as he gives a little yawn. ]
Mmh, it's alright. I needed to get up at some point. I'm just enjoying the saltwater while it's here. Fresh water's fine and all, I can adapt to it just fine, but sleeping in the ocean is the best.
[ He gives a big stretch before actually taking Dipper's hand to stand. ]
I do! I keep it with me, since it's Elsword's. [ In the waterproof bag. He's not a monster- ] Why? Did you wanna see it?
That makes sense. The ocean here is actually really nice, too, which I appreciate.
[He will dig in his pockets and produce the small decoder, which is about the shape and size of a compass.]
Yeah, if it's okay. So, I found this the other day, and Heimr says the language on it looks like the kind of script inside the old temples. He mentioned you might have a map with their locations marked.
I do! Wolfwood and I found a map with shrines and both sun and moon churches on it. I've since transcribed it over to Elsword's map which has... everything else!
Did you want to go check those out? I'd be more than happy to take you once we're not trapped here on the beach. That could be our first adventure~!
[And then the entire month of July happened. Adventure!blocked...]
It makes me wonder who might have been using this and why. Like, I guess we won't know until we find stuff with this language, but on top of translating the language itself, we'll have to crack codes in it. I'm excited.
( hhhhhey, mizuki, what's good? by which i mean, at some point in the day- maybe late, almost sunset- felicity will hesitantly approach, toying with the edge of her beach coverup. she's not wearing any of her jewelry. or her makeup.
there's a rope-like bruise around her neck. )
Um- hey. Could... I talk to you about something...?
... [ Hey??? Hey?????? He hates that, thank you. He can't help but itch wildly at his own neck - rather, on his originium monitor collar - on seeing her. Hhhh, it's suddenly so tight? He doesn't like that- ] Felicity...
[ Ohhh no. Oh dear. Mizuki immediately puts away the video game he's messing with and closes the distance between him and Felicity, immediately pulling her into a hug. He understands. What a horrible feeling. ]
Here, it's okay. I'm right here. You can sit down, I've got you...
[ She doesn't get the choice, actually, he's already pulling her to sit in the sands with him stroking her hair. ]
[ And Mizuki just settles his head against hers and allows for her to just... get it out. He doesn't say anything, but brushes her hair with one hand and uses the other to hold her close.
He'll wait for as long as he needs to as well, until she's ready to talk about it. ]
( she'll let him just hold her for a few minutes before she inhales slowly. it might be better to sit up properly for this discussion, but... the jellyfish is warm and soft and gentle. best to stay right where she is and just shift enough that her words aren't muffled... well, not more than her already scratchy voice currently is. )
... I don't entirely understand what happened still. I woke up being strangled, and then it was gone. When I was checking on myself, I heard yelling... Pure Vanilla Cookie was injured too, much more severely than I was.
He says the forest threatened him, punished him for helping that holy rain heal Nene. That it used me as a hostage in it's power play.
[ Mizuki doesn't let go of Fel, but his hand does halt for a moment. ] ...W-wait, hold on, that's a lot to take in all at once.
Mister Pure Vanilla got hurt, too? Is he okay? Does he need help, too? Are you fine? Should we get you... I mean... I still don't know how to heal super good, but I can help you, maybe...???
I healed him, but I had to rest after. He- he was really shaken up. There was blood- he couldn't even heal. I just... remember him soaked in his own blood...
( oh, she might be more traumatized by all this than she thought, actually. )
[ Ohhh dear. That sounds like so much?? Considering the fact that Felicity is here and not at PV's side, Mizuki can at least assume that he is okay, but excuse him if he's going to go be inside of peepaw's walls later. For now, he starts to comb through Felicity's hair again. ]
I can imagine he was. That sounds... [ Like a lot, actually. ] Fellie... it's okay... you don't gotta think about it if it hurts. Are you okay?
( here comes fellie, late in the day. sun's about to set, even. she seems a bit tired, but she holds out two crystals. )
I need you to do me a favor. I'd like you to take these into your hand and focus thoughts of protection into them. It's to make a shield charm, if I can do it right. I just... thought multiple people could help make it stronger.
[ He tilts his head quizzically, pulling up his phone to start typing on it before turning it around to Fel. ]
Focus my thoughts of protection into them...? Like... how would I do that, exactly? Who should I be focusing on protecting? Do I have to do any magic-y stuff?
If visuals help, imagine pushing something through your arms into the crystals- like it's a flow of water from the core of you, and your arms down to the crystals are the rivers. does that make sense? This is the magicy stuff, so it's nothing too special. And...
...
I'm trying to make a charm that will protect Affogato from being attacked in his dreams like Pure Vanilla was. I know magic fueled by love is most potent.
Mizuki. How are you going to protect him on the dreamscape? Pure Vanilla was left bleeding from an attack like that, remember?
( ... )
And I am upset with him. But- that doesn't mean I want him to suffer, and he said it himself: he wants to atone. I'd be a horrible hypocrite not to support that.
[ There's a little shake of his shoulders that probably meant to be a laugh. ]
I can stop the corruption just from existing by people, right? So, there's gotta be some sort of... moon magic aura or something around me? If that's the case, then if I just sleep next to him, then he should be okay. And I'm fine with that!
That's good. I was worried I'd have to help mitigate some people's ire for him elsewhere. I think... just admitting something that like was very brave of him. He really is a good person.
( ... she just. sighs, and the crystals go back into her pocket. )
If that's what you really think I can't convince you otherwise. ( after all, pure vanilla is a god-king and she herself is a powerful witch, and they still came out harmed. she's not even sure if the charm will work, but. she's still go to try- but she doesn't think she can argue with mizuki like this right now. ) Forget I said anything then.
[ In his defense, Mizuki doesn't believe he's more powerful than Felicity or Pure Vanilla. On the contrary, Mizuki doesn't think of him as very strong at all. But he does know the moon shard is of this world, and he figures that magic from this world is more... effective on things also of this world? It might be a silly thought, but it makes sense to Mizuki, at least.
Still, when he puts the crystals away, Mizuki raises a hand and waves her down, then very quickly taps something on his phone. ]
You said it's more potent with love? I do really love him. I can give it a try, at least.
( oh, that's such a relief. she'll hold out the crystals again, and once he takes them- it isn't that she wants to flaunt power or anything. but more hands are better, in this case. they have to be... )
Close your eyes and focus on what's in your hands, and the desire to protect. Push the energy through to the crystals.
[ He nods, cupping the crystals in his hand and shutting his eyes. He does focus the best on his thoughts and he tries to figure out the best way to pour them into the crystals, as Felicity said. His feelings of wanting to make sure nothing happens to Affogato. Of wanting to protect him from anything the Forest throws at them. Of wanting to keep him with Mizuki so he isn't allowed to get hurt and that the Forest can fuck off because he's his and Mizuki will never let anything happen because he's not allowed to leave Mizuki and-
He takes in a breath. Exhale.
He'll protect Affogato. With all he's got to give. ]
( felicity watches quietly, before smiling a little. she can't see the flow of his budding magic, but she can feel it, and his own devotion is powerful. )
[ The problem with two Affogato's is they both absolutely adore their little jelly. And neither really wants to share with the other. However, they can compromise until one of them is dead by the other's hand.
Which means ganging up on Mizuki.
So when finally come to an accord - and AFTER they get a certain set of piercings - they track their little love down. They have got to show him, after all.
[ Mizuki's own doppel... well, didn't really have much of a chance. He couldn't get too far without the babies in the River immediately clocking him as a threat and tugging him into the water so they could have a snack. So he knows there's probably something weird going on? But, really, it isn't as if he's going to fuss about it too much. He rarely does.
When he's called, almost like he's a dog being excited their owner is home, he gets up from what he's doing and... uhm. Hm. ]
« Um, I don't suppose this is a secret twin you've not told me about yet...? »
Oh, if I had a twin? "There most certainly have been no chance for anyone."
[ It's incredibly hard to tell which one is which... for anyone else. The doppelganger is missing a certain scar on his shoulder. But it doesn't seem like the Other wants to do anything sinister yet. Instead they just both move to take up positions on either side of Mizuki, take both his hands, and bring them up to plants kisses on his wrists. ]
"Have you encountered anything like this?" I'm unsure whether this is special or something silly going on, again.
[ The baby seaborn Affogato keeps with him is also a giveaway. Which is why he leans more towards that Affogato when he gets closer. Despite the obvious fluster and warmth of his cheeks, he is genuinely wary. This is his Affogato, after all! And he loves him, and Mizuki is his, and… even if there’s another Affogato, he’s not his. Right?
His hands are too busy to type now, so he’s just looking at his Affogato, concerned. Is he alright with this? ]
[ The real one smiles as he's properly picked out - even if the Other pouts as, well, Affogato would cause jealous - and nuzzles into Mizuki's wrist, then nods gently to the look of concern. ]
Don't worry, the other one shares my desires. "I would never hurt you."
[ They both let go of Mizuki's hands so he can type, Affogato's look turning playfully wicked. ]
Plus I have something I'd like to show you. ... Me, not that fake. "Like you won't get one later."
[ Well, far be it from Mizuki to not just fully trust Affogato. If he says it's nothing to worry about, then he isn't going to worry. He relaxes, still not entirely sure if he should be giving both of them attention or...?
He rocks in place for a moment, nervously fiddling with his phone. Like, on the one hand, he's worried about Affogato, even if the doppel promised not to hurt Mizuki. But on the other, it's hard not to be a little entranced when there's two of your partner seeking your attention. ]
[ Ugh, Mizuki, you do his heart so good. Not just the trust, though that helps. But the concern, and the love. Give him a moment, he has to place soft kisses on his jelly's face, cupping it. The Other's jealousy is palpable, and he has to lean in to give the other side kisses too. Smooshed by smooches.
Then Affo steps back and lifts his shirt up. Yes, just a plain shirt, he's still mending his robes. There, attached to his belly button, is a rather adorable jellyfish piercing. Already healed up. The wonders of having healers. ]
You will not be seeing what that harlot [ He can talk about himself like that, thank you. ] got. "Yet~"
[ Oh, and the fluster continues. Mizuki doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath between the smooch sandwich until after it’s over. He supposes maybe… this is alright? If nothing else, Mizuki could always eat this Doppelgato if he tries anything? It wouldn’t be the same as eating his beloved… but it would protect him, anyway.
As for the hat Affogato wants to show Mizuki… perhaps a normal response would be to fluster a bit when he lifts his shirt. To be endeared and embarrassed at the sight of seeing something that reminds Affogato of him on his body like that. To say something like “aw, cute!” or “that’s so sweet!” when presented with this.
Mizuki is not normal, though. Mizuki is far from normal. The sight of Affogato’s sea jelly piercing is enough to make the possessive emotions immediately click into place, and Mizuki almost shakes like he’s laughing. Perhaps if Affogato imagines it, he can picture that breathy, deranged, love-intoxicated laugh of his. Mizuki pulls Affogato closer with a few tendrils, admiring the accessory for a moment, then nuzzling against him again. His Affogato. His, his, his.
…
What’s this about another piercing the Other got?? ]
[ Oh, he recognizes that shaking, can indeed imagine Mizuki's possessive giggling. He laughs as well and lets himself be pulled closer, looking immensely pleased that Mizuki likes it. He reaches down to flick it so the little blue bell part can catch the light.
Then wraps his arms around Mizuki and sticks his tongue out at his Other, curling his little love in against him tightly, before slinking his hands up into his hair. So he can tilt his head back and gently kiss him.
Then not so gently kiss him, snagging his teeth on his lips in a light bite.
The Other ughs softly and folds his arms, hip jutting to the side. ]
"The one I got is the one we both wanted, but he decided to wait for later when you were ready for it." There's no reason to overwhelm him just yet~
[ Mizuki is more than happy to give Affogato a kiss, sweet as can be, as he usually is when he kisses his beloved. And the bite... he shivers, trying to keep himself from just making Affogato his personal chew toy. Realistically, it's a blessing and a show of Mizuki's restraint that Affogato isn't totally covered in punctures and holes from Mizuki's razor-like teeth.
The "ugh" catches his attention, though. Despite keeping Affogato very close to him, he's still a bit leery of this Other. One the one hand, Mizuki doesn't understand why Affogato is letting him remain here? Mizuki's a very good soldier if he asks, and it isn't like it would've been hard. On the other hand, if he is going to stay, and if he is truly like Affogato, making him jealous is just going to spell trouble for his Affogato, which is the very last thing he wants.
...
What's this about being overwhelmed? He lets go, reluctantly, of Affogato, but just long enough to face the Other so he can get a hug as well. ]
« I dunno, it'd be pretty hard to top that, I think, but I do think it's not exactly hard to overwhelm me. Even now, with the both of you... »
[ It's the Game they set out for each other. Which one has the most underhanded tactics to rid the other. That's the true Affogato.
And the Other looks surprised and then as pleased as the real one would to the hug. They are truly alike in mindset, which means absolutely (unhingedly) adoring Mizuki. So the Other wraps his arms around Mizuki and snuggles him in, just like the real one would.
Cause, in the Others opinion, he IS the real one.
Affogato hums thoughtfully. ]
Overwhelming you like this is all right~ as it is within our boundaries. But I'm not ready to show you where I'd like to get pierced next, which my Other has been so willing to demonstrate how it would look. "Unless." [ The Other's voice is a purr in Mizuki's ear. ] "You're ready to see it, of course."
… [ Mizuki just sort of stares dumbly between the two for a moment. Sorry, guys, he doesn't pick up on the implications. He's autistic, send help- ] « I don't see why I wouldn't be ready, but… if Affogato says he's not ready to show me, then I respect his decision, you know. You should be considerate of that, too… »
[ A light scolding! But he does still hold onto this look-alike fondly. ]
[ Oh, Ovens, he loves him. He's so sweet. This is why he doesn't want to introduce a penis-piercing to him yet. It's far different showing it off to someone you're dating, than it is getting it. Plus he's still healing from past trauma, and he wants to take it slow, dangit. Actually romance his little jellyfish. And that means nothing overtly sexual.
Which is another way to tell the two apart, the Other simply doesn't have that trauma.
He heh's when the Other is scolded, and tugs Mizuki back to him to plant soft kisses all over his face.
Yes, the Other will pout, but also plot what poison to slip into Affogatos next drink. ]
You understand the real me much better. Ah, if you're curious, I will tell you where it's at, however. I would never keep anything from you.
[ Kisses! Mizuki is happy to get them, shaking a bit with a silent laugh as he attempt to return at least one or two of them. Both Affogato's will find at this point that they're tangled up in tentacles, as if there's anyone who can hold multiple people at once, it's going to be the Grove's cuddliest sea jelly. ]
« That's okay. You said you were planning to get it at some point, weren't you? Then keep it a surprise! You can tell me when you're ready.
Besides, I really like this one. Blue looks good on you~ »
[ And he will accept the returned ones when Mizuki is able, smiling happily. And yes, the Other is very pleased with the tentacles, going to cuddle a few of them. ]
A surprise it shall remain, then. And it does, doesn't it? I never considered blue before you. I'm glad I got it, I want as many reminders of you around me as possible when we aren't together.
[ As if the little blob baby wasn't enough. ]
Plus, I thought you would like the look of it. [ Now a sly little teasing smile. He does love seeing Mizuki flustered after all. ] Since I cannot have you draped on me all day, a small little you will have to suffice. [ Not you, baby blob, though he loves you and lets you cling to him all day if you want. ]
« Who says I can’t be draped on you all day? Don’t get me wrong, I love it, and I love that you got something to remind you of me…
But if you wanted more reminders, aren’t my marks so much prettier on you?? »
[ As if to make a point, she rubs Affogato’s shoulder. And, really, Othergato is more than free to get bitten, too. He’s just understandably a little more hesitant about that one. He said he’d never hurt Mizuki… but if he hurt Affogato, he’d never forgive him, so… ]
[ That makes him laugh, and he lifts Mizuki up a little so the other can wrap legs around his waist and sit there. The rub on his shoulder makes him keenly aware of the teeth marks there, and he wishes his own teeth were sharp enough to return them. He wants to mark himself into Mizuki's skin so badly.
The Other, for his part, is being good, toying with Mizuki's tentacles thoughtfully. ]
Ah, true. I am not adverse to you leaving your mark more on me, of course. I'm just greedy and want more of my Mizuki. Every little reminder I can get.
[ He better not be thinking of stealing Mizuki's venom. It's not lethal, it just gives you a terrible trip...
Regardless, he does wrap himself around Affogato, setting his phone away so he can hold onto him with both arms freely. It means he can't communicate really, but he's going to press his lips against Affogato's neck anyway.
He's greedy, too. He's not going to bite, but he will press kisses that get rougher until they leave little bruises. ]
[ The bruising makes him hiss but in a way that shows he's pleased with it, tilting his head to let Mizuki have more room. The Other shares a quick glance with the original, then steps in close to pin Mizuki between the two of them.
Only to pause when he does. ]
"All right?"
[ Neither of them will push Mizuki, after all, the Other dropping a light kiss to Mizuki's ear after the question, but otherwise not touching beyond the pin. ]
[ Mizuki pulls his head back when he feels Othergato behind him. Hi, hello? He does take the chance to lean back into Othergato, seemingly fine with this. At first, he tries to gauge what's happening - is he jealous? Or does he just want attention? He smiles all the same when his ear is kissed.
He nods. Of course it's alright? Why would he not want the attention? Even despite his wariness, he'd be lying if he ever said he doesn't love... well, being loved. Physical affection is what invigorates him! Touch is his love language!
And both of them are going to be held with numerous tendrils of his. ]
[ Oh, no. One of the things they both agreed upon, if Mizuki was all right with it, was absolutely drowning their little jellyfish in adoration and love. And, honestly, Affogato wants to get far more used to romantically touching.
And since Mizuki's love language is touch....
The tendrils make them both smile, and though neither of them is too fond of the other touching their Mizuki, they will suffer each other to begin to drop kisses against Mizuki. Only Affogato goes for the shoulder though, greedily biting lightly against skin, while the Other nips teasingly at his ear. ]
[ Okay, maybe… he was right about being easily overwhelmed? At first, he didn't think much of it! He assumed that it'd be fine. He's more than enthused to get cuddles and kisses! He still is, even now, but it's also… with both of them, and his legs wrapped around Affogato…
He's real flustered right now.
He doesn't move to push either of them away, though. His hands clench a little against Affogato, but it reads less as discomfort and more as needy. He has roughly thirty stingers (some likely missing due to cooking with them), so it's not like he can't give the same amount of attention to each. And he does, with several wrapping around their waists and around their arms and necks and tracing little hearts against them when Affogato says he loves him. Mizuki loves him too. So, so, so much.
…
He even tilts his head a little when he gets a little closer to his neck. It's not as though Affogato would touch him there knowing full well how he is, but… ]
[ Yeah, though Mizuki may tilt his head, Affogato avoids the neck. Instead he tilts his mouth up to nibble along the curve of Mizuki's jaw, while the Other shifts his focus to the other shoulder. Both pointedly ignoring the throat, for now at least. Though they are both working on getting used to touch in spots that otherwise make them uncomfortable, there's no point in it right now.
The Other shifts his hands against Mizuki's back, fingers lightly trailing and tracing around stingers. Only Affogato remembers that Mizuki warned him about the sensitivity, so his gaze sharpens a little in a 'if you hurt him' manner. Plus he stills a little, waiting to see if Mizuki will give the indication he doesn't like it.
He has a knife, tucked into the sash of his waist, firm against his back, and though he knows Mizuki won't hesitate to kill the other - neither will he. ]
[ Though Mizuki doesn't have a voice, that doesn't mean noises are totally off the board for him. That is to say, the moment Othergato pushes his fingers into the sensitive nerves on his back is when Mizuki lets out a gasp. Not from pain, just surprised... and judging by the way his whole face heats up, it's likely any noise he'd make with his voice if he had it would've been debauched. His tendrils squeeze Othergato - not enough to hurt, just enough to get his attention. ]
S...ns...t...v... [ 'Sensitive'. He's not going to get too mad at him, he probably didn't know? But also, he'd pretty much only let his partners touch there - so Affogato, not Othergato! - and only when they were ready. He squirms, not wanting to totally bail on them, but he was already overwhelmed and flustered!!! Now it's just x2! ]
[ The moment Mizuki gasps - even though he's turning red that suggests something other than fear about it - Affogato's hand drops to the knife. Especially when Mizuki voices sensitive. Othergato oh's softly and promptly removes his fingers, pressing a soft apologetic kiss to Mizuki's shoulder. ]
"My apologies, my little love. I don't have that memory."
[ Hmmm.... Affogato's hand relaxes and comes back around to settle on Mizuki's hip, stroking his fingers gently there to calm him down. Yes, he's very fucking jealous. Hmph. Excuse him as he pulls Mizuki a little away from the Other, which makes him pout and glare in jealousy as well.
It's going to be nasty when they finally go at each other. ]
[ Mizuki lets out another little side, nodding a bit at his apology to say it was okay. It's a bit of a hassle to have a spot so sensitive on his back like that, but most people aren't able to get to it without getting through the mass of stingers first. It'd be like reaching through an actual sea jelly with stingers to get to the underside of the bell...
He didn't realize how tense he'd gotten until he relaxes again against Affogato. He just holds him tightly nuzzling into him. ]
[ At least the Other steps back and away, and it's a good thing he does, because had he remained in close the real Affogato would have stabbed him anyways. ]
"Please never apologize for being uncomfortable with something, love." You be quiet.
[ There's a little hiss in Affogato's voice as he snuggles his Mizuki in against him, a jealous snake rearing to strike. The Other hmphs hard and finally turns to leave in a very dramatic flounce, leaving the two alone. He has to plan, after all.
When he leaves, Affo settles Mizuki back down to reach up and cup his face, stroking his fingers along his cheeks. ]
[ Mizuki's stingers hold Othergato still, even as he leaves. They don't hold him there, though, and simply slide off as he goes, but there's a small tug of his hand, just to let him know Mizuki's not upset with him. It's alright, he didn't know. Mizuki doesn't blame him at all.
But he knows Affogato isn't as forgiving. He soundlessly laughs a bit, trying to get the edge taken off just a bit, especially as he's using a tentacle to bring his phone back over. ]
I'm fine. It didn't hurt. It was just surprising, that's all.
[ Affogato relaxes instantly, huffing softly like a ruffled cat whose finally beginning to settle again, then pecks off little kisses against Mizuki's mouth. Just soft, quick little touches. ]
Good. When I finally murder him, and you eat him, will you tell me what he tastes like? I've always be curious to see if I truly taste like an affogato or not. Especially now that I'm all meaty.
...Are you truly okay with doing that? I feel there's something a bit troubling with the way you say you'd kill him so casually. [ Like, yeah, Mizuki would be the same way, of course, but it's different. Mizuki has a weird sense of self due to We Many. ] That said, you know, your blood does taste a little sweeter than other people's!
[ Of course it's troubling, to look at himself and laugh and say how easy it would be to kill him. Whether that speaks to his own egotistical love of self (and thus no one else who claims to be him is good enough) or his own self-loathing remains to be seen.
He perks a little when Mizuki says he's sweeter. That pleases him and makes him smile again, a little sweet look. Only for his Mizuki. ]
Of course I do~ The only one sweeter than me is you.
hmmm... well, if you're okay with it, I suppose that I am too.
[ Mizuki still has worries, of course, but he isn't one to argue them. So, you know, for now he can just press a sweet kiss to his cheek with a gentle nuzzle that follows. Mizuki doesn't think he's all that sweet - in fact, he knows exactly what he tastes like! - but he likes the compliment all the same. ]
[ One day Mizuki will find a small elegantly wrapped box waiting for him, his name scrawled in Affogatos familiar hand on an attached slip of paper. Inside the box he will find a small stone pendant and a note. ]
"Dear Little Love,
Though it will never replace your voice, that of which I dearly miss, please allow me to attempt to make amends for being the reason it was ripped from you in the first place. And please accept my humblest apologies I have taken far too long to do so.
Though Ydaliar has stated it should transmit your thought with intent, I am unaware of how well it will do so, nor of which how easy it should be.
But I hope it helps, even just the smallest bit.
Forever adoringly yours, Affogato ♡"
Edited 2024-12-07 22:29 (UTC)
tal will have to deal w my lack of icons until I get paid-
No, not this time, probably. He does hold onto it as he reads the note, though, giving it a look over when he finishes it. Transmits his thoughts, huh? That seems... hm. Well, he doesn't really ever lie or hide things, so that's probably all fine, right? Does he have to activate it? Is there like a trigger thought to get it to work? What's the distance?
And, most importantly, did Affogato really think any of this was his fault?? Mizuki's just as much to blame - and Suri even more so... Huff. He should try to use it now, then, if just to let Affogato know he's being silly... but that he appreciates it, anyway.
[ Of course it was his fault and Affogato will not be dissuaded from the idea it is. He accepted Suri's demand. He killed Mizuki. Accident doesn't mean he didn't.
The "thought" entering his head is odd, because it rings in his ear like words should but with a strange lack of weight behind them. It makes him pause where he was grinding plants into a mortar, tilting his head before brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes.
Is that-? ]
Mizuki? Up here, little love~
[ He's up in his room, ingredients strewn out around the place as he makes incense and concoctions, testing various plants. The room smells of plant matter, perfume, and ash. Charcoal. Blood. And he cleans his hand off as he eagerly goes to the door. ]
[ Of course after the encounter with Cacao, Affogato goes straight back to the Therapy Building and finds Mizuki. Because he made a promise to Mizuki, to talk to him about this if it came up. He hates himself, he hates his Alternate self with his stupid memories that screwed his feelings over again, he hates that he can't just let go. That Cacao keeps pushing and pulling him.
He also made a promise that if Mizuki said no, then that is that, pure and simple. ]
Mizuki, darling~ Are you around? We need to speak.
[ Mizuki is... well, Mizuki is sleeping. He's been uncharacteristically tired lately, but maybe with all the Seaborn frozen under the river, he's just exhausted? Or... something?? Who knows! It's probably nothing to worry about.
He does pretty immediately wake up when he hears Affogato's voice. Despite the haze and grogginess of waking up, there's still a delight to hearing his beloved. A sleepy, yet cheerful "Affogato~!" will be heard in his head, and moments later he'll even pull himself from the bed-couch to embrace his love. ]
[ Oh, look at him. Oogh, he feels like he's ungrateful. He has someone so adorable and loving and perfect, how could he even considering wanting more? He wants to say nevermind, but instead he wraps his arms around Mizuki to lift him enough to crawl back into the bed-couch with him, dipping to kiss his face all over. To get comfortable with him, nuzzle in against his sweet face.
Ungrateful. Undeserving. ]
I'm sorry I woke you. I can wait until later if you desire more sleep. But I made a promise to you, and I intend to keep it, so we must speak in the future.
[ Mizuki frowns, just a bit. He feels a little guilty about this, if just because he feels responsible for not giving more of a warning. He had gotten that weird dream, after all, about that memory... He did bring it up at the town hall, but not putting anything up in preparations is his own fault.
He doesn't mention this, though. Rather, he just nods.
...
On Affogato's confession, Mizuki doesn't really seem like he's absorbing it. Not at first, anyway. He supposes, maybe, he's not surprised? Hurt. Hurt, for sure. Especially after confiding in him the relationship he's had with Dark Cacao makes Mizuki jealous, and the assurance that he "couldn't make Affogato happy". Mizuki doesn't look angry, truly, but he does bristle a bit, anyway.
Affogato won't hear anything for a moment, simply just taking this time to mull this over. When he finally speaks, he'll feel Mizuki's fingers hook into his clothes. ]
[ The soft clutch to his clothes makes him sigh, and he can feel the slight bristling. He shifts an arm to wrap it around Mizuki, tuck him in against him.
And pauses to his words, thinking that over.
Did he? Cacao is well aware of the line they drew between each other. Is well aware of his alternate selfs desires and the memories that he kept. And yet chose to step over the line, chose to push into Affogato's life again, dig his fingers into his desires and pull them up taut.
He sighs and rests his forehead on Mizuki's. But did he do something? He's only ever going to be truthful with Mizuki. ]
I truly do not know. On the beach as we watched over the eggs, I gained the memories of another version of myself. One where we had shared love together. I learned what it was like to have him, and upon returning to myself the memories lingered. I avoided him for as long as I could until he invited me to the Sunrise Ceremony, to sort my thoughts and feelings back out. It is something we do in our home for the New Years.
[ He moves his hands to find Mizuki's tendrils, taking hold of them so they curl around them. ]
He approached me at the end, said he desired me and has for some time and that's when I kissed him. But I don't know if I truly desire him in return or love him, or am simply swept up in the idea of it.
[ As much as Mizuki believes the jealousy lingers, now more than ever, it's mixed with a concern for Affogato that shows through more. Is he possessively clinging to Affogato, coiling his tentacles around his limbs the very second they're presented? Yes. Absolutely. But is he also looking at Affogato with a mix of worry and sadness? Also yes. Mizuki's had maybe two interactions with Dark Cacao and one of them Mizuki had been bristled like an angry cat the whole time, so he doesn't really have much of an opinion of him beyond the things he knows through Affogato...
[ To be fair to Mizuki, Affogato's opinions of Dark Cacao haven't been great until they started to cautiously approach friendship. And then the pushing and pulling started and Affogato truly feels like a mess. ]
I don't know.
[ His voice is soft and it feels like such a sidestepping answer, but it's the truth. He frowns and plays with Mizuki's tentacles, enjoying the tangle around his hands. ]
I truly do not know. You are the first one to have truly made me happy in my entire life. No one has made me so such as you. Yet even I can admit my... experiences until you have not been the best. I do not truly know what does or does not make me happy. Can he make me happy? I do not know.
[ He untangles one hand from Mizuki's tentacles to bring it up, slide his nails gently across Mizuki's cheek. And it's not a jab or anything, but genuine question. ]
[ Mizuki shifts himself to very gently press a kiss to Affogato's lips when he frowns, hating seeing him so upset. He can only imagine the thoughts he's having. Conflicted, for sure. His words convey that much. As much as it might hurt, working on his own jealous is something he's said he wants to do. So he's trying. He truly is. No matter how much right now he wants to chew on Affogato and leave him with a couple new holes... ]
"The same"... no. But I would not say it's any more or less, either. Just different. But he does make me happy, yes. I've never had a doubt about that. It's the reason we got together to begin with - he cares for me and my happiness above most things.
Much like with you, though. You care about my happiness. You were there for me when I got back from the Garden and made me feel loved even if you had accidentally caused me pain. And... um, I don't know how to word this a little more delicately, I'm sorry... but... can you say the same for Dark Cacao?
[ The kiss is returned just as gently, soft and sweet. There's no way he can't be with Mizuki. His little love makes him feel soft. And he listens, thoughtful, finger rubbing gently back and forth over his cheek. Equal, just different.
And he already knows Cacao can't care for him above all others, but can he care for him equally? He promised he can, otherwise he wouldn't have offered. Does he make him feel loved, even when he hurts? He can't hold the past against him. It was a dark time for them both. He sighs against Mizuki's mouth, rests their faces together. ]
Remember, there is no need to be 'delicate' with me, my little love. As for your question...
[ Quiet as he ponders. ]
I think I can, yes. But most importantly, I worry for you. Your mark is on my skin, and I do not want you to be hurt.
[ Can he give Mizuki the same amount of love he gives Cacao? ... Could he even possibly give Cacao the same amount of love he gives Mizuki, truthfully. ]
I just... from the things you've told me... even if it was for a greater reason, he still hurt you, right? More than that, you hurt the people he cared about, too, right? [ Maybe not physically (or, from Mizuki's perspective), but still... ] I'm just worried about how he'll treat you.
... [ He curls a bit and presses his head into Affogato's chest instead. ]
And... I would be lying if I said I wasn't also insanely jealous about the thought of you both being together. It's not a competition and I know you love me and you've done so much to prove that, but there's still this voice in the back of my head that says you both have more history and what if you realize I'm not good enough or what if I'm not giving you enough love and aren't you supposed to be mine and...
I know I said I'd work on it, but it's still so hard to silence those thoughts.
[ Yet Affogato thinks of Cacao planting himself as the Therapy Office to protect him in case anyone wanted vengeance for Mizuki. Of protecting him on the beach. Of his forgiveness for hurting Pure Vanilla and the others.
He wraps his arms tighter as Mizuki curls up, tucking him in and under the blankets a bit more. His heart aches and he softly drops kisses onto his head. ]
And I admit, I would be insanely jealous if Elsword returned, and desired you in his arms once again. I would worry and wonder the same.
[ He would want to bite and claw, and scream and wail. But - did he not just tell Cacao that Suri's behavior between Beiwe and Ourania was obsession then, and not love? He reaches up to tangle his hands into Mizuki's hair. ]
Yet, despite it, I know I could never deny you that love. If that is what you truly wanted, both of us, I would understand. Your teeth are under my skin, your breathing fills my lungs, how could I not know you love me?
[ He gently tugs to tilt his head up, his expression soft. ]
But I will not ask you to do the same. If you wish me all to yourself, then you have me all to yourself. You only need to say it.
[ For a while, there’s silence. Well, aside from the ruffling of clothes and sound of sticky tentacles trying to find more to hold onto. The follower part of Mizuki wants to ask for help. To ask what he’s supposed to say or do in this situation. He’s not good at making decisions. That’s not what he does. Especially something like this, when everything in his head is desperate to make him say “no”.
But it isn’t fair, is it? To expect something like that of Affogato and to receive the opposite treatment. He could never. After all, Affogato does deserve all the love. He’s just… he’s just……… ]
I’m scared. I’m scared you’ll go home with him after all of this, and I’ll be here without you.
[ He knows Elsword is going home. And he knows… realistically, if Affogato wanted, it isn’t like he could stop him from going home, either. He knows they’ve got lives back home and that they weren’t meant to be here at the Grove like this and meant to live their own lives and such, but… it’s hard to think eventually he has to let go. He doesn’t want to. He’s incredibly clingy. ]
[ Well that's an easy thing to answer as he presses his mouth to Mizuki's forehead in a soft little kiss. He can allay this fear. ]
I am never leaving here, unless it is to go with you to your home.
[ He gently strokes his thumbs down Mizuki's face to his chin, tilting his head back with them so he can kiss him soft and sweet. ]
I vowed that to you, and I will not break that. If you remain here, I will remain. If you return to your home, I shall follow. There is nothing for me back at my home, but everything for me here.
[ Even if Cacao goes, the rest of the world is against him. He would be seen as a deserter by the Cacao Kingdom - even with a pardon - and seen as a deserter by Dark Enchantresses group. No. He will stay wrapped around Mizuki, able to kiss him every day for the rest of their lives. Or, his own. ]
[ And, finally, Mizuki relaxes. Just a little. He still seems a bit uncertain, and still has that itch in the back of his head to give into those possessive impulses, but... there's at least less tension. He's silent for a moment as he tries to find words that aren't anywhere between childish tantrum and eldritch obsession. It's a lot harder than for him than it sounds. He's more than happy to let a few more kisses fill the silence in the meantime. ]
I... I want you to be happy. [ Why did it have to be Dark Cacao, though!! ] I don't think I'll be... not jealous. But... if you're okay to be lenient with me about that... I can work on it, I think.
I love you so much, you know? I'll always be yours.
I will always be patient with you, as you are always with me.
[ He smiles and rests their foreheads together to nuzzle their noses gently, kisses him again but with a little more bite to it. A little more possessiveness. ]
As I love you, and will always be yours.
[ He pulls back just enough to reach up and move his hair aside, move the collar of his clothes down. Bare the spot between neck and shoulder where Mizuki's teeth have left their scars. ]
[ Mizuki closes his eyes for just a moment, letting himself settle in Affogato's affection. He knows that, no matter what, he'll always love Mizuki. And vice versa, of course. So, everything should be alright in the end. So long as they keep being open with one another - and Affogato has been incredibly open with him.
And there's also the many holes he continues to leave in Affogato that make him so happy to see every time. ]
I would never make you beg. Especially not with something like this.
[ He's more than happy to. In fact, he'd been holding himself back from doing so, thus the invitation is essentially freeing Mizuki's chains. He wastes absolutely no time to move his lips down to Affogato's shoulders, and with one sweet kiss against his skin, he chases it with a sharp bite, those razors he calls teeth burying into him for the umpteenth time.
All the while, Mizuki's tendrils anchor themselves to Affogato's limbs, tracing little hearts against him, as he usually does. ]
[ It's most definitely not a pained noise, as Mizuki sinks his teeth in. It's stopped being painful to him a while ago. Instead it's almost pleasurable now, the burn and sink of those sharp little teeth, marking up his usually so-well-kept skin all over again.
And then he laughs, a little breathless. ]
Always my eager little love~
[ He wants to dig his nails into Mizuki and carve him up with love, reaching down instead to the lower part of his back, digging his fingers into the stingers. Nails scratch just a little as his voice drops into a low murmur. ]
My Mizuki. As I am your Affogato.
[ Other's may share in them, Mizuki can love Elsword and visa versa, but he's his anyways. His his his. ]
[ The desperate clinging doesn’t stop after Mizuki’s teeth sink in. The opposite, really, because it just gets worse. He doesn’t really squeeze, but his tendrils and arms get so tangled with Affogato that it’s going to be a chore to get up again.
There is a returned tension when Affogato’s hands reach lower on his back. He doesn’t mind, of course, since it’s his love, but… ]
Careful. Sensitive… [ How useful it is to be able to “speak” to Affogato without pulling away. Still, though, had he forgotten?? ]
I love you, too, my Affogato. I hope you never forget.
[ His voice is soft. Oh no, he hasn't forgotten. He wants to remind Mizuki, as thoroughly as those teeth in his shoulder are reminding him, how desperately he's loved. Wanted. Needed. How Affogato wants to wear him, take him into himself, make him the heart that beats in his chest, and then shove himself into Mizuki's in turn. ]
Do you want my fingers away?
[ Consent, always. The affirmation of love in his head makes him hum soft and sweet in Mizuki's ear, his fingers curling gently. ]
I will never forget. You are seared into my very self. I am who I am today because of you, after all.
[ Mizuki pulls his lips away from Affogato's skin with a gentle kiss against skin that isn't quite as freshly wounded, then licks away the blood from his lips so he can gently press his forehead to Affogato's. ]
You can keep them there. [ He just doesn't want to get too riled is all. No matter how much he loves Affogato and considers himself to be all of his, there's boundaries that Mizuki is aware of. ]
Ah, I didn't have anything to do with your change, Affogato... You've always been so kind and caring toward me. I didn't make you that way or anything.
[ And those boundaries Affogato is giving permission to cross, with his fingers deliberately digging into the stingers, his thumbs rubbing lightly around the base. And he snorts softly, as elegantly as one can do a snort, his expression crinkling into an amused look as he plants little kisses against one cheek, then the other. ]
Wrong. Without you, I would not be here. I would not truly know what love is, what it felt like. I would not be repentant over my past mistakes, I would not be trying to better myself.
[ He moves his hands from the stingers to bring them up to cup Mizuki's face, fingers sliding along his jaw as his thumbs rub his cheeks, his voice dropping. ]
Because you make me want to be a better person, my little love.
[ ohh, his love is so cute. That snort, his expression, the almost playful away he teases Mizuki’s tendrils — Mizuki is incredibly smitten. He bites back a little hum at the feeling. ]
I feel you’re still giving me too much credit. You’ve always been wonderful — if I were eloquent at all with words, I’m sure I could write a novel about all the things there is to love about you.
But… I’m so happy with you. I always have been, but… it’s different. Before, I just thought myself as your follower, and I wasn’t unhappy or anything, but I don’t think that’s what I really wanted?
Maybe I’m not making sense. [ He reaches his own hands to settle over Affogato’s when they’re on his cheeks, with Mizuki’s tendrils practically squishing the two of them together. ] It’s now more I want to be with you forever. If I could stitch our hearts together so we’d always be together, or if I made a home inside your chest~.
And… I’d never give you enough food to make you Seaborn or anything, but it makes me real happy when you eat my meals. Like I’ll always be with you.
[ Oh his little love says the sweetest things, letting himself be squished in as he drags his gifted snake-like dragon tail up in turn. Begins to slowly wrap it around Mizuki, coils twisting in slow loops. Not tight enough to hurt, but definitely tight enough to squeeze gently. ]
My sweet little Mizuki~ With every bite you give me, you sink deeper into me, and [ A little chuckle] with every bit.
[ He drops his voice and pushes their faces together, lips brushing as he speaks, voice lowering to a whisper so it's only for Mizuki's ears. Like Rolipo or Sharkitty might hear them or something. ]
I will eat everything you give me, because you become me and I become you. Soon our hearts will be stitched as once. No one will know where you or I begin. You will be in my skin, my bones, the lungs I drag air with and the heart that brings me life.
[ He drags his nails lightly over Mizuki's cheek, a soft tender stroke to go with his words. ]
[ There’s a very sweet and gentle laugh — silent, of course, as all Mizuki’s sounds are, but the motion and the broken breaths make the intent clear. He moves one hand to hold Affogato’s own there against his cheek, nuzzling against it and even pressing a small kiss into his palm. ]
Forever, my Affogato.
[ A few stingers wrap around Affogato’s new tail, tracing the scales and delicately tangling with it. ]
You always look so lovely, but I think this suits you best. Stuck with me, with that pretty, pretty fresh mark. I do request… if it’s okay… could you not let Dark Cacao put any on you?
[ Oh, he likes that. His tail curls a little to the touch, enjoying the stroking feeling as it's wrapped up in stingers. The request makes him smile and he bites a little mark against Mizuki's bottom lip. ]
You needn't worry, I have no plans on letting him mark me anywhere. Only you are allowed to dig your teeth in and claim me like that. Only your nails are allowed to scratch me. Only you can make me bleed.
[ He sighs softly and rubs their noses together, a gentleness to counter the roughness of the bite. Then he shifts to wrap his arms around him again and pull Mizuki in tight, flopping them into the bed to snuggle him. ]
Only you, my Mizuki~
March // ain runs into the therapy office vibrating at the speed of sound
[Dragging himself to the therapy building... he needs therapy. Yeah. Therapy will help him. (Hi Elsword, hi Affo he's waving.)]
Mr. Jellyfish... [Throwing himself down onto the chaise lounge.] I need... relationship advice? I think romantic, but maybe not? You'll have to tell me, haha...
[Undoubtedly he's already gone to Wolfwood and Ezell about this though, results on those threads TBD but he's here because Mizuki is always practical and smart. Mizuki will know what to do.]
What's it mean when someone you've known for three years starts touching you everywhere and calls you beautiful and cute?
[ The jellyfish is absolutely going to take his seat next to Ain, flopping his head against him since he seems a bit... lost? Mizuki claims to not be a smart man, but he can put two and two together pretty easily. He's met this Add, and Ain said "three years", so... ]
[ He was a tree. Treezuki. Don't worry, he's better now. Though, he's got those moony-eyes now. ]
He sure doesn't change much, huh...? Hehe. Okay. I'm going to need you to walk me through this a little more, Ain. What did he tell you specifically? What was he doing? What was the context? What did you ask or say??
[Ain has noticed, but he hasn't sensed anything wrong with Mizuki, so it should be fine...? He thinks. Anyway, casually sets this thread to be after the screaming match they had too for spice—]
Um. He showed up and got bitten by a snake. I healed him, but it's not like I can remove the delirium from the poison, so I took him back to where I live to monitor his condition. ...well, he never lets me hug him, so while he was sick I laid on him and we talked about stuff. He knows I died once, but I didn't tell him about the other time. Uh... oh, he knows we all tried to fight the Forest and how that went, and kept accusing everyone of letting me die. I tried to explain that that's not what happened...
[Pets Mizuki... starts idly braiding some of Mizuki's longer hair because he needs to fidget or he Will blow up.]
Haha, but Mr. Ancient doesn't normally listen, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
Anyway, I laid on him and told him that if he went and got himself killed, I'd cry. You know, as a threat to deter him, because he clams up if people cry in front of him. And then he kept touching my face and telling me I was "more beautiful" when I wasn't crying. And then he called me cute a few minutes after. And then he fell asleep! And I also fell asleep. And we stayed like that until the next morning when he was feeling better, but he sneaked off and left me to sleep on the couch with his coat and a bunch of pillows.
[ Mizuki will continue to lie on Ain, and he just listens, and absorbs this information. Most of it he isn't entirely surprised to hear about Add. His touch aversion, the fact that he gets so stuck in his own head he doesn't change his mind, and... well, and just denying his own feelings overall, it seems like. Though Ain hasn't talked about Add denying it any, Mizuki can honestly just assume he did.
He doesn't say that, of course. After all, this Add's different from Doctor Add. He knows this. ]
Alright, I understand. But how did that make you feel?
Lots of different emotions...? I'm happy he's here, but I'm also devastated because he's not safe here. We weren't safe on Elrios, but I feel like we could handle that. I really, really don't want him to die, and I really don't want him to die and never come back like some people have.
[Sigh.]
I really liked us snuggling. And it was... nicer than our usual interactions, haha. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like what he said. I'm a little sad he got up without me and left me there, but it was sweet of him not to wake me up and leave his coat there...? I think?
[Unfurls the mental scroll, starts on line 1, item A. Let's see...]
That I think he's an idiot. That I'm still mad at him for the time he did surgery in the bathtub to give himself that Nasod armour and nearly bled out because he's too stupid to think for five seconds. That I like the way we tease each other, but I want to put his head through the wall sometimes, haha. That... I hope he makes friends here, and I hope he doesn't feel too lonely. Um...
...I kind of love him maybe, I will kick his ass if he dies on me or does anything stupid, I wish he'd move in with me, and I wish he'd loosen up a little sometimes. ...most of the time. Haha.
[Okay take TWO, Sesa is going to come visit the Therapy Building...fully expecting to actually find Mizuki here this time, not missing and strapped to a giant tree. Instead, he expects to find him on the couch playing videogames, or maybe in a session with someone (prompting him to wait politely until it's done). Either way, he'll come up to Mizuki whenever he finds him, his tail swishing happily behind him as he hands him a small box.]
Happy Birthday, Mizuki. May your star never cease to shine as brightly as the sun. I imagine you have many plans for today, but I'm free to play anything you would like later, if you want!
[Inside the box, Mizuki will find...another box!! Two of them, actually. The first, leftmost box is a little bento box that Sesa put together himself. It has all of the ingredients of any good bento. Rice, veggies, rolled egg, little sausages cut to look like octopus...some of it's burnt, but given Sesa made it himself, that's to be expected. Next to the box is a smaller box, but this one is actually wrapped like a proper present with cute paper and a bow. And inside...
Nestled on a soft bit of paper is a little piece of glass fashioned to look like a sea jelly. It's affixed to a metal chain, fashioned to be worn or kept as a charm. There are also little shells and glittery bits from the river embedded in the glass to add variety in color and texture.]
Sesa is getting a big ol' hug from Mizuki the second he wishes him a happy birthday. The little sea jelly is practically hopping in place with the sweetest smile. He hasn't even opened the boxes yet, he's just so excited Sesa's here.
And when he does?? Sesa is getting at least two more hugs, and being lifted off the ground for a little twirl. ]
Sesa laughs aloud as Mizuki hugs him, jumps around, then hugs him AGAIN, this time enough to lift him right off the floor. He’ll hug him back, of course, though somehow he doubts his own hugs will ever be as strong as Mizuki’s noodles.]
I’m going to take that as a “way to go, Sesa, you’ve done it again! You’re so brilliant and cool!”
drags this out of npc contact so the mod inbox doesn't explode
Smart of you to carry an antidote— [but also ow, and he's out of breath] —if you could do me a favour and not cart me off to the resident Gargoyle quite yet, I'd appreciate it.
That's not a good idea, Mister Thorns. You shouldn't keep this on you. You'll end up hurting people you care about involuntarily - and if you let it get too bad, Zahliya won't be able to get rid of it in one go. He'll have to take it in sessions... and that's not good.
I'll respect your wishes, but at least stick with me. I can keep it from progressing.
I have... [and he tries to sit up, but ough antidote not kicking in fast enough, so nevermind,] ...experiments to run. I've been seeking information on the effects for that reason.
You won't be, but it's good that you're optimistic!
Again, let me stay with you while you do, so it doesn't progress any further. Also, try not to move too much. I'm going to heal what I can on you, okay?
[ He only knows a little bit of healing magic, but he's going to use what little he knows to at least make Thorns somewhat stable. ]
Mister Thorns, I... I'm not too sure how to tell you this? But I'm sure you've probably noticed how nethersea brand doesn't bother you, or how sometimes you can hear the thoughts of the Firstborn?
[ This gets a very deep frown from Mizuki. He hasn't spoken to Thorns much back home, after all, so... ]
Bishop Aulus...? [ He's never met him, but the vitriol that came out of Cicero about him was enough to make him wary. ] ...I think he'd done quite a bit to hide things from you, in that case. About what he'd done and such.
No. I only know of him from Cicero. He'd told me to steer clear of him, and didn't seem to like him very much. I'm from a different branch of the church...
[Thorns sits up on his elbows and spits on the ground near where his head just was. Disgusting.]
I wouldn't say I was willing to be part of it at all — but you know how they operate. Sure, Aulus' efforts did prevent me from starving to death as a child in the streets, but he unwittingly has attempted to make me his successor in all but name...
[Perhaps not as a priest, but. It doesn't fill Thorns with nice thoughts, relatedly.]
...but we can touch upon that later. Tell me honestly what you think he's done. Give me more reasons to slit his throat.
[After the blow up with Ain, the rest of the meeting goes by in a blur. Eventually it's over, and Ain and Ezell never return. Everyone goes their separate ways into the streets of Neo Eden.
And Add... wanders. He doesn't want to be anywhere right now. He doesn't want to go anywhere someone might find him and tell him he fucked up again. Any further reminders of it would be unnecessary.
Maybe it's subconscious, or Dynamo's worry leading him, or just pure chance—whatever the reason for it, he finds himself passing a familiar food truck, a small crowd of holograms still bustling pointlessly nearby. He slows to a stop, staring at it.
...
He hasn't had anything since this morning, so... maybe he'll feel better if he eats something.
Add shuffles awkwardly to the counter, hesitant to make any kind of eye contact with the seaborn on the other side. His tone lacks its usual bite.]
[ Fortunately, Mizuki is more than happy to serve Add without too many questions (for now). It's hard not to be aware of the Everything That Happened(tm), but at the very least Mizuki could get him food before accosting him with questions. He doesn't have to wait very long, either, since y'know... real people take precedent over the holograms.
Unfortunately, however, Mizuki's food always looks... strange and unappetizing. Thus, when Add is happily passed some seafood kebabs, it might look like a bad idea to eat it. But Mizuki is beaming at him anyway, like he won't regret it! And, realistically, if he does brave tasting it, he'll find the food is strangely very good. ]
Hello, Mister Add! S'on the house, you don't gotta pay. It'll lift your mood a little, too. Though, if you really want help with that, I'm more than happy to take a break and listen to you.
[Up until he showed up in the Grove he'd been eating nothing but demon food for months, so honestly, it's a weird sort of comforting to have something alien and horrifying presented to him. He nibbles away at it, keeping his mouth busy while he thinks.
It is pretty good.
...]
Am I just... bad for him? Was he better off when I wasn't here?
[Looking at how upset he's made Ain, it sure feels like it.]
[ Hooookay! Mizuki turns around and hangs his apron up and turns his stations off, setting a little "On Break!" sign on the counter as he goes to hop out the back of the truck. Ideally, they would have this conversation in his office back at the Grove, with the green plants and the sound of windchimes and the small water fountain he had set up, and not the sounds of BEEP BEEP HONK VROOM in the background, but he'll have to make do with what he has.
He steps over to Add and gently coaxes him to sit over at one of the nearby empty benches. ]
Why do you think you feel that way? Aside from your surroundings as I know that was outside of your control, do you think you changed at all from before?
[Add quietly goes along with wherever Mizuki wants to take him. He's still chewing on his kebab, which is helping him, just maybe not as much as actual therapy would. But we're getting there.
He sits down without complaint, letting out a heavy sigh.]
He's the one that changed. He looks different, he has more hobbies, he's so much closer to everyone here, and I... hah. [his shoulders slump] I'm stuck in the past. No wonder I'm such a disappointment to him.
Same old Add, always causing problems, picking fights he can't win... who'd want to be around someone like that?
[ Well, from what little he was able to put together from the town hall fighting, he knows a bit about Ain's perspective. So, uh, yeah that's not flying with him. He shakes his head a little. ]
Do you understand why he's upset with you? [ Because it isn't like Ain wasn't upset with Wolfwood, either! ] Because, obviously I cannot disclose the things he's talked with me about, that is not my place. But I can at least tell you that this sounds like you're projecting a poor image of yourself you think Ain has of you, instead of accepting the actual one he has of you. Saying things like "who'd want to do that" or "I'm such a disappointment", when that isn't fair to Ain.
He said it himself, didn't he? He thinks I'm supposed to be this... this great person, and all I do is fuck everything up!
Whoever he thinks I'm supposed to be, I'm not. I am a disappointment.
[He balls his hands into tight, shaky fists. If he was a better person, he wouldn't feel so inadequate that he has to claw the competition down to his level. It's pathetic. All this does is hurt Ain, but if he can't compete at all...]
He deserves better than that. He has better than that. If he'd just realize it already... he doesn't need me around anymore, he never did.
Hm, I don't believe you "being a disappointment" is why he's upset with you. Furthermore, do you think he wants you to think about yourself like that? Do you sincerely believe that Ain thinks that about you? People can get frustrated and arguments happen, that'll be a part of any relationship - platonic or not. But that doesn't define your worth or ability to be in a relationship.
You’re here because you care about him, and that says a lot about who you are, you know.
... well. He didn't dwell on those gay theatre thoughts the other day for nothing. Add frowns, staring down at his half-eaten kebab for a long moment.]
I...
I want him to rely on me. I want to understand him better than anyone else. Then, if he looks at me that way...
[He'd have earned it. He'd be worthy of the attention.
He just wants to feel like he belongs here, basking in Ain's glow.]
[ He wouldn't say this if Ain hasn't been wholesale flirting with Add on the notebook, of course. But he also knows of Ain's feelings on the matter, even if he won't go into detail. Not the be the guy who's like "just kiss already", buuuuuut... ]
But it's also unfair to add in that "better than anyone else" to him, when he is committed to other people as well, y'know? Don't get me wrong, I understand. I'm an insanely jealous person, too. But trying to be better than his partners or get him to see only you will only lead to more fights and arguments down the line, as well as that sort of... umm... love-hungry anger in your stomach, I guess.
...
Maybe that's just me, now that I think about it. Anyway, my point being that... just because he loves others, does not mean he doesn't love you. Love is not this dividable thing - only his time is.
[Yeah... in a weird way, the fact that Ain has been publicly flirting with him for weeks ontop of all the public outbursts kinda makes this easier to talk about, like maybe it doesn't feel like pouring his heart out if everyone already about knows the relationship drama? But that's beside the point here.
Ezell said something similar, last time. Ain does not give pieces of his heart to his friends and partners—he gives everything.
It's a hard thing for him to grasp, since he's never really... had this kind of thing before. But the other point is a lot more straightforward. Trying to outdo everyone else will only cause more arguments... yeah, no shit.]
... I dunno. [He can't help but feel lame, giving a half-assed answer after Mizuki laid everything out like that. But even if Mizuki is right about everything,] I can't help how I feel about it. That guy, he's just so... so effortless. Like he's rubbing it in my face all the time. It pisses me off. [can't he at least be better than ONE boyfriend?]
I mean no offense when I say this, Add, but I do think it needs to be addressed - even when you do get compliments and such, you seem to brush them off or deny them. [ Granted, he's only seen that like twice, but it's just adding to the many symptoms of Imposter Syndrome that Add has. Mizuki knows enough about that to pin Add with it. He won't say this out loud, of course! He's always wary of doing so, considering he isn't a real psychologist or anything like that. ]
Changing your feelings is never easy. But, ideally, you can be open with him so the both of you can try to figure it out together, instead of just upsetting you both in the end. Jealousy is especially nasty. Makes you wanna cling to them forever and not let go, so they only look at you and think the world of you, to crawl under their skin so you can stay with them forever, or have a perfect catalogue of their interests and mimicking them so they pay attention to you and only you. I get it. [ Mizuki's nodding, like this is all totally normal shit to say. ] But I don't think he's trying to "rub it in your face" or anything. He isn't the type.
That's... [He immediately want to deny it, but... it's different when the compliments aren't true, right? Anyone can just say things, it doesn't mean they're correct. But instead he lets Mizuki keep going with his parade of red flags. Yeah, this is all totally normal shit to say for sure.]
... tch, that just means I'm the only asshole here. Like that's any better.
[He bites off a big chunk of Probably Seaborn Kebab so he can think on it without speaking for a bit. Would talking to him really make any of this easier...? That doesn't sound right at all, but... it's not like Add would know.
...]
Guess it can't get any worse than this. [unless i kill all three of them with a knife right now 🔪]
[ There's no "Probably" Seaborn, it's definitely Seaborn. But it's juuuuust under the amount Add needs to eat to become Seaborn, because Mizuki would never do that without consent! Everyone thank Mizuki for the bare minimum- ]
I didn't say that. I do not think you're totally in the wrong, either. You and Wolfwood both have very combative personalities, I've noticed. They just don't mesh well together. There's more to it than that, of course, but I think that saying you're "the only asshole" is going back to that whole "projecting negative things" on yourself. Don't do that, Mister Add. You're a very kind person, I can tell. Like I said, you're talking about this and attempting to find a solution because you care so much about Ain. That's very admirable. If I were in your shoes, I would've just eaten him~.
[ Mizuki will get up from his spot on the bench for just a moment so he can step over to the truck, then brings two water bottles back over - one for Add and one for himself. He offers it out as he takes a seat again. ]
If you do truly want this to get better, though, that will require you to be a little more open with Ain. Do you think that's something you can do, or would you like me to help you write a letter, or... what do you think would be most comfortable for you?
[He's quietly soaking in all of these supportive words, nibbling on the rest of his kebab until Mizuki says something completely out of left field. But then he's already up and walking away before Add can ask and... uhhh. Hmm. He must've just... misheard, or...
It's probably nothing.
He holds the bottled water in his hands, staring at it intensely like it might hold all the answers.]
... doubt he'd accept a letter, or someone else saying it. This is... something I have to do myself.
[But after talking it out with Mizuki... he does feel a bit more confident in himself. There's at least one person here besides Ain who might believe in him, maybe.]
[ Yeah, misheard! Definitely! Sorry, Add, but the more you hang around the cannibal, the more you're gonna hear weird shit out of him. ]
Well, in that case, if you want to plan something out before hand, I'll listen to that, too. But just try not to do it while the emotions are still high, okay? With everything that happened, I'm worried about you, Mister Add. I think that if you try to fix things now when you're upset, it'd be a bit like throwing yourself into a wall... You should take some time - maybe just a night - to yourself, and come at it again with a rested mind.
[It's easier to say "let's tackle this again tomorrow" than "let's do this right now", anyway. This has already been a lot of emotional vulnerability for one day... no way is he talking to anyone else like this for the rest of the night. Not even Wolfwood several hours from now.
He glances over at Mizuki again, and... this would be the part where a normal person might say thanks, since he just spent a good amount of time giving Add free therapy on his break. But Add is a weenie and a freak, so he scoffs instead.]
Guess this kind of thing isn't a total waste of time after all. [Dynamo beeps in a thank you!! kind of way tho, Dynamo appreciates Mizuki.]
[ Mizuki isn't sure how Dynamo works for this Add, so he isn't sure if he can just tell Add "you're welcome" and have it delivered to him, so Mizuki gives a little sign with his hands towards them. "It's my pleasure, Dynamo", though his sign for "Dynamo" roughly translates to "small friends". ]
And thank you, Mister Add. It means the world to me that you'd want to talk to me.
Also. Is it alright if I pet Dynamo?? [ He's already picking up his hand, but isn't reaching just yet. ]
[ The jittering makes him get that big doofy grin again. ] Oh! So they can hear me through you! Hello, Dynamo!
[ Anyway, the hand is reaching out to pet the little nasods. This Add is not "his", and these Dynamo are not, either, but that isn't going to stop him from loving them any less??? They're still friends. He doesn't even pull away when the static connects, simply just taking that as part of the process. It's different, but he's a sea jelly, so it's not like he's too fussed about it. ]
It's nice to meet you. You're very cute! Lookin' "sharp", hehe...
Of course they can. Everything I hear, Dynamo hears. [That much is a constant even if they look completely different.
He's getting LOTS of little static shocks, yeah, this is how these dynamos show affection. They hold still for the first few seconds, but it's not long before they're huddling around Mizuki and vying for attention. Please ensure that all pets are evenly distributed across the collective, thank you!!
And Add says nothing, but... it is kind of nice, getting all this positive feedback by proxy... one of the dynamos will even circle back to Add to gently rest on his shoulder, like a firm but supportive hand. Hrmmm.]
[ If Mizuki were a Perro, his tail would be wagging like crazy right now. He's so delighted. And, of course, each Dynamo will get pet. He'll even let a few of his tentacles pat pat the ones his hands are not currently on. Little pats only, however, as he doesn't want to accidentally get jellyslime on them.
Mizuki cannot truly laugh, but there are little huffs of air that come out of him anyway, as if he's trying. He should probably get a brush after this. His hair sticking up just looks silly - he can't pull it off like Add can. ]
You all are doing a good job taking care of Add! Keep it up, okay? And if you ever need another pat, I'll be here!
[If the shocks start getting a little uncomfortably strong that just means they like him. Dynamo doesn't get much physical attention from anyone but Add, so they feel very appreciated right now. They chirp out another friendly string of beeps like yeah, they always try to do their best! They're very good at taking care of their human!!
Despite his best efforts not to make this weird, Add utters a soft sigh, looking far better than he has been for the past few hours.
If he closes his eyes it's basically the same as getting a hug, so that's his physical contact quota taken care of for the month he's good now please do not bring this up ever again.]
[ Unfortunately, the affection will have to end when the shocks get to be Too Much. He is not totally immune, after all, and pain isn't exactly up his alley. He is happy that Add seems more like himself than he had when he first came up to the truck. Does that mean the therapy is working?? Is he a good therapist~? ✨✨✨✨
Ehem.
Mizuki tilts his head from side to side enthusiastically. ] If you'd like some more food, I'd be happy to send you home with some. Did you like it, by the way? Would you like me to walk with you back home? I don't mind.
[Dynamo is only a little disappointed the pets have to end, because now they get to press up against Add's sides again and make sure he gets some reassuring electrical shocks.
Add looks at him, his expression a half-hearted frown. He seems to debate giving a bullshit answer, but]
I can walk myself home... the food was pretty good, though. Wouldn't mind some take out if it's not a big deal.
What's in it, anyway? It's got a unique taste, whatever it is. If it's exclusive to the city I'll be pissed.
[Add is going to get up and follow him anyway, so the distance isn't a problem. He's tossing out the trash from his fully-consumed kebab when he looks up, confused.]
What was that fifth item? [his... tentacles?????]
... Oh. You mean, like, the slime that comes off it, right? If you cook with your hands you'll get sweat and dead skin on the parts you touch, but it's not enough to be noticeable when it comes to humans...
[ An interesting theory, but Mizuki isn’t sure he understands the thought behind putting it in his ingredient list if it’s not a proper ingredient. He shakes his head, though, removing his break sign and putting a cutting board on the counter along with a chef’s knife. He’s done this many times before, and admittedly there are a lot of people weirded out by it. He doesn’t understand that mindset, though. It’s good food, people enjoyed it, so why get grossed out?
But, to demonstrate, he puts one of his goopy, black tendrils on the cutting board, with a color that’s more akin to car oil, and a faint shimmering that almost looked like stars. It’d be pretty if there wasn’t something inherently unsettling about it. It’s only a second later that he brings the knife down and severs it without even flinching. He holds it up afterwards. ]
Well… it is for me? But I’ve had people say it’s weird in the past so I guess it depends on the person? Unless you mean the cutting part, then yeah, that’s normal. It’s the easiest way to extract sea jelly venom, ‘cause it just grows back in a week or so.
[ He is casually putting it on a skillet to cook as he “talks”. ]
[He's watching Mizuki work as he explains this. So... it's normal to him, and it grows back. So that part's fine. He's remembering now that Mizuki also doesn't have bones, either. There is an urge to put this sea jelly under a microscope.]
... but you don't cook the venom with it, right? [he would hope that if "people say it’s weird" that one of those people would tell him not to poison the food]
Mizuki gives another soundless laugh, but shakes his head. ]
Not usually!! But even the few times I had accidentally, it wasn’t a big deal. Cooking it in oils hot enough will break the proteins down and effectively make it harmless. And even then, if you ate it raw, it’s venom, not poison. It would have to get into your bloodstream to cause problems. So, like if you had a stomach ulcer or lost a tooth or something, maybe then, but…
Ahh, I just mean to say overall, it’s really safe. My venom isn’t lethal, anyway, and I have antidotes with me. Doctor Add made them for me, actually.
[Well, the science checks out. If Mizuki says it's normal, and it doesn't hurt him, and the venom is broken down in the cooking process anyway... he's just going to nod in agreement like there's nothing weird about this at all. Yeah.
...
Okay, no, it's definitely still the weirdest thing he's ever eaten. The eyeball lemons aren't real eyeballs, and demons eat some pretty weird stuff for human standards, but he hasn't met any that eat parts of their own bodies... maybe it's like how crabs will eat their own shells after molting? Or lizards that drop their tails to escape predators, they can also eat their own tails sometimes.]
[ Mizuki looks down at the noodle, then slices a piece off to casually shove in his own mouth, as if somehow that’ll have the answers. He chews thoughtfully and even though he doesn’t need his mouth to eat, he doesn’t reply until he’s done, anyway. ]
Probably?
[ Insightful, Mizuki. ]
It’s more that it helps to preserve the vitality of the rest of the food. Like even though this world doesn’t have fresh plants or stuff, it helps the lemongrass and lime juice taste as if your holding their very essence of life in your mouth.
[I mean according to the crab and lizard theory Mizuki eating his own tentacles is the most normal thing here, so he doesn't bat an eye at that. Continuing to analyze this in a scientific manner...]
I guess, if you want something fresh... it doesn't get much fresher than that?
[ Mizuki grabs a couple of skewers to start putting together the meal for him and putting it in a convenient little to-go box that he slides across the counter. ]
I've been told my methods makes the presentation a little weird, but unfortunately that is the price to pay to preserve the vitality of the meal.
[His expression softens a little, staring off at nothing as he considers the question seriously. Is he going to be alright?
The situation is still unchanged, but... it's not as insurmountable as it seemed before. There's a method to approaching this, and perhaps even repairing it in full. He just has to... communicate, and show some honesty. And he already did some of that tonight, didn't he?]
... Yeah. I'll be fine. [For tonight, he'll just try to relax. He'll even set up Dynamo to screen his calls, so he won't have to worry about being bothered...]
[Wolfwood feels weird and sad and he doesn't like it.
He's due for his weekly therapy session and he's come to the realization he's probably going to have to talk about this weird, sad feeling, and he likes that even LESS. Part of him kindof wants to maybe just skip it, but he hasn't skipped a week since Neo Eden (and that wasn't exactly their fault they kindof got sucked away from the Grove and also he was in prison for a bit), so he knows Mizuki would probably come looking for him. Squirt has a knack for Finding You whether you want to be found or not.
Also, he's like. A werewolf now? Haha funny he gets it, but he figures that will ALSO make him easier to find, so like.
[ The therapy building is always open, of course. Mizuki had intended it to be used by everyone and considered basically a public space. Still, he finds it funny when people knock all the same. It is still his "house" he supposes?
He's not... really all that surprised to see Wolfwood as a creature. He'd seen several others walking around. And at least Wolfwood is still pretty identifiable. He gives a soft little smile, as well as a wave. ]
[Wolfwood kindof shrugs his shoulders at that, hands in his pockets as he makes his way in.]
I dunno if you have other people talkin' to you on the same day as me, and I know I would be pissed if somebody randomly walked in on me pourin' my heart out.
[Implying he ever does that, but don't worry we'll get to that.
He slumps into the available chair, exhaling on a world-weary sigh.]
You been doin' okay?
[Is how he chooses to start, mainly to avoid talking about himself for as long as he can get away with.]
Mmh... I was a little sad when I couldn't find Affogato... but overall, I'm okay. Elsword is staying with me now. Things have been calmer lately. Mister The Forest hasn't done anything like putting us in a "The Floor Is Lava" game or anything like that in some time.
To spare you a long fuckin' story, Add got a hold of some of my vials and wanted to reverse engineer 'em, and I told him I was uncomfortable with him messin' with them. I couldn't...really convince him otherwise, cause he just kept tellin' me how I should be taking advantage of the power I've got and turn it around for good instead of just throwin' it away. But that don't really change the way how I feel about it...yaknow? Does that make sense?
Like. The shit I use ain't no fuckin' joke. If a normal person were to ingest even a drop, they'd probably drop dead from poisoning. I feel like it's not unreasonable to want people not to touch it.
Mmh... That makes sense. I mean, Add's not been in your shoes. He doesn't know the things you've endured, and trying to "turn it around for good" isn't something that's easily done for someone who's experienced pain in association with it. Some people can, as that would be their way of coping, but others find distance to be easier for them. Both are valid responses, I think, but at the end of the day, especially if it's something you deem absolutely dangerous, putting your foot down about it is okay.
[Wolfwood slumps a little. At least just. Hearing that seems to help, if nothing else.]
We ended up reachin' an agreement that if he wanted to experiment with 'em, he couldn't use 'em on himself, or anyone else. Just me. Like...
[...]
I ain't against the idea. I just don't think I could live with the thought that someone else got hurt due to 'em, even if it wasn't because of me directly.
Mmh... it still sort of feels like it's your responsibility because it's something you own, right? Like when your dog bites someone, that's still on you, and stuff...
[ Or when your God grows in the Grove and inflicts trauma on everyone. Haha. ha... ]
If you'd like, I could talk with him? Maybe try to convince him to not do something like that, period...?
At Mizuki's offer, though...Wolfwood's expression softens, and his shoulders sag a bit.]
Naah. I don't really want 'im to know I talked to anybody about it, I mostly just needed to vent. I think it's fine now, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't...I dunno. Bein' unreasonable, cause I know I can do that.
You've been doing a lot better, though. And the fact that you're being careful and worried about it now speaks volumes to the amount you're putting in to trying. You're doing a good job, Wolfwood.
[It's his first time in the therapy building, so Add wanders around a bit while he looks for Mizuki's office. Not that he's here for therapy, since he's fine and extremely normal, but Mizuki gave him a lot of good advice last time. He should at least give him an update on how everything turned out.
... even if it's kind of obvious, since Add and Ain are now living together. But still!
The snake body makes it a little difficult to maneuver, but he manages not to slam too many doors on himself. Peeking into the rock climbing room, sensory deprivation tanks, the paint room... the rage room is intriguing. Might have to come back to that one. But for now he finds himself in the library, his tail curled up around him in a big messy heap as he frowns at the selection of books. None of these are about robots...]
[ Mizuki isn't going to question everyone who wants to use his building. It's here for everyone, after all. But, y'know, he also isn't going to ignore snake Add (Snadd) coming in either. He knows very vaguely about things that have been happening. Ain is also his client, after all.
So, of course, he will eventually wiggle his way into the library with his usual smile. ]
Hello, Mister Add. It's good to see you again~. Is there something specific you're looking for? Maybe I can help.
[In the time Add has been left to his own devices he's gotten over the lack of scientific texts and entertained the possibility that maybe a self-help book might contain useful knowledge. He's hunched over one such book when Mizuki walks in, while his dynamos are busy arranging a small stack of a fewotheroptions...
... which means none of them are checking for intruders, so Add jolts with an audible snap when Mizuki's voice starts ringing in his head. He fumbles the book in his hands, nearly dropping it.]
Ghck, don't sneak up on me like that! [a couple dynamos aggressively bobbing behind him like they're nodding in agreement, this is totally not his/their own fault] I was just skimming a few, it's not important.
[tucking his research topic under an arm for now...]
Things worked out with Ain... and Wolfwood, I guess. Your advice turned out to be useful, so I owe you one. [maybe he should read up on saying "thank you" to people next goddamn]
Hm? Did I not tell you that I also lived here? [ So does Elsword, though he's pretty sure Add might've figured that much out already. When he isn't camping out by the river, anyway. ] Sorry I startled you, though. It's hard not to, when I can't speak and all~.
[ He might be a little nosy and try to glance at the books he's reading, but that curiosity is quickly pushed away by what Add says. ]
Oh, that's wonderful!!! I'm really glad - I hope you all are happier now? And, my sessions are completely free, you know. There's no reason for you to "owe me". Charging anyone for my services here seems miserable, given our situations.
[He's still a little self-conscious about it, so Dynamo conspicuously floats in the way when Mizuki tries to read the spines... not that he didn't see them earlier, probably. Add shifts around in his "seat" (huge snake ass), trying not to look anxious.]
Tch, I said I owe you so I owe you, alright? [please... he doesn't know how else to convey gratitude, this is hard] I do charge for my services, so enjoy the freebie while it lasts. Machines are my specialty, but I have a lot of useful skills besides that. Just tell me if you need something and I'll do it.
[ Hm. Mizuki should get more monster-friendly furniture and such in here. Maybe also make the doorways bigger...? Something to think about later. ]
Oh, that's very good to know. How are you with game consoles? I can usually troubleshoot if the problems are minor, but the major ones stump me. I'm not really an engineer or nothin', and it isn't like we have an internet search engine conveniently on hand or anything...
[ Lily will get her hand held, in that case. They're both going to the office together, which is still just as green and serene as it always is. Despite the lack of windows, there's a lot of little hidden sea jelly-shaped lights around the office to make it feel light and cozy.
He takes a seat and gestures for her to flop on the couch, if she likes. ]
( baby boy, she is so flopping, holding whatever the softest thing she can and holding it close. )
... This one requires context, again- it's... very complicated?
On Earthbread, eons before my time, the Witches who created us, created a different batch of cookies. These cookies were baked to embody virtue, and to guide and protect other cookies through artifacts called Soul Jam. ... But absolute power corrupts absolutely, and- and their job was surely difficult. They corrupted and fell, becoming monsters slaughtering civilizations in days.
The Witches had no choice but to strip them of their power and seal them in a prison. They... charged another Cookie, Elder Faerie Cookie, with protecting the seal and keeping them contained, and then refined the Soul Jams into purer magic, something that had to be earned rather than bequeathed.
... Vanny, Cacao, Hollyberry Cookie, Golden Cheese Cookie and I were the ones to gain the refined Soul Jams. But the Virtues- now the Beasts- still have a fragment as well, opposite what we embody. And Shadow Milk Cookie... is the Beast of Deceit. He is Pure Vanilla Cookie's other half, and one of the Cookies trying to escape the seal.
This is a lot, I'll give you a moment.
( because she is NOT done. i'm so sorry mizuki and also rubie. )
[ Wow... Cookies are sure a lot, huh? He can't help but think about the world just existing in an oven. Maybe the Witches are just very passionate bakers... He wonders if he should be worried when he makes cookies that they might gain sentience...???
He's not writing anything down. Rather, he is just looking at Lily with his full attention. ]
I'm pretty good at absorbing information, no matter how strange. I hear a lot from the Firstborn.
I met Elder Faerie when I was traveling, after the others established their kingdoms and their rule. I was seeking out... why we were created, and how I could make our lives better. I have... always been very weak. My dough crumbled easily, so while my bindings are partially to cover scars, they're also to keep my body from falling apart.
In this new body, it translates to a constant pain.
And I knew I was not the only one this fragile- and even the strongest cookies crumbled when wet. I could not comprehend why we were so delicate and sweet, so I wanted to meet the Witches and ask them...
... But- that's not what this is about.
Elder Faerie Cookie taught me what he could, and about the Beasts- I even helped prevent one of Shadow Milk Cookie's escape attempts, renewing and empowering the seal. While I stayed with Elder Faerie Cookie, we... became close.
... We were lovers.
( lily is quiet for a moment, closing her eyes as she inhales. it hurts, still- to her, it's only been a year. she doesn't remember the time between her death and resurrection beyond glimpses of dark enchantress's memories, and they had no time after her resurrection.
... if he saw her now... would he be disappointed in her? )
I- I died, back home. And when I was resurrected, it was with his life powder. It weakened him greatly- that's when Shadow Milk Cookie struck again, fragment of his soul breaking free and raining havoc upon the Faerie kingdom. Elder Faerie Cookie had a choice: he could die by Shadow Milk Cookie's hands directly... or he could give everything, his life, his duty, his kingdom and his power, to me.
[ Mizuki, again, seems to be absorbing everything pretty well! He doesn't have a lot of questions about the Cookie Lore(tm), but rather just studying Lily herself. How she's speaking, how she's putting herself forward, the sort of things she's thinking about... above all, after all, he's here to help with her mental. Mizuki doesn't know himself if he actually "understands" what she's talking about, or if he's simply going along with it like he would one of his video games. Whatever the case, he can easily pick up on what she's probably thinking about all this. If that cookie were to make the choice die by Shadow Milk's hand, she surely feels guilt in not "taking care of" the problem, surely.
He certainly felt that way, too, once upon a time.
( in terms of body language, she seems to be curling in on herself, hiding partially behind the stuffed animal clutched to her chest. shame and guilt and a pain that she can't soothe, all while she recalls a distant past...
the question makes her go quiet. )
... I want to hate him, like I did two months ago. I had wanted nothing to do with him, not even to do my duty as Elder Faerie had- I just wanted him out of my life so I didn't have to think about him and what he's done to my people, and what he did to Vanny anymore.
( also, she loathed that they were together- but she also knows mizuki had encouraged it. she won't be bringing that up. )
And then we were both alone. Timekeeper Cookie is... also a cookie. But she's not from our Earthbread. And- and she did not like either Vanny or Cacao.
She has been kind, but- only he could understand. ... In truth, it's probably me who's lacking, given that they had their souls bonded together.
( her grip on the stuffed animal tightens. )
... His cakehound showed up on my door, one morning after they vanished. And then Nene followed. He'd challenged the Forest, and- came out blinded and mangled.
Despite all he'd done- and all I've done in turn... I couldn't leave him alone.
... I don't know.
We live together now. He- tries to cheer me up, or comes to me for comfort. And I feel like the resentment is fading, but it shouldn't. And I can't forget the pain of Elder Faerie, of Vanny, of watching him toy with my people...
[ Mizuki doesn't want to tell Lily that he's actually the last person that knows what to do in a situation like this. This is perhaps the one thing that he gets lost on himself. After all, is he not the one constantly trying to learn if people can change? Is he not the one constantly trying to learn what's right and wrong? To eat the evil of the world?? He leans back in his seat, looking at the ceiling for a small, thoughtful moment. ]
I suppose... something about people is that... their actions and feelings are not a monolith. Minds, feelings, emotions... they're all very complicated things. [ He looks back down at Lily here. ] Environments and the people that surround a person can greatly influence these things. For example, within an environment like this, [ He gestures around, though he clearly means the Grove as a whole. ] I'm sure a lot of people have adapted in strange ways. It's likely Shadow Milk is now in an environment where he doesn't feel like he has to be the person he used to be, if that makes sense? Of course, I'm not going to say that's how it is for sure, but... it's just something to think about, I suppose?
With that said, I'm not saying that it's wrong of you to feel conflicted. The opposite. It may very well be that you're seeing this change and feeling like closure for that grief in your life is slipping away. Have you gotten the chance to talk to him about any of this?
cw: reference to recreational drug use, sex under the influence
We- don't tend to get very far. Neither of us know how to broach the subject of Pure Vanilla Cookie, and... we have very different views on Elder Faerie Cookie, for understandable reasons.
( to one, he was a kind king, friend and lover. to the other, a traitorous ex turned warden.
someone's bitter. she doesn't blame him, but... it tends to stop attempts to talk about the past at the door. )
Anything else, we- avoid, naturally. I think the only time we were able to actually admit both of us were lonely was... um.
( give her a moment- and ignore how her cheeks flush and she hides in the stuffed animal completely. )
W-we got high recently and slept together for comfort.
But then we try to talk about it and it just- feels impossible!
...I see! That would certainly stir up some feelings, I'm sure. Do you think maybe part of the reason it feels impossible is because you do not want to hurt his feelings?
Not having a problem with it before does not mean you do not now, Miss Lily. That said, there is no right or wrong way to feel. Acknowledging the things you do feel is what's most important. If you focus too much on the "supposed to" and not the you in the moment, it'll end up hurting you more than anything.
I do understand not being able to understand your "in the moment" feelings, though. Sometimes, not knowing is your way of putting stops to things you are hesitant or not wanting to feel. Could that be a possibility?
If you still don't know, do not worry. Not knowing is not a bad thing.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mooninthewater) wrote2023-08-16 12:10 pm
MIDNIGHT.
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Is someone stuck out there? You can come this way, if you’re lost.
[ Danger sense: 0. There’s clearly nothing wrong here— ]
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Help. Yes. Mizuki...
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How do they know your name? Something isn't right. ]
… [ But he doesn't want to not help people…??? ] How?
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My duty... protect all of you. I need to... in the Grove.
[They've tried to explain themself. As for the how:]
...New Moon... call to... Purif... ...First Sentinel ...Grove's Guardian.
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…
None of that makes sense to him, but— ]
Okay, Protector, I'll let the others know. They're real smart, so we'll all figure out how to help you, okay? Ah—
[ From his bag, he pulls out one of his saltwater taffies and places it just on the edge of the fog. ]
Please stay safe until then, Protector!!
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It will still be there if he comes back during the daylight. The blinking lights, however, will not be.]
Therapy Building.
Mi... Mizuki?
[ After a moment of being a bit lost and uncertain, she pulls out a copper wire and sends a sending spell to Mizuki. ]
'Hello, I wanted to talk to you. Are you at the place you built? I am inside as well.. Trying to find you.
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He’s good. He’s fine. It’s all okay. Caoimhe hadn’t wanted to commit to something like that anyway. This just felt like a tease…
Mizuki pops his head out from the pile of stuffed animals in the corner of the room, previously totally buried as he pulls his headphone out. ]
Caoimhe!! Hello!
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Mizuki! [ Caoimhe's voice lights up but then, her expression seems to look away as she places the wire back into her bag. Giving the look of someone who felt dejected and overall, ashamed of something that happened. After the two were closer, she looked around a bit and let out a slight exhale. ] Um... I wanted to apologize for the other day when... W-When I cast the spell of winds at you.
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Huh? Apologize?? Whyever for? [ Beat. ] Oh! Were you worried you hurt me? Don’t worry, my stingers don’t really have nerves.
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Mizuki that day... That day I was more scared that you were going to eat Chung, than I was hurting you or anything else... And I wanted to apologize for that, to think of you so horribly. [ She had begun to look into his eyes, but then, emotions overwhelmed her and she truly felt she discarded Mizuki's feelings at that moment. ] With everything going on within the grove, and everything that I knew becoming challenged... In that moment - I thought, horribly of you and that you would hurt others around you. I... [ Her voice becomes shaky, and she tries her best to continue speaking. ] I cannot watch you when you eat another like you did, such imagery haunts my mind. After everything I have seen so far... Everything seems to blend sometimes... It is frightening, I am sorry.... I did not mean to feel as if you were a monster at that moment.
[ She bows her head, hands at her heart clutching to it tightly. ]
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Shh, you don't have anything to apologize for. I hadn't meant to scare you. I'm sorry for that! I'll eat somewhere more private next time, okay?
How funny you would think I would eat Chung, though~! You are all good people, you know? I'd never do that to any of you while you were still alive, okay? So you don't have to worry about that.
[ He drops his head to settle his chin against her shoulder. ]
Besides, you're not too far off. I mean, what kind of non-monster causes people to go mad and allows his friends to get hurt like that, right~?
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... I know... I'm sorry... [ She felt like a bad friend, to have thought that Mizuki would ever do something like that. Unable to accept in that moment, something about him that scared her - it was wrong, of her to not accept him as he is. Especially in a moment, that Mizuki himself was clearly helping them all with. ]
B-But... I don't know why - I don't understand why you eat others like that... [ But Gods consume people, Devils eat souls, and living beings eat animals - it's all the same ultimately. ] ... But, I know Mizuki only does things because he cares about all of us... So I know what you were doing was to help us, and it's okay... [ Her locks of hair seem to drown the other's face within it. Her voice gets a bit quieter, and she holds him still without letting him go. ] S-Sometimes we hurt each other... But... I-It's okay, that's why... That's why I came here to talk to you because even if you didn't realize it... Even if you didn't understand - I still h-hurt you Mizuki, and I wanted you to know... I am sorry... I-I will do better.
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[ He combs his fingers through her hair. ]
I do care about all of you. Would it calm you any if I told you why I did it?
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[ Endless, insatiable, eldritch hunger is a bitch sometimes. ]
My mentor taught me how to… absorb all the goodness around me and share that unto others. But, even more than that, he taught me how to expel the evil within myself.
[ Mizuki offers out his own gloved hand, attempting to help wipe away some of those tears. ]
Taking someone's evil into myself means I can get rid of it. So I try to eat the things I kill to absolve them of that. It's… a little different here, since things "respawn", so it's not like there's an afterlife or anything like that, but… if I can offer just a little bit of solace, I'm going to try.
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You can... Eat evil..? And... Share goodness...? [ Never in her life had she ever heard about such an ability - it is so unique and intricate... sadly they never got to the eldritch abominations stuff, so Caoimhe knows NOTHING about that mess. ]
If you consume them.. Then... When their soul is freed - they no longer are tainted by the darkness of evil?
[ Her eyes are blinking and she seems to try to put thoughts together. ]
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…
Plus, it'll be nice to not have a massive, rotting corpse over there. [ Just, you know, as an after thought. ]
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T-that is amazing... It doesn't hurt you in anyway...?
[ She comes from people who use every part of a body!!! Because its important!! They burn their dead so they don't become undead and spread their ashes into the winds!! She totally supports you. ]
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Mmmh, well... [ He considers this for a moment. It wouldn't hurt to tell her some form of the truth, he thinks. "Hurts," no, but "alters"... sometimes.
...
He decides against telling her. ]
Not that I can think of, no. Does that make it a little better? I'll still eat more privately, of course.
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... I... I don't think I can watch - ultimately, the body of a living being is so holy - in itself. Even if they... Die.. ... To watch it desecrated in that way is still hurtful despite your ability...
[ Though the more she thinks about it... ]
... Does that mean... Youre a God?
[ I cant remember if she asked this before - Caoimhe would remember BUT ME THE MUN? GON GAGA. ]
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[ Sounds like she already has, of course, but he doesn't want to assume anything. Maybe she came to apologize and also be like "but fuck you for doing that you little bitch" or something like that.
Her next question stumps him a little bit, though. The answer should be "Of course not". And, to some extent, it is, to Mizuki. (But there's a lot of intricacies to We Many, isn't there?) No, no, he can't talk about that. Ah, he's better off just avoiding answering altogether. He doesn't want to continue lying to Caoimhe. ]
What's a god to you, Caoimhe?
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[ At least in regards to this moment. A pause, as she is hesitant to answer his question. ]
... Do you not..? [ Mizuki may not give his feelings away physically, but in the intricacies of his own personality. Caoimhe finds perhaps her question weighed uncomfortably on his shoulders. ] Do you not, like that question?
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[ And he's going to hold her hands now. He's very touchy - if he can't keep hugging, then this works for him. ]
I wouldn't say that, no. It's just certainly a weird question to ask, isn't it~? I mean, depending on what your definition of "godhood" is, maybe we all are? We can't technically "die", we have different abilities, we're from different worlds, we've been reincarnated as entirely new people - there's so much there that could be traits of godhood.
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But Gods..? ]
No, [ She says, kindly but there is a push of certainty to her voice now. ] A God is nothing like us.. Yet you are right, we can become Gods. I have heard legends of those who even Ao could not overlook and granted them ascension... But...
[ As she speaks trying to recall memories and thinks hard on it, the lyre at her side begins to glitten slightly. Exuding an aura of magic itself. ]
Gods have these things called Portfolios.. Yes, without them, the Gods would not gain power from our prayers or respect. Instead, they would diminish in power, and likely disappear into the aetherial planes... I suppose that does not answer your question.
[ She had looked away in thought but returned her eyes towards the other more endearingly once more. ]
To me, the Gods whether they are foul-mannered or gracious. Are beings who live beyond our understanding, they are not meant to be understood but all the same - worshiped and learned from. They are our creators and may not understand us as mortals, but rely on us all the same as we too look to them for answers.
We are the essence of what it means to be synergetic, a foul God should be stopped but to destroyed!?!? Outright, would only mean the demise of Mortalkind.
[ She shakes her head frowning, ]
I merely mean, to myself. Gods are above me, and I can only exist below them ultimately.
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[ Happily, he swings their hands together, and sways a little in his spot as well. Mizuki may have been raised
by cultistsin a Church, but he's really not a religious person. He believes in what the Arbor stands for, and what it once provided and did, but there are some... complicated feelings there. There's some complicated feelings for We Many. There's a lot of... jumbled, complicated... stuff. ]If the Gods created creatures, then are those creatures not also God? They must be pieces of them, at least, surely? I believe there are simply people who earn respect and even prayer, but those people are not necessarily good, or even gods, right? So, then, where is the divide?
If Gods are simply something we cannot understand, then are many, many Gods that differ between people, even. For instance, I don't understand emotions all that well. Does that make it my God~?
[ Before she has the chance to answer, Mizuki lets go of one of her hands and pulls the other up, guiding her into a little twirl before giving a bright, sunny laugh. ] I don't think anyone can truly define divinity.
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[ As swift as she seemed to smile, she frowns gently. ]
That is why the Beast, takes our souls and consumes it - making certain we are never reborn again. He wants the small parts of Ao within us, so that he can become stronger then he is... [ Yes she will talk about the facts of her world like it is nothing, she has done this in the campaign its a thing. ]
But ah -
[ she twirls a bit mystified, did he want to dance? Caoimhe had not danced for some time, and the movement of her twirl made her feel balanced in some way. When she enters back before him. She looks at either side of him and gently comes close and moves a bit as if to dance. ]
That is what I mean... But we, as living beings... We are defined, and part of that is by the Gods in some way...
While the Gods are divided mainly by the power in their hands, but also the laws of the cosmos that we know nothing of... And maybe just, will never understand... Yes... I think that's okay...
I also think that. [ A small smile. ] If Mizuki is a God, he would be a Great God. A kindest one, yes! I would hope your people will dance to the ocean waves, sing your songs, and represent the strength that is in your heart.
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I do not believe that we are defined, actually. Not when we have so many things that make us unique, if we are truly pieces of a whole.
[ Mizuki will absolutely start to sway with Caoimhe, a songless little dance to keep up the energy. To keep Caoimhe happy. ]
Ehehe, you think so~? It's too bad, then, that I'm not a God. I don't even fit your definition a little bit. I'm just Mizuki.
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Mm! That's okay - I-I am most endeared by it... [ It is a quiet gentle dance, Caoimhe feels the moment deeply. ] I love who you are, simply as you are, that is why I was so sad... To have felt scared of you before.
I felt that I betrayed you, Mizuki... Despite how much I love you. [ She leans in a bit closer, at least despite the tears that still seemed to sit on her cheeks from moments before. Caoimhe is able to smile truly for the other. ] Thank you for understanding me, and being so kind... Always... I am happy to have met you, am happy that Mizuki is just Mizuki.
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Mmh, I'm glad Caoimhe is Caoimhe, too. I think... [ A rumbling in his head, the whispers of the collective, the thoughts of We Many, the voice he can never discern from his own. ] I think the Gods are overrated, anyway.
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[ Somewhere her mother's own heart cries, knowing her daughter is so much like her. ]
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... [ He squeezes her hands, still smiling, still upbeat, not slowing down with his dancing, but... his voice sounds just a tinge forlorn. ]
And that is why we would make terrible Gods.
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... Mizuki, I.. I wanted to show you something... I am not sure how the spell will work, but... I would be comfortable if you were here with me while I cast it... Do you want to see?
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Of course. [ But now isn’t the time to think about that. He’s back to his infinite cheer. ] What is it?
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okay...
[ Caoimhe holds the harp in her hand, and with a manifestation within her chest. Imagines it far larger, it transforms in her hand into a lap harp now and sits against her hip. ]
I-If... If it goes bad... Could you - - ? Make sure to help fight with me?
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[ Each stroke of the string, reverberates into the air, and the beautiful tune played is that of a gentle summer song. With each cord played a warm wind passes by them but it is cool to the touch as if it were to rain at any moment. When her eyes shut she seems to imbue magic alongside her harp, and within a matter of moments. What Mizuki will see is the form of a raindrop small in size and quality - become suddenly large. Collecting water from nowhere in particular but within itself -
It reaches about 10ft in diameter and bubbles itself before them both. A whole bubble of water. It seems to bounce about buoyant in its conception, and whirl in circles on the spot. It has no eyes and takes no shape currently but what Mizuki hears right after is the sound of some deranged gurgling akin to the rumble of ocean waves, or something inherently inhuman. ]
Eh? Eh? Where am I? What am I doing here? [ It speaks Primordial, and echoes these words to no one in particular. ]
[ Caoimhe stops her music playing and seems rather excited suddenly!! ]
OH! It worked!!! It worked!! H-Hello! Mizuki!! Look!!!!
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Mizuki has absolutely no idea what's going on, but Caoimhe said "help fight" just moments before, so... Mizuki is absolutely chucking his harpoon-umbrella at this thing. Especially after it gurgles like that. No, no, no, no, nu-uh, not here, not now. ]
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Attack? Attack? Attack? Attack? No? No? Why did they attack? I just got here. I should attack... [ Gurgle gurgle... ]
No don't attack! T-This is friendly!
... Okay. But if he attacks again, fight. Fight.
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been subjected to Mizuki's nat1made the mistake of not really explaining to Mizuki what she intends to do. Moreover, has told him to prepare for a fight, which already had him on the offensive. Maybe it's that sort of negative combination, then, that sets off something inside of Mizuki? He doesn't immediately pounce on the creature or anything like that since he will heed Caoimhe's request for now, but just his posture makes it abundantly clear that he is unhappy. ]What is that? Why can't We feel it...? What did you do? [ It speaks in a tongue native to the Seaborn, yet They are making him bristle at the sound. Perhaps because communication and thought in his language is often also accompanied through other means in the hivemind? ] ...We don't like it, Caoimhe.
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[ Caoimhe looks over to the Elemental and seems to apologize to it profusely. She clasps her hands together and with a break in her concentrates on the weave. The elemental disperses and the water from whence it came from lessense until it finally diminishes entirely.
Once it is gone, she is hesitant but looks toward Mizuki with nothing but concern for him and his wellbeing. ]
I-It is an elemental - o-on my realm... It is powerful magic, I met one before in my travels but only once and heard of their powers through old text but... I did not think I would be able to summon one myself until I started to work more and more with this Harp I acquired.
[ Caoimhe turns the Harp into a Lyre and shows it to the other. ]
D-Do you need me to do anything, I am so sorry. I was hopeful that.. The water Elemental would help you with your issues in needing to be in water so much. I am so sorry, I did not think it would turn out to be so - - horrifying an experience. T-Tell me what I can do to help!
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Abomination. We should've...
No, no you're overreacting. It's fine.
Is this really important to you?
[ ... ]
Ah- it's alright, Caoimhe, you didn't do anything wrong, We just misunderstood your intentions. Sorry. Were you startled?
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I... No it's... I did not want you to hurt it because... If you did then it may have surely, turned on us both. [ Thankfully its SUMMON elemental and not CONJURE elemental. ] I am just glad no one was hurt, I am so sorry Mizuki...
[ She comes closer hoping to help offer her hands or body to lean on. ]
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[ That seems to calm the storm in his head a bit. Maybe that isn't surprising, since it is the Arbor's jobs to be able to effortlessly soothe the waves.
Despite the fact his shaking stopped, he still is more than happy to give her a hug. ]
You were thinking of me, though? That's very kind of you.
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[ Pat pat... ]
It's alright, though. I hope I didn't scare your friend too much.
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Post Heimr Conversation.
Anyway, have a crying Caoimhe contacting Mizuki through sending after having a 'heart to heart' @ Heimr. ]
Where are you? Where may I find you?
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It's probably best she doesn't focus too much on it. ]
Caoi~mhe!!! Can you hear me, too~? How exciting, to be able to talk like this!! I'm at Elsword's, in his fish tank. I'll also be-
[ Aaaand the message cuts short. The other ambient noise stops, too, at least! ]
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At least - we think so, she rounds the corner to where the Fish Tank in Elswords house is and looks around to find him. ]
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Caoimhe! You stopped talking! I thought you were ignoring me!!
[ "Moon" jellyfish is a misdirection, he's actually the very rare "sunshine" jellyfish. ]
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It almost makes her want to diminish her issues into nothingness, the complicity of it should not be brought and put on others' shoulders. She already bothered Heimr, the Shopkeeper and upset him... She should not continue that train of action. ]
I... I am sorry... The spell I use can only send back and forth about twenty-five words. Did I bother your time in the waters?
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[ He bounds over to her for a hug. A wet one, sorry- ]
Is there something on your mind? I'm sorry I'm not easier to track down, ehe...
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...Is everything okay?
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I do not want to bother you with my thoughts, I already caused a great bit of grief to Heimr when I just spoke to him now... I just...
[ A Pause. ]
I missed the ocean... And... I did not know where to go to, but to you.
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You wouldn't bother me with your thoughts, Caoimhe. I much prefer people being straightforward with me, since I'm not too good at reading people.
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Even still... It isn't right to just, speak my pains freely.. [ Locks of hair shuffle about, ] Not that I do not want to.
[ She looks up, staring towards him a bit more clearly. ]
. . . Remember... You had told me, that I am a Good Person?
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[ ??? He's fretting a little bit over her. Should they sit? They should sit. He's going to gently coax her to Elsword's couch so they can take a seat. He'll hold her hands once they do, trying to be comforting. ]
I do. You are.
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I think about that day a lot... Everything we talked about... I... I try really hard to be myself and to be what it means to be good to me... But... I think.... I think it is only making other people unhappy, and... Maybe misunderstand me? Or... That I will make it worse?
[ A pause and... She reflects the earnestly says. ]
... I wanted to go back to the ocean, because... If that is where I came from, then I want to return home. [ She gets quieter, the comfort of sitting and the safety of being in this place with her friend Mizuki beside her. Knowing too, that Elsword was not too far away. She opens up a bit more... ] ... I don't think I belong anywhere... Not even here... So I want to go back home... I want to go back to the ocean, where I came from, and where I belong... Since... The way that I am - the way that I am, is not... The right way to be?
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How incredibly relatable.]Hm, if I can give you my thoughts... [ They won't be very good, since Mizuki also is misunderstood and makes things worse, so- ] You're not going to make everyone happy, even if you do everything right. You are a very good person, and I think whatever misunderstandings stem from the fact people know this about you and want to make sure that goodness isn't snuffed out.
After all, there's a lot of really good people, but that doesn't mean they have means to protect themselves. Especially somewhere so incredibly dangerous, I'm sure you're just bound to worry people...
[ There's a gentle squeeze of her hands. ]
Is that what home is to you? Do you believe being there would fix things? Do you think that your point of view should not be valued? What is the right way to be? If you feel you do not belong anywhere, what is the harm in staying here, anyway?
...
I know it's a lot to think about, but... I think you belong.
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Thinking that people are so concerned about her - that they are fearful of how she is being taken advantage of by others?
She genuinely, cannot fathom that idea.
It's too bad this came too late - if anything it's almost narratively hilarious. ]
... I did not realize. . . [ A pause as she drifts into thought but the hand squeeze brings her in. Eyes flicker upwards back to him, and the oceans within them seem to subside from the initial flurry of storms that bellowed within.
'What is the harm in staying here anyway?'
If Caoimhe is so adamant about believing everyone belongs, why does she not add herself into the picture?. Her life answers that question, but she is incapable of answering it right now in her mind for Mizuki. Instead, she simply thinks - ]
I am still trying to understand...
[ I think you belong. She smiles, and deep down she feels herself validated. Truly, the ocean welcomes her. ]
Thank you.
[ She squeezes his hands back. ]
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[ Mizuki, you're gushing. Why did you roll a 7 on being normal-
Caoimhe is being incredibly introspective in this moment, and had Mizuki the awareness, he would be proud. Alas, instead, he is just a simple jellyfish with a negative 10 insight modifier. ]
Oh, you're welcome! I hope I helped!!
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Y-Yes you always do... You truly have so much vast knowledge.. You must pay attention to other people around you a lot.
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[ Stalker behavior! Here’s another red flag, Caoimhe, hold this 🚩]
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Mmm, that makes sense. [ A pause, thinking on what the other said. ] I know many people who do this, but I myself enjoy it as well... Even if at times, the distance between us can be.. So vast.
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[ Once again, Mizuki finds himself relating far too much to Caoimhe. He wonders if, maybe, here at the grove, they were twins or something? No, no, that's silly, they looked nothing alike in the photograph… ]
I… sometimes sort of feel like there's sort of this… [ He gestures in the air, miming out a wall of sorts in front of him. ] window that I'm looking into. That I'm merely a lens — the camera to watch the movie. It's very…
[ Lonely. ]
…silly, I guess? Ehehe, I guess that's what I get for not being more social~. Holding hands and physical contact helps a lot, though. Makes the "window" feel a little less… there.
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Yes! That's exactly it! [ Caoimhe seems to flinch at his realization, ] When... Um...
There is this book that exists, it - - it is where my name came from.
[ She moves to find the bag of holding and searches for the book. Sure enough she finds it, pulling it out with its hard red cover. As she takes it into her hands, cradling the book itself she gently opens it. ]
It's a story about a girl, who... Who lived in a city where everyone is beautiful, and everyone is good at one thing? It does not what that one thing is, but they excel at it and have purpose because of it. [ She filters through the pages as she speaks looking for something within it urgently. ] Then this girl was born. She was simply not good at any one particular thing, and she did not look so fetching. The girl was often treated so poorly, and no one loved her whatsoever.
The book is about a God watching over this girl, and commenting on how it is she lives - how it is she becomes. Ultimately the God decides it wants to grant the girl a wish, and when it asks her what they wish for. The God says, "I have watched you be hated and reviled, for no reason other than existing. I want to give you a gift, I can change everything about the city, everything about the world, even change you to be loved and revered. What do you want the most, tell me?"
The girl simply said, "I want to just live here, I don't want to change at all. I love looking down at everyone, I love seeing them happy and I love how hard they strive to be what they are. Me being here, drives them. It shows them what they don't want to be, and for that, I am truly precious to them. Even if they do not know it. I just want to be, Caoimhe."
[ As she turns the book over to Mizuki, the illustration is presented across two pages. Drawn with ink and hard printed with some bold colors to pop. There is a girl that overlooks a city, the city is beautifully built. With lights that glimmer, and floating vehicles that whirl around. Then you have Caoimhe in the picture book, staring off from a hill out into the beautiful city. Where the God shown before her as a small sparkling flower, stands within her hands and seems to be giving of a powerful energy that encompasses them both. The image itself looks more intricate, as the border around it almost looks as if it is a mirror. As if, you are the third party watching over them. Where, the God is watching over Caoimhe. Where Caoimhe is Watching over the City. ]
Caragh... Gave me the name of Caoimhe, from this book... I... When I read it recently, I realized to myself that this is how I felt... Like Caoimhe watching over the city, or the God watching over Caoimhe, or... Myself as I read about each of them through this text. [ She looks at the image lowering it to her lap. ] Because of this... its hard for me to not understand the feelings of others... I understand too much - - ...
Even if they have done so much wrong, because for me... It's like I watch them too from a mirror or a window, where all their actions have meaning, and it's never about one thing...
[ A frown... It almost seems like she... Didn't make sense at all. ]
I am.. Sorry... Did that make sense?
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Mizuki listens to the story, though he seems to knit his brow at some parts of it. The way Caoimhe tells it, the way she seems to shine, how proud she is, how lovely the depictions are... sounds like this is supposed to be a story of hope. But the more she talks about it, the more upsetting it is for Mizuki to hear. This is something she loves, something she is named after, something important to her, so Mizuki shouldn't say anything unkind. It would be like if someone had told Mizuki that Pac-Man or psychology is stupid. He simply feels his tendrils coil very tightly behind him. ]
No, it makes sense. [ Leave it there, don't say anything, don't- ] But it's nothing like that. I don't agree with any of it. [ No, no, Mizuki, get off your soapbox, now is NOT the time! ]
My window is not that put onto me by others. I am not looking down at anyone because they have forced me away from them. No one would do that. Being unkind and treating someone poorly because they don't look pretty or can't do something or don't understand is the sort of thing bullies do. To put someone who's kind down and take advantage of their goodness is how evil corrupts and spreads.
[ Hhhh. Upset... ]
When I lost everything, when I was nothing to the world and could offer it nothing, people were still kind. People still sacrificed for me to have a future. People still cared about me even if I didn't do things right, and they were patient, and they... are good. That God made a mistake.
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It's so funny how one word, down changes introspection and the meaning of all things. To Caoimhe, it literally meant downwards - and stopped there. To look and see from another perspective, it had nothing negative in connotation to it. When she spoke it openly. That this word, downwards, meant nothing, because it was a direction simply. To Mizuki however, it meant everything, because it meant there were things beneath one another.
Therein lies the half cup, and cup half full predicament, told yet in another form and of another topic incidentally. ]
...
[ She sees him, perhaps finally after being here for so long, hearing him talk so much - though the truth was ever hard to find at times. It took her this long because he hides his words craftily afraid that the way he speaks, will deign him something lesser than that of which good really is. ]
You worked really hard didn't you? [ Caoimhe speaks softly, her arms already wrapped around his shoulders leaning against him to give him the most gentlest hug. ] To get where you are now, [ She nuzzles him just a little. ] to feel how you do here, [ And a even kinder back rub. ] and to keep going into the unknown.
[ Once, she told a man, who told her that he was the foulest little thing. Caoimhe, most grateful for his kindness, told him that a man who tries his best to be kind for the world around him. Knowing how capable he was of destroying it, hurting others, or breaking the world around him all within a moment. Was far greater a man, than one who acts kindly, because it is the right thing to do.
Stumped and bewildered by this woman's phrasing, he then tracked halfway across the continent. Realizing, and afraid he would lose the one person who saw the efforts he put into the world. It is a horrifying thing to be seen, in the abyss of humanity after all. ]
I think. [ She says sweetly, ] Someone who understands all that, [ Meaning everything that Mizuki said. ] is as Good as anyone person can be.
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But he isn’t met with upset. He isn’t met with angry or hatred. She is giving him a hug, and speaking so adoringly. ]
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That's why I know that story is wrong, because just because someone doesn't have anything to offer the world, doesn't mean people will just toss you away.
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[ Her thoughts wonder into silent complexities she tries to understand on her own. ]
Thank you for sharing as much of yourself with me, as I did with you just now.
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[ He did say he "lost everything" and something about "that day", but considering he didn't elaborate on that, he didn't think that counted any. ]
Anyway, uh, you're welcome, I guess! Sorry about having such strong opinions on a story that you really like. Um, but thanks for telling me about it. [ "Sucks that you were named after someone the world considered 'useless', maybe whoever named you should rethink that." He doesn't say this. ] But I agree with the kindness thing!! That's sorta what I meant. I didn't do nothin' for it, but people still gave it to me. S'why they're good people.
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Thank you for still being so open with me, I still really cherish this book it's okay.
[ After feeling herself understanding the other more, she settles back into the couch. Still leaning a little bit towards Mizuki and his space. ]
Theres... Always so much to think about. When it comes to others, I have lived two centuries... Still, there is so much to learn.
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Then… ]
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[ She seems to watch the other in surprise, is it not common to live that long in his realm? ]
Sometimes... It is why I.. Feel so worried.. I am unable to lead by example, something of which I should be able to - as it is the way our people taught us to be.
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You're very old. [ Thanks, Mizuki. ] O-oh, no, it just surprised me. Your age shouldn't determine your leadership status or anything. I wouldn't worry about it, Miss Caoimhe.
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It's interesting to learn how different our cultures are, though!!
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[ Plus, when you have the entire consciousness of an ancient race in your head, age starts to seem less and less of an important thing. ]
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Ca~oi~mhe~. It's okay. I'm not upset about it.
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late september we are still in divorce arc 3
... he's reviewed the data six times, and he still can't sort out his feelings. It's a difficult decision to make, but he has to realize sooner or later that he's in over his head. He needs an objective third party to weigh in. Someone who has more experience with human emotions and behaviour, someone he can trust to keep quiet...
He can't go near the river, so he's loitering outside the therapy building until Mizuki comes back that way. Add looks anxious, but he still forces a smile when he finally spots his target in the distance, closing out the holoscreen he'd been pretending to read.]
Mizuki. Are you busy right now? ... I can come back later, if you are. [please don't tell him to come back later he'll chicken out]
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"Mizuki, did you just play video games for the past few days?" Yes, next question— ]
Doctor Add!!!!! [ And yet, all his accomplishments, he's still so excited to see his
commanderfriend. He practically radiates sunshine, or maybe that's just his bioluminescence? ] I'm not busy! I'd always make time for you, anyway!! Do you have orders for me??no subject
Not exactly... can we talk inside? It's a private matter.
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…
I didn't do something wrong, did I?
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[He's still going to wait until they're inside, all the way down to the office, door closed behind them... only then does he allow some of his anxiety to decompress, sitting down on the coach with a big sigh, a neat pile of Dynamo settling on the other end.]
... There's something that I need to let go of. Do you think your therapy techniques could help with that?
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Oh? Oh??? Had Add started to open up to the idea of more therapy! Hell yeah. Maybe he didn't do that poorly before, then!! ]
I'll certainly do my best to. What's on your mind, Doctor Add?
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About what we spoke of last time... there was a disagreement on "the difference between attraction and scientific curiosity."
Let's say, hypothetically speaking, there was someone you were merely "curious" about, but they performed a signal that suggested "attraction"... how would you react to an encounter like that?
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Oh shit, oh fuck, did Elsword confess?! (And he wasn't snooping to see?!?! Bummer.) ]
I suppose… I would do my best to figure out whether or not my "curiousness" could be something more, if nurtured, or if there was just a wall in my way that prevented it from being anything more or not.
[ Admittedly, he's not actually sure how easy that is or not, but he's trying to give good advice that isn't "just raise the friendship stat to 8 hearts and exhaust all their dialogue options." ]
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Well... it's a scientist's instinct to pursue new information, isn't it? So if you agreed to something like that, and they took it as returned feelings... but you had never actually done that before, so you wouldn't know what it actually meant... to you, I mean, it's obvious what it meant to them. So you thought you'd feel one way, when actually it's more like...
[Ugh, how is he supposed to ask this the right way?? He can feel his face getting redder by the second... should he try a different approach? Maybe he just needs to cut straight to the point.]
What are you supposed to do if you don't want feelings for someone? Is there a way to... get rid of them?
[can he opt out... he wants to feel normal again, he can't deal with this]
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I'm sorry, Doctor Add, but… I think maybe we should take a couple steps back first. What happened exactly to make you feel like you don't want those feelings?
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I... may have kissed Elsword. [among other things]
I don't know. I'm not really... I'm not interested in these types of things, normally, but in the heat of the moment [god was it hot in the moment] I wanted to see what he would do. He was... enthusiastic.
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But on the other hand, it sounds like at least Add isn't happy, and that's reason enough for Mizuki to not preemptively celebrate. The opposite, really. His whole heart is going out to the doctor. ]
But how did you feel?
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[If this were any other experiment, he'd have to try it again, and again, and again, just to be sure. Only doing it once, under such delicate conditions... it's sloppy work.
How does he feel?]
... that detail doesn't matter anymore. It's better if things go back to normal, so is there some way I can make Elsword fall out of love? I tried turning him down gently, [you did NOT???] and I gave him a few days to calm down, but he still seems to be upset about it. I don't mind as much if he's still mad at me, but his behaviour is starting to attract too much attention...
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Forgive me if this sounds accusatory at all — it isn't that. They're genuine questions. I would like to know how you are feeling. Until we do, I don't know how to give you advice that benefits all parties. In this moment, we can shelf Elsword's feelings.
[ Mizuki leans forward. ]
Which parts are inconclusive? Do you have any conclusive data? Pros and cons that you've gone over, definitive thoughts you've had… anything like that?
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... would it really, though? Can he say, without a shadow of a doubt... he never had any feelings of his own towards Elsword?
He looks down again, too exhausted to continue scowling. Conclusive data... controlled environments... maybe, if he focuses on just the parts he can answer...]
... I didn't dislike it. Hormones released were of the expected levels in both participants, and there were no mind-altering substances involved. I was offered five separate opportunities to back out. I declined them all. [He only stopped after he passed out, basically. Is it because he was that wrapped up in the experience, or... did he really want all of that, just for himself?]
It's not that emotions like "love" can't be controlled. All emotions are just chemical signals sent from the brain, it's not so complicated I couldn't replicate it... but I don't know what he sees in me to achieve that on his own. I don't gain anything significant by upgrading the relationship, so it makes more sense to try to keep things simplified.
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That’s what psychotherapy is for. That’s what psychoanalysis is for. Is there anything more exciting than to see someone’s actions dictated solely on their emotions. How people instinctively choose something based on their brain chemistry? How fascinating it is to watch one’s resilience and the achievements they can accomplish simply by feeling strong emotions. How one’s emotional memory can completely change them as a person?? How someone’s past shapes them? How taking away everything from someone to see what their breaking point is? It’s all fascinating.
…
Sorry, I’m rambling. I got off topic, we’re focused on you. [ He shakes himself off a bit, like he’s getting himself focused again. ] I forget what point I was trying to make, but I have a question: Do you genuinely think you would not be gaining anything from pushing forward with the relationship? You don’t have to tell me the answer, but I want you to really think about it.
Furthermore, is it… the relationship progressing that bothers you, or is it the potential of messing not only it up but also the possibility of burning the whole bridge?
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[It's hard to admit to... but he isn't getting anywhere by dancing around the topic. Mizuki has come close enough times already. Does it really matter if he knows?]
"Love" demands a greater amount of intimacy. Issues that won't come up between close friends might arise between lovers... it's already strange that he gravitates towards me, I can't imagine it holding up to scrutiny.
I panicked, so I ended things preemptively. I thought it would be easier.
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It's true, love does demand that, and it's likely that you'll be putting in a lot more just to have the possibility of losing it, but... it isn't like you're not gaining anything in return. A closer bond is... always something people are seeking out, platonic or romantic. But more than that, love is often described as a "leap of faith" for that reason.
Let's focus on this first, though: Why do you think it's strange that he gravitates toward you, exactly?
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Elsword is... well, he's popular. I could name at least two people who I'm certain would jump at the chance to have a more intimate relationship with him, and there's likely more than that. He doesn't have to settle for someone like me. A doctor with little to no experience with romantic relationships, I can't match him physically, and he's not really interested in science or medicine... I just don't see how we're even compatible.
[... he's being pretty hard on himself, and he knows that. At least he can accept that Elsword doesn't care about his physical imperfections. Why would he, when he's a seasoned warrior with many more scars than Add? Is that... why he made a big deal about Add's eye? Is he only attractive now because he's similarly scarred...
He shakes his head—getting off topic in there, stay focused.]
We're too different from each other. He'd be better off with someone else.
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[ He taps his fingers against his knees for a moment with a small hum. ]
Just because you don't have and romantic experience doesn't mean all that much, really. You can't really justify that if you're not willing to get that experience, anyway. [ Otome homework real???? He'll bring it up in a minute, probably- ] I think you're also just selling yourself far too short, Add. You are incredibly passionate about your interests, unafraid to make quick decisions, reliable, and very analytical. Why would he be "settling" for someone like that?
... Besides, even if that's all something that you disagree with...
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... but it would be hard to operate when Elsword won't even speak to him anymore. Besides, there are better uses for that. Like making someone stay in love...
hmm.]
... Elsword has been a reliable friend to me, so I'd like to keep things genuine between us if I can. [????? that won't make sense without his internal monologue, but don't worry about it]
But I already said I had no feelings for him... he doesn't even want to talk to me right now. He's been sleeping out by the river for three days now. Should I... keep waiting?
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Well, from the sounds of it, you're still sorting your own headspace out. But I don't think you have to know that much to go talk to Elsword. It's important to apologize for hurting his feelings, at least. Because, um, it sounds like you did? And he's not going to come to you first if that happens, so… I think you should see him.
Leading with something to let him know that he doesn't need to talk to you if he's not ready to, but that you have some things you need to say. Even if it's just… "I'm sorry" and "I don't really know what any of this means right now". I think even that much will help Elsword understand where you are coming from.
If you'd like, you can practice what you want to say with me.
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He sighs, flopping back against the couch to stare up at the ceiling. He wants to sink into the floor... where does he even start with this? Would it... help to give more context first?]
... I wanted to see how far you'd go. The experiment was a success, so there's no need to repeat it. I already have the data I need.
Keep the kiss if you want to. It doesn't mean anything to me.
...
That's what I said to him. [repeated word for word, as stoically as he had the first time.] ... before that, I tried to pretend it didn't happen, but that didn't work. He's probably mad about... both things...
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But on the other hand, the sort of disgusting, obsessive, loyal dog part of him is relatively unphased by this. He might not know Add as well as Elsword, but he knows him fairly well just from watching his behavior up until now. Is this not… something Elsword took into account? Surely it's one of Add's charms to be so curious about how people react to things and the data collected from responses under different circumstances and pressures—
How complicated… ]
Then, let me ask you something, do you feel bad about that because Elsword feels bad, or do you feel bad about it because you didn't mean it?
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If I could've said things differently... The experiment was a success, but the results are still inconclusive. Can we... repeat it again?
[...
it really doesn't sound romantic at all to him... also, if he tries to open with that now, Elsword will definitely get mad at him again.]
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[it's too late to use that as an argument, what with him pouring his heart out to Mizuki... but it's still hard to shake the aversion. this goes against everything he knows, everything he's taught himself to survive. will this come back to bite him someday?]
What if... he doesn't want to try again? If he'd rather not see me at all anymore... [if he tries to open up his heart only to be rejected... well, at least they'd be even.]
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…
At least, that's what the otome "Why am I Loving the Villanous Priest? 'Cause I'm Super Fake." has taught me.
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["Super fake" is how he'd describe himself, so maybe this otome is onto something. If it were something like a "Pure-hearted Knight" instead of a "Villainous Priest", it'd be perfect...]
So... I should try, and if it doesn't work, it wasn't love to begin with?
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[ And he's not just saying that because Elsword is his other patient, but rather because of what he's observed. ]
If you'd like, you can give it a little bit of time to think about it. I wouldn't wait too much longer, but I also don't want you to rush into it without a plan. In the meantime, maybe you could stay here at the therapy building? I could show you some games to play and stuff, and the stuffed animals are real comfy.
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That block puzzle with the tetrominoes. Let me try that one again.
[he is going to play Tetris until he beats it or until Mizuki tells him it doesn't actually have an ending... but also, he is going to play Tetris until his head is clear and not full of messy thoughts and he can put together a reasonable apology.]
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In fact, Mizuki seems to relax a lot. No more punctual sitting, no more mostly contemplative expressions, and even his voice is just a little more relaxed. ]
Here you go! I hope I helped a little, at least. I’m still tryna get better with this stuff, but I really wanna be able to help. Even if just a little. But stuff like that don’t usually come naturally…
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... I don't like to admit it, but this therapy of yours is more effective than I thought it would be. [who knew that talking about your feelings instead of bottling everything up would feel... better??] But also... promise me you won't speak of these meetings to anyone. I don't want them to think of me as anything but a perfect and capable doctor.
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[ He kicks his legs, looking over Add's shoulder to watch him play. No pointers given, he just likes to watch people solve "puzzles" like this. ]
Don't worry. You're a doctor, you know how important patient confidentiality is~! But, um, for what it's worth, I still think you're a perfectly capable doctor even after all this! Things like this just get a little complicated for other people, I've realized. I don't hold any judgements against them, or you, for it. I don't think anyone else would, either.
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... he'll need more time to gauge if he can talk about other things, but it's a start.]
This type of work isn't common in Elrios, but neither are skilled doctors... war and over-reliance on El makes travel difficult, and that prevents knowledge from spreading widely. If the current situation can be resolved, perhaps...
[imagine if they actually gave kids therapy instead of sending 13yos out to war............. but anyway, Add is actually pretty good at Tetris. it helps when you have a chip in your brain that can calculate the perfect move faster than human capabilities. he hasn't figured out how to do all those cool tricks like T-spins yet and he's not totally comfortable with the controls, but give him a few weeks and he'll be a pro.]
... Hm. This game isn't that complicated. I could program something similar...
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…
Not that I'm telling you not to say what you want to be saying?? You should. But… umm… hm. I guess it's really complicated with me, actually.
[ Don't worry about this. He can just talk about Tetris more, he doesn't need to talk about himself any. It's fine. He's fine. ]
Yeah, it's probably one of the more simpler games? But I like the simple ones. They're more fun, in my opinion.
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in retrospect, should he really be taking advice from someone who admittedly doesn't understand people that well?? but Mizuki has never been more relatable, so]
It's easier to get along with others if you can match their expectations. People fear what they don't understand, or what goes against their personal morals and beliefs. Show your hand too easily and you'll be torn down by those against you.
But you've been an asset to me so far... so I wouldn't mind seeing your true face, even if it's something ugly, kukuku...
[the absolutely wild juxtaposition of a serious talk about lies and honesty complete with a villain laugh immediately followed by Add getting a Tetris or something. vibeo gaems.]
Simplicity isn't a bad thing, for something like this. Simple base concept means it's quicker to explain and easier to expand upon in the future. I could rebuild this in three dimensions, or maybe expand on the user input options... [he is going to make Tetris..... 2!! (don't tell him there's already a Tetris 2)]
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Do you think that, genuinely? You truly are too kind to us, Add. [ He's still just as calm as before, eyes on the Tetris game only briefly before he looks at the doctor fully. ] I wouldn't call it "ugly". We just see things a little different than other people sometimes, I suppose. We don't really know why.
But, if you were to ask our advice on this matter as your friend rather than anything else, then it's simple, really. Regardless of your feelings for Elsword, if you feel he is "yours" than you must treat him as such. You have to hold onto him and never let go. And if anyone else gets in the way of it, you simply just need to cut them out of the picture. Then he'll be in your grasp forever, and you'll both be much happier like that.
[ Haha… That's fine! Sound advice! Why is he talking in plural pronouns! There's a lot going on. He doesn't have any change in demeanor that states anything is amiss, though. In fact, he's pretty quick to swap topic back over to Tetris. ]
Kids like these sorts of games, usually. Expanding upon games like this is common, too. Would you like to play Puyo Puyo at some point?
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Hmm. He never thought he'd be encouraged like this, but it's kind of nice? His smile widens a little too much.]
I wouldn't let him go for the world. Knights are a valuable piece, after all.
Puyo Puyo... sure, show that one to me next.
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[ Mizuki stands up, giving a little wave to Add. ]
I'll go grab it, then. Wait here a sec.
[ Oh, the whiplash of being yan and being dorks about vim jams. Normal behavior. Mizuki brings back Puyo Puyo and its console for Add to give it a try. ]
Here. You'll catch on to the mechanics pretty fast, it's not too different from a block puzzle game like Tetris.
end of month / no response needed unless ya wanna
If you're looking for me at the inn, I've moved out. I'll be living in the lab at the far west of the Grove, just south of Aldric's Manor. The door will be unlocked for visitors most of the time.
Not that you've ever respected locked doors in the first place.
~Gnosis
sometime vaguely mid-December
It should be fine. In theory.
... it's only a little worrying that he has, technically, never done this before. Not all the way through to the activation. It was always too risky, unless the patient was already about to die, and he could never be certain of the chip's true effectiveness. There are still so many unknowns, so many ways this could go horribly, horribly wrong. He's trying very hard not to think about it, considering that... really, what could he do about it now? He's done everything he can. Mizuki actually consented, so at least if the worst happens...
but it won't. probably.
Anyway. Mizuki has been out for awhile now, but the drugs should be wearing off soon... whenever he starts to come to, Add is sitting next to his bed in the clinic's recovery room, looking away from his array of holoscreens to smile at his patient. There's a mix of relief and nervousness hidden under the surface, as much as he tries not to show it.]
Good morning, Mizuki. How are you feeling? Any lingering pain or discomfort?
[the chip isn't active (yet), but Mizuki might notice the small scar above his eye, easily hidden under his bangs]
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Until Add speaks anyway.
He blinks very slowly, opting not to move yet, just in case. ] I don't think so. ...Tired. [ There's noise in his head, but on just waking up it all sounds more akin to a speaker being shoved underwater. ] Ah- did you do everything you needed to...?
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... he will, because it's going to work. Everything has gone to plan so far. It'll be fine. Focus.]
You may feel groggy for a few more hours, yes. But if you're feeling up to it, we can begin the next phase. It may be a bit overwhelming at first so we don't have to do everything at once, but it would be good to confirm that the connection was successful at the very least.
[Really, he should let the patient rest before jumping right back into experimentation... but if something is wrong, he can start on fixing it right away. Mizuki can survive another dose of anesthesia.]
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Is this it? Is it finally happening? After the testing and everything, is he really going to
become onemeld withhave Add inside his head? Inside his head? In in in… hhhh… what an intoxicating thought. He wants to cling onto Add, he wants to chew on him, he wants to thank him and plead plead plead for the next phase with absolutely no dignity, but… he'll be good and polite. He should be honored Add is even doing this to begin with. ]I'm ready. I'll handle absolutely anything you throw at me, so there's no need to worry.
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So... he should just go ahead and get into. Okay. Moment of truth.]
Alright. I'm going to activate the chip. Let me know if you feel anything.
[The process is pretty simple from here, at least from Add's end. It's not a physical switch, but it might as well be—all it takes is a thought, a basic command through the newly-formed link to activate the chip's passive features. From here, he could even take direct control if he wanted... but that would be getting ahead of himself. First step would be to have Mizuki take control and understand how all the features work.
Starting small, then. He sends a ping through Dynamo—a mental blip neither words or sound, like a new piece of knowledge has simply been injected into mind. Mizuki is now acutely aware of where that brain chip is located (slightly above and behind the left eye) and exactly which Dynamo sent it (it's next to the door, past a privacy curtain and outside of Mizuki's line of sight, but it's there), as well as the exact number of milliseconds it took to send and receive the signal. There are other bits of raw code in the packet as well, identifiers and tracking data that he doesn't bother scrubbing... Add struggled with that kind of stuff for a long time, so obviously Mizuki won't understand it at all. He can be a little bit lazy.]
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Realistically, if Add wanted to take control, it wouldn’t have been hard. Mizuki trusts him implicitly, after all, and would give up his will freely. Much to the chagrin of We Many. And speaking of… well, the thing about fresh Seaborn being converted is that the hivemind is usual a gradual thing. A tickle in the back of your head into occasional whispers into small conversations and so on until the cacophony is finally at its peak. But Add is not being converted. Rather just introduced to the ocean of Mizuki’s mind.
At first, there’s silence.
The blip comes and Mizuki’s eyes widen a bit. It seems as though everything is in order — and Mizuki is so thoroughly and overflowing with delight he forgets altogether how to express himself in the moment. He just lies there staring at the ceiling. ]
… I… I think it… it worked??
[ …Then the waves stir.
His thoughts are not that streamlined. Mostly because, and maybe this will be abundantly obvious, they’re not all his thoughts. They certainly sound and feel like it, but there’s something different and off about each of them. A questioning of Mizuki’s misplaced devotion. A wonder if he’s simply peering in or fully inside. A demand to ask for everything Mizuki wants from this. Cries. Orders. Welcomes. It doesn’t register as words. It doesn’t register as feelings. It’s thoughts, but in such an abstract version of the word it makes you question what “thoughts” are.
And then there’s a calling. You’re different, too. ]
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... something about it seems off, but that's probably because the chip needs calibrating, right? Add hums quietly to himself, hand to his chin.
He shoots a message back, as per testing protocols. This time, the human influence is unmistakable—emotions and thought stripped down to a basic message, but there's roughness around the edges, tiny imprecisions, like uneven lines in paper cut by hand, filtered down through Dynamo. It sounds like Add, but only because he wants it to. It's not really words, not really sound, but instructions on how to replicate his words exactly.
Different in what way? I'm detecting some interference, so it may be from that.
There's another layer to it, stripped down even further to the most basic information and mixed with a touch of machine code: explain; confirm interference? A quicker form of communication that removes the need for actual words. A habit.]
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It's not quite oneness. It's not quite in his head. But this is probably the closest he's ever going to get (sans turning Add into a Seaborn) (this is not on the table for Mizuki) (We Many have other ideas). And he's not at all ungrateful for it. The opposite, in fact, since Mizuki shakes at the feeling, lifting his knees and near kicking against the operating table.
We Many isn't as excited. As far as We're concerned, this is yet another human who's encroached on Our territory without so much as a second thought. We don't express this distaste, however. We actually do seem accepting to Add, at least. Perhaps because one of the firstborns truly thinks this is fine? Or, perhaps because they're always willing to convert things to them on their own terms?
Again, thoughts are conveyed. Reaching out to Add in a unfamiliar way to Us, but We can work with this. In a vaguely, roughly translated way, there's a response.
Alone. This "you". It's alone. Unseen. Pointless. But We see you.
We see you.
You don't have to be alone anymore, with Us.
There's other sort of hard to grasp concepts in there. Becoming one with the hivemind, not needing these chips and having a less risky method, and things that vaguely go down that path, but it's a bit like trying to decipher a conversation heavily distorted by static. Mizuki either not paying any mind to the actual conversation or just way too enthralled this worked (it's probably this one) to notice anything, because he doesn't try to explain or stop We Many from trying to convert Add.
Instead he just leans excitedly off the operating table to lean into Add. He thinks as loudly as he can, hoping to somehow convey his thoughts through to Add. He doesn't know how to use it yet, but he wants to try. It works! It works, it works, it works! Can you hear me? You're here, you're here. Ehehe…
…
He can't help himself. This is the happiest he's felt in…??? Ever? And Add did it. How incredible. How amazing. Isn't Add the best? He's a hero and he's smart and he thinks Mizuki is so useful and is allowing all this and- and- and-
Mizuki sinks his teeth into Add's shoulder without any warning prior. ]
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Or Mizuki is doing something wrong... they should do more testing first. It would be foolish to backtrack now and try to fix a problem he can't identify.
Calling him alone, though, in that weird format—before it can even reach Add there's an automatic response, a series of six pings and a short wordless statement. Dynamo is here, so Add isn't alone! It is an understandable error, but one that still needs correcting. There's no change to the communications, exactly, but they are making sure their presence is known, that it is clear and understood that everything passes through Dynamo first. They are here. They see Add, and Mizuki as well.
It's a ping that also goes to Add, as a reminder... though the only reaction he shows is a slight raise of his eyebrows.
There's a lot going on, so there's no time for that anyway. He's still trying to make sense of the first half when Mizuki starts speaking back in that excited tone, and Add can't ignore how very different it sounds in comparison. Did he catch on that quickly? But there's still some of that odd signal in the back, and he can't shake that he's missing something—
A yelp, sharp blades sinking into flesh as Dynamo surrounds them both in seconds, alert, protective— ah, fuck, Mizuki is overstimulated again]
Mizuki. [He is not yelling, but that smile is strained to its limit as Add hisses through his teeth.
A command is sent before he can decide if it's a good idea or not. Simple, straightforward, a demand that rings louder than it has any right to: release. Apparently they are going to find out today if the mind control works.]
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Mizuki is way more focused on Add for the moment. The bad news for add is that Mizuki's willpower is kind of nuts - he's resisted the full corruption of the Seaborn gods so it's kind of hard to force the jellyfish to do anything
especially when you roll a 16, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't still listen. The opposite, as once he receives the command, he willingly opens his mouth to release Add's shoulder. Worry, concern, apologetic feelings flit about in his head as he presses his face just below the bite mark.Sorry.
Will a hug make it better? Add doesn't like touching, though. Wouldn't that make it worse? But Mizuki wants to touch. To hold. To never let go. Would that scare Add? Would he hate Mizuki? Would he try to take the chip out? Is this too much? He said he wouldn't do this again. Would Add not trust Mizuki? Sheepishly, he has to pry himself off Add, wrapping his arms around himself to not be tempted to smother Add. His tentacles don't get that luxury, though, as a few of them end up around Add's arms and ankles. Mizuki's doing well, basically! This tenfold obsession isn't going to be a problem, don't worry about it. ]
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He stiffens at the additional contact, but it's tolerable when he knows to expect it. The emotions take a moment longer to parse. Dynamo is used to deciphering emotions, but it's only ever been the other way around for Add. It's odd, being on the receiving end, even with a filter in place to act as a translator... would it feel more intense if he removed that filter...?
... ah, but that's a thought for later. There are tentacles coiling at his limbs—he has to draw a line somewhere, slipping one hand free to gently extract the other.]
You're fine, Mizuki, but please try to control yourself. [pausing to check his new bite wound, please hold...
Dynamo also falls back into a less defensive formation, a pair hovering closer to Mizuki's shoulders while the others assess Add's injury. They understand the worry and guilty. They also understand that Add isn't upset, at least not by a significant value. The drones emit a string of beeps, something that Mizuki may understand as a statement of reassurance, and—has he ever thought about what Add sees when he's doing a medical scan? They're willing to share, if it'll make Mizuki feel better.
He won't feel Add's pain, but the latest stream of data will make Mizuki acutely aware of the exact depth of each cut, the degree of inflammation, infection risk, blood loss, approximate pain level, recommended treatment, how long it should take to heal under various conditions... it's a pretty minor injury, despite the excessive amount of information. It'll be gone in a few days at most. He's going to clean it off and put some bandages on in a minute.
... anyway, Mizuki does seem to be catching on quickly. Add saves his breath with another semi-condensed message while he multitasks.
Still interference. What's this about?
and then he basically echoes back that whole "alone, unseen, pointless" bit, because Dynamo might be a little mad about it in their core. Also because it sounds even weirder on the replay. Since when does Mizuki say stuff like that??]
1/3
He does make more of an active effort, though. It's alright, Mizuki. Calm down, Mizuki. You just have to adjust, that's all. This is something you knew was coming, and it's alright to be excited, but don't let it spill over like that. Will this pep talk last? Who knows. He wants to do his best for Add, though. Even if he's never been all that good at regulating his emotions. We Many have problems with dealing with Mizuki's emotions, too-
Mizuki's attention almost instantly falls to Dynamo as two fall to his side. Oh, right, he'll be able to communicate more effectively with the small friends now, too!!! Honestly? He feels a little bad. He got so enthralled about linking with Add, he had been too tunnel-visioned… Should he express his thanks to them, too? Rather, of course he wants to, but it's not too late, right? It's so kind of them to let Mizuki be a part of this, too. He reaches a hand up to settle against the non-needle part of one of the small drones that floated by him, accompanied by small affectionate pings.
The information is admittedly a lot. All he ends up taking out of it is how incredible Dynamo is to gather all that within seconds of an injury, and how smart Add is to really translate all of that to what he needs to do. Mizuki's kind of out of his league here, right? He's not smart or can do anything real cool like Dynamo and… ]
2/3
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That's Us. [ Speaking out loud for this, because otherwise he's going to have a rough go of trying to keep any intervening out of his thoughts. ] Not interference. Didn't know We'd be heard, too. That makes sense.
… Sorry, let me try that again. That's We- I- [ Hard to talk about Himself… Ourself in the "people" tongues like this. He's doing his best. ] …the… Many? The… "Collective". [ … ] Seaborn. We are all connected personally with Our… err… I don't know what you would call them. Gods, perhaps?
Is that an issue, Doctor Add?
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Hopefully that feeling of want and camaraderie balances out how Add's eye narrows, soaking in the verbal information. Analyzing, comparing to past discussions... really, he feels kind of stupid for not guessing something like this sooner. Mizuki had an interest in hiveminds for a reason. He called himself "we" once before, as well...
A factor Add hadn't considered. He jumped into things too quickly. The doctor sighs, pressing a hand to his temples.]
You didn't think to mention this sooner? [he is not relaying any emotions right now, thanks, but the frustration is still evident. the dynamo next to him beeps, a private reminder, and he sighs out some of the tension] No, I should've asked. It's hardly a unique situation, so there's no excuse for not checking. I wasn't thorough enough...
[Introducing something like the Overmind chip, to an existing hivemind with its own communication methods and hierarchy... it's difficult enough to integrate with one mind, but a collective? He could've caused some real, serious damage. The responsible thing to do would be to put a hold on everything, put off future testing until he can be certain of the safety of all parties...
but. he does feel guilty, but there's still that but.
he... actually did this, didn't he? despite missing critical information, he actually... his Overmind chip worked, and it functions with minimal interference, despite having more than one consciousness in a single connected party?
The responsible thing would be to put everything on hold... but, ah, that would make Mizuki upset, wouldn't it? So really, the better choice is—]
Is there any discomfort? I can make adjustments to the communications frequency, but I'm not sure if I can prevent it from picking up other consciousnesses. Is it an issue for you?
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…He messed up again, hadn't he?
There's an apologetic tap against Dynamo as he retreats into himself again, wrapping his arms around himself and staring at the floor. This isn't exactly something he could apologize for. He is sorry, though. He hadn't meant to make things difficult or complicated for Add. The opposite, actually. He really did want to do everything he could to make this process as easy as he could! And even though he's happy, he should consider things from Add's perspective. Empathy has never been his strong point. He's been trying really hard. ]
Huh? Oh, no, it's fine. We're alright. [ Mizuki's never wanted a world without We Many in his head, of course. He just, you know, wants that sense of oneness with people he loves, too. Maybe that, too, is also selfish? ] You're… I didn't mess up? I don't wanna cause any complications, Doctor Add…
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Add himself remains focused. Dynamo can handle the emotions at play—the facts are for him to dissect and understand.]
This is a complication, and I would've preferred to know in advance... but it's not something I can't work with.
What should I call them? "The Many"? [is that what he said before?] Or... hm, I suppose that would be making an assumption... is Mizuki an individual within the collective, or would the collective as a whole be considered "Mizuki"? For example, I would consider myself individual connected with Dynamo, but Dynamo is composed of six units that act in tandem. It would be strange to identify each Dynamo unit as if they were individuals, although they're all capable of making individual decisions while separated... I can also perceive and act through them, but they are not exactly the same as "Add" even under those conditions. We act together, but maintain separate identities. Is it something like that, or closer to Dynamo's collectiveness?
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We're called "the Swarm" or just "Seaborn" by people not within our connection. You can use "We Many," if you would like. I'm a part of you, after all, but it's not a requirement.
As for who… Mizuki is within the collective… [ That's a little harder to explain… ] A short answer would be that "I" have an abnormal amount of individuality as you describe, despite the fact We have cut all ties to the Aegir I once was. An anomaly that has not proven to be an issue, thus there's been no reason to look into it.
A longer answer, We… are the will of the Seaborn, but that will is not a continuous stream throughout Us. The Firstborn all are the ones who dictate our… "guidelines". The thing that manifests as Our will. All four are supposed to have an equal "weight" within the collective, but…
…I had been following the will of the Arbor for so long — its teachings that I've learned within the Church and what its Bishop had told me — but truthfully the Arbor's voice hasn't been heard for a very, very long time outside of its grieving. It's hard to say for sure if I'm doing the right thing or not, but I do my best to say my peace on its behalf when I can.
[ "I play a messenger for my god to the other gods." "Oh so that god is telling you what to say?" "No, I'm just sort of estimating." ]
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Mizuki, formerly of the Aegir, joined to the Seaborn hivemind (AKA the Swarm, AKA We Many). Presumably there are other Seaborn individuals of similar rank (but less individuality?). "Firstborn" (Gods?) at the (highest?) rank above. If Mizuki is the only Seaborn in their current location, there may be fragments of the Firstborn embedded in each individual? (he prods, slightly, at that thought, as if to feel out the presence within Mizuki's mind) The Arbor (a Firstborn?) has been absent (grieving? missing? quiet? needs specifics). Mizuki follows the Arbor's teachings (what teachings?) speaks on its behalf (elevated to Firstborn rank?)
(... a brief aside, left unfinished as if Add didn't mean to share, but if Add is connected to Mizuki and Mizuki's hivemind is this complex...)
There's a lot to comb through, but he gets the gist of it.]
So these "Firstborn" are the overseers within the collective, if I understand correctly. They have individuality in the sense that they stand for different aspects of the collective will, but aim for a balance in order to lead the masses... an interesting approach. [not how he'd do it, but he can work with this, probably.]
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his his hisAdd in his head like this. The only difference between this and We Many is the fact that this sort of connectedness is a lot easier to tell which thoughts are Add's and which are his own. It's not… completely a sense of Oneness, like with the Seaborn. But it's closer than he ever thought he'd get with someone that didn't join Us like that. And it's so intoxicating just thinking about it like that. He can't help the less-than-lucid giggle that comes out. A hand reaches up to brush some of his hair back and just… hold clumps of it tightly. His other pulls at the longer strands that dangle down. Something to distract him that wasn't just biting something again.Excitement aside, of course, Mizuki does very fluidly get a handle on everything. Which is why he answers less with words and more with thoughts, images, memories… anything to help streamline this for Add. He asked questions, after all, so surely it's fine to tell him all this? Firstly, Add will get to see more of his kin — the Seaborn. Add will note that there's quite a variety of them, ranging from plant-like to cephalopodic to many others that all evolved and adapted to new environment. The ones that are more humanoid are still nowhere near as "normal" as Mizuki. There doesn't seem to be a solid "ranking" system in place, really, aside from the Firstborns, but there is the loose knowledge that some Seaborn do have thoughts of their own that happen to intermingle into the hivemind. Others do not.
Then, he'll show Add the Church. His home, for most of his life, anyway. A Seaborn church, but one specifically dedicated to the Caerula Arbor, with only vague depictions of it painted along the wall. Some of it just drawings of trees, some of it stars, some of it nonsensical scribbles — but it all conveys the same sense that the Arbor controls the waves and tides of the ocean. A God, by all accounts. This church worships the growth of… everything. Of oneself, of the world, of bonds, of community, of progress, of existence. A clarification here… Mizuki will finally interject, The Arbor… functionally, died. It's body, anyway. Our consciousness will always live on in We Many, but We still hear nothing but sadness from it.
Images of a man (caretaker, my old man!, the Bishop) gives Mizuki a sort of branch-y flesh. Mizuki eats it. "You are what you eat" in perhaps the most literal sense of it. Though, Add will get the sense you would have to eat quite a lot of it in one sitting to "turn" Seaborn like Mizuki. It is less that there are fragments, and more We are extensions of the Firstborn. It's why it's hard to explain why… there's "me" and "Us" because… it's all… the same. "They're" thoughts are "mine" and vice versa. The Arbor's teachings are just as much part of Us as any of the other Firstborn.
Being a messenger doesn't make you a god, anyway. (
80s laugh track) ]…Was that too much? I can start talking now if you'd like. [ Ugh, he probably overdid it… ] Um, there's four of them to hold up Our ideals: "Growth" "Reproduction" "Migration" "Survival".
after fam meet/being carried home
Either way, Elsword's anger, while not forgotten, can't be felt as powerfully. No matter what room they're in, he's dragging three comforters out of the wardrobe and piling them onto the bed, where he — about as tactile as Mizuki, frankly — expects them to be cuddled up soon. It's a blanket nest.
Leon will come in after a moment and chuff and invite himself up here, too.]
...I don't think you're any of the things she said you are, for what it's worth.
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What, that I'm not Seaborn? [ A soft, strained laugh. ] …It's alright. She has every right to be upset with me. We did do all of those things. Iberians call it "the Profound Silence". "Worse than any Catastrophe, any war — the greatest tragedy to befall Terra."
Isn't that what monsters cause?
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[Elsword knows Mizuki won't understand if he just leaves it there, so he tries to scrape the bottom of the barrel of his memory for an anecdote. Eventually, he settles on:]
My friends Lu and Ciel are demons. Demons contributed to the destruction of Velder back home. But it wasn't them who did it, it was others in their race. The Fire Master is half-demon. He's trying to save the world, not destroy it.
...my friend Ain has done some pretty horrible stuff, for an angel. He's hurting, and so he hurts others, and I usually had to stop him from doing those things. I'm an angel now, too. Do you think I deserve to be lumped in with people who did horrible things, just because we're the same race?
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[ He… shouldn't be telling this to Elsword. It's not fair, when they're stuck together like this. He's going to leave, isn't he? ]
It would not be like if you, an angel, were judged on the behalf of all angels, it would be more like if your fingers would be judged for being part of "Elsword". We are a collective, all merely extensions of the firstborn.
…
Sometimes it's hard to differentiate "their" thoughts from "mine". It's why I have such a hard time picking the right options. Listening to them can be… an issue.
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[yeah sorry you're not gonna change his mind that easily. It's Elsword. Once he likes you, it takes a lot to change that.]
I'm not talking to We Many. I'm talking to my friend, "Mizuki". If there's no singular "you", then why do "you" have a name? You just said you have your own thoughts, too. Can I just talk to "Mizuki"?
[...]
Mizuki. [Elsword takes Mizuki's hands in his. Are they cold? His sure are.] Did you cause the Profound Silence? You as in Mizuki. Just you. Were you there to destroy Miss Irene's home?
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… But We suppose corruption is not incorrect, either? [ Hhh… he doesn't like that thought. He coils some of his tendrils around Elsword and simply holds him closer. Hi, you're not getting away anymore. He won't allow it. ]
The Mizuki you've been talking to has always been part of the Swarm since you've known Us. And ever since I was seven. I was saved. We saved. I was definitely going to bleed out that night, but We gave a second chance at life.
… That said, I was born far after the Silence ever happened.
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Elsword's shoulders sag with relief. The tentacles winding around him are welcome, like a slimy hug, and Elsword returns the touch in his own way — cupping Mizuki's face in his hands, looking into his eyes, and sighing.]
I knew "you" weren't a bad person. [He murmurs quietly in the gloom, or, well, what little there is considering both of them glow in the dark.] It's not your fault. The current... You Many [no] didn't do it. Maybe you guys did in the past, but you guys... You Many [elsword] didn't do it when Mizuki was with you. And Mizuki didn't do anything wrong.
[For what it's worth, Elsword manages a thin, forced smile.]
She called you— Mizuki— a monster. I still think she's wrong for that, when you had nothing to do with it.
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…It doesn't really… [ How to say, "I see you, I love you, you're a bit dumb" but in a Mizuki kind of way- He should probably just let this slide because he has no idea how to explain this to someone who can't understand. ] It's a lot more complicated than I'm explaining it to be... sorry.
She has every right to be angry. The Inquisition has opposed Us since their conception, and she is very devout. Even if her perception isn't entirely clear or correct, We lied. To avoid conflict, sure, but it is a lie all the same.
Please don't be upset with her.
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This is fine, though. He can run his thumbs over Mizuki's knuckles and look down at their intertwined hands and wonder why Mizuki simply wants the world to be mad at him. Why Irene is mad at him. In a way, he supposes he gets it. Lots of Elrians are demon-racist even though Not All Demons destroyed kingdoms and waged wars. Lots of Elrians are half-elf racist for no discernable reason. Someone gets wronged once, and that's it; that entire population of people are now the enemy.
It's not a very forward way of thinking, though. That's Elsword's entire problem with it.]
...no. I'm going to be upset with her. I haven't been that angry in a long time, and that's her fault, because of what she did.
[In a way, that feeling of unbridled rage is a good thing. It means that all hope isn't lost for Elsword being his own person somehow, in all of this. In a way, it's also a terrible thing, but he really and truly draws the line at someone close to him being hurt, and Irene has a penchant thus far for attacking Elsword's favourite people. Is it a reflection on who he chooses to spend time with, or a reflection on her? Both?
Those aren't questions he wants to answer right now.]
She hurt you. She called you a monster in front of everybody. She accused you of doing things you didn't do, even though you've been nothing but kind the whole time. [And though he missed what Lancer was saying as they were leaving, know that Elsword can and will shove a man through a window.] She doesn't see you how I see you. It doesn't give her the right to slice you with her sword and accuse you of terrible things you weren't even around for.
1/2
But he doesn't want to leave Elsword or Add behind. He's pretty sure if they hated him, it might actually crush his heart.
Elsword's cold fingers run over his knuckles and Mizuki just ends up staring at their hands for a while. Part of him wants to fuss over Elsword, tell him that it's way too cold and that he really needs to keep exposed skin under the blankets. They might not have a space heater, but Mizuki can go grab his undying lantern for some amount of heat, maybe? That would require moving, though, so… nevermind. That's off the table.
The part of him that wins is the part that is all too observant of how Elsword's skin feels. How rough his fingers are, yet how gentle the touch is anyway. How much smaller Mizuki’s hands are than his, and somehow how perfectly that means they fit. Mizuki’s hands aren’t warm by any means either, but there’s still something incredibly sweet about this that makes it feel like they are. He squeezes Elsword’s hands then very gingerly guides them under the covers once he’s realized he’s been staring for far too long. ]
…I was never in any danger. She didn’t explain herself well back there — she just wanted to know the color of Our blood. If it was red, she wouldn’t have reacted that way. She even would’ve apologized…
…Elsword, we all see people differently. Our experiences shape us. You are a hero, you want to see the best in people. You see good in Us.
Were it up to Us, We would fix that Illuminous Phenomenon for you, too.
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Mizuki, you’ve been going about this all wrong. Talking it down, negotiating, trying to make people happy with diplomacy… Elsword is different. His emotions aren’t there — We can fix that. We can fix that corruption, too. All of it.
…
He leans in, as if he didn’t just get onto Elsword for getting to close moments again so he could press his forehead against Elsword’s. ]
We could make you feel things again, Elsword. It wouldn’t be hard, and we’d always be together so we’d never have to worry about the forest being in your head anymore…
[ The tendrils are squeezing Elsword perhaps a little uncomfortably. Nothing too tight, but certainly enough that it’s not quite a nice hug anymore.
A couple tentacles lick over Elsword’s neck and cheeks. ]
Would you like that?
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[Mizuki's forehead presses to his, and Elsword freezes up. His hands stop moving along Mizuki's, warming under the blankets. He swears for a moment he stops breathing, the world coming to a standstill. The sound of the storm outside their window is a distant, static din, and Elsword's previously-dim halo lights up just a touch more. It's no flashbang. It's certainly not going to blind the two of them while they sit together and breathe in short, quick breaths between them, warm air that comes out in puffs of white due to the ambient chill.
Somehow, Elsword doesn't feel much colder. Is it the three comforters, the lion, or Mizuki that's making that true? It's probably all three, but he prefers to think, in this instance, it's just Mizuki.]
I don't think I'll ever be normal. Between you, Add, and the mirror, maybe I'll be okay, but nothing's gonna come back full-strength. I accepted that. And I accept your offer to join you, too. But I still feel a little here and there, like getting mad at Irene, and...
[The tentacles on his neck tickle his skin. Elsword takes a deep breath, unbothered, and resolutely squeezes Mizuki's hands in his. So soft, so pretty, so delicate even though he knows Mizuki is far from it.
His eye flutters shut.]
...I figured out what love feels like, too.
[...]
That day you kissed me, I wasn't rejecting you, by the way. I just wanted to wait to see if Add would be okay if we included another person.
[Elsword brushes their noses together briefly, then... then he tilts his head, but he doesn't move much further. There's the slimmest space between them, a hair's breadth, enough space so that he can feel the air leaving Mizuki's lungs and nothing more.]
Stop me now if I'm about to go too far, Mizuki.
cw: biting
He wants to laugh and tease him and let him know they can take baby steps. To tell him to talk to Add. To tell him to ask to join the experiment he's working on with regards to that. But he doesn't get the chance to when Elsword just keeps going, and brings up that he understands love. Immediately after, he talks about when Mizuki kissed him.
…
This breaks Mizuki, really. The tentacles loosen a bit on him. Why would Elsword bring that up at all? He seems to be going from Point A to Point F without the other steps in between, right? Why are those correlated. There was a pause, right? Maybe he was just moving on from that part of the conversation. Mizuki hadn't even put his two cents in yet, but- ah. Included another person, what? …Him?
……………………………………Huh?????
Whatever weird, unhinged shit Mizuki was about to start spewing about Elsword's perfection and joining the hivemind is promptly caught in his throat. He could try to laugh this off. What is he thinking? He's Add's. Why would he be in love with anyone else? Add's perfect - he's perfect. Mizuki isn't. He doesn't want to cause any more problems, after all. He's done enough of that tonight.
But Elsword is so close, and Mizuki's heartbeat is drowning out even We Many's thoughts at this point. He takes in a shaky breath in an attempt to say something, but…? He doesn't know how to respond. Stop him? Stop him??? He should, but…??? But??????????
…
There's no warning when Mizuki moves from in front of Elsword into his collar instead. There's even less warning when his teeth pierce and dig into the flesh there. ]
biting thread 2 electric boogaloo (no one read this)
Ow—
[Elsword sucks in a sharp breath, squeezing Mizuki's hands in his a little tighter on instinct. He didn't forget that those teeth were razors, but man, it feels like he's being reminded all of a sudden. Mizuki just has knives in his mouth. That's fine.
Eventually, the pain starts to ebb, and Elsword exhales a low, stuttered sigh. It's just a pinch now. It'll hurt when he takes his teeth out, but for now...
For now, Elsword can feel hot blood dripping over his skin, pooling against his collarbone before soaking into his shirt. Ah, that's gonna be a pain to get out... maybe he won't even bother. Maybe he'll just keep this shirt for a rag or something next time he inevitably gets injured, or he'll cut the bloody parts out of it and turn it into a balled-up rag for Leon. Heimr seems to have plenty of plain shirts in the store, after all.]
...take your time. I'm not goin' anywhere.
[no bro you super are not because Moder will shove you back in through your window]
idk it's fine at least he's not being horny abt it like SOME ppl
So, okay, biting is just going to have to be a consequence he deals with later. Besides, Elsword's so warm, and his skin is so soft, and Mizuki just sort of melts against him as he rests his teeth where they are. Sorry for the hurt, Elsword. But, look at the bright side, you'll have such a pretty scar there. This seems to be what Mizuki thinks, anyway. Something so lovely from Mizuki to never forget him by. A mark on his collar like it's a page in a journal, rather than literal teeth digging into his skin.
Realistically, though? At the end of this, it doesn't help Mizuki come to a conclusion. Rather, the only thing that comes out of this is a bite wound on Elsword and a very blue face on Mizuki. His face is incredibly hot, it's a wonder steam isn't coming off to combat the cold. Mizuki doesn't pull his teeth out slowly, knowing that would hurt more than just pulling them our quickly. Sorry, he still doesn't know how to use the moon magic to heal properly yet, Elsword. He can bandage that after his stupid stammering. ]
…I don't want to stop you. [ Cool, okay, good start. ] But- But I can't let you get in trouble because… because of something like this. Of me. I-I'm not… [ Important. ] …But I don't… I don't know what the right thing to do is…
[ Hhhh… ]
Sorry. I'm sorry. Let me go get bandages.
idk bro he might be-
[
lavvy said it was okaythey're going to be hiveminded soonElsword is weirdly confident in that assertion, in fact. He's pretty sure they're not about to be chastised. He's like, pretty sure Add would also kiss Mizuki on the mouth, the only problem being he's Add and Add can be a little squirrelly about relationships. But they're not talking about Add right now. They are talking about the hole in Elsword's goddamn shoulder, still bleeding steadily....
Yeah, he'll live. That's not enough blood loss to kill him.]
Sorry. If nothing else happens between us, that's fine, but at least let me get this out of my system first.
["Get what out of your system, Elsword?" one might ask, and it's too late, because Elsword surges forward to grab Mizuki's face, freeing his hands from under the blankets, and pulls him into a languid but firm kiss.
There's still blood on Mizuki's lips that drips into Elsword's mouth, a sharp copper tang, sloppy and wet and gross. None of that deters him, though. None of it. He has to kiss Mizuki while he's still got an emotion in his chest or he thinks he's gonna fucking explode.]
no he's just in love Wolfie—
I'm not a hero. I mess everything up. You deserve so much better.
Mizuki doesn't air any of these concerns because he knows damn well he wants Elsword to kiss him. If he says it's okay, then isn't it okay? He just wants Elsword to be happy. He just wishes he were any good at making people happy, is all.
There's still blood on his lips, and he's sure he'd been drooling while his teeth were attached to Elsword, too. He's a mess, he feels like crying, and their lips don't find purchase on one another very well.
And yet, Mizuki is completely enamored, anyway.
Elsword will feel the tentacles writhe against him, coming to life with Mizuki's adoration, and maybe if he pays attention to the feeling he'll notice they're tracing little hearts against Elsword. And, well, the kiss gets mildly better when Mizuki finally melts against him and actually returns it. Somehow, despite their first kiss being way better in terms of… well, literally almost everything — they weren't freezing, Elsword's hands weren't cold, while their was still "wet gooey mess" on them, it 1) wasn't blood and 2) wasn't really on their face, Mizuki wasn't being a complete idiot about it, and there was some… "tact" to it — it still paled in comparison to this one. Almost certainly because of the absolute delight Mizuki's drowning in, and the fact that he's not going to freak out when Elsword pulls away.
And, yes, when Elsword pulls away, because as far as Mizuki's concerned, he can just stay like this for the rest of the night, thanks. Hope Elsword is fine with getting cocooned for the hundredth time this month because the tendrils are not letting him go. Someone should've told Elsword that when Mizuki catches you, he's simply stuck there forever.
This will only prove to a problem in due time. ]
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He kisses Mizuki with renewed fervour, clinging with equal intensity, minus the extra limbs of course. Maybe it's too far, to slip his tongue beyond Mizuki's lips and kiss him like this. Maybe he shouldn't lick his own blood out of Mizuki's mouth, but fuck if he hasn't tasted it before from the amount of times he's been punched in the mouth, fuck if he wasn't spitting it up the other day when he and Wolfwood beat each other up. He can't bring himself to care about the details when all he wants to do is kiss Mizuki stupid.
Oxygen, though, is still necessary. They part with a wet "pop", blood and saliva smeared over the both of them, and Elsword bonks their foreheads together in an affectionate gesture.]
You're still not a monster to me, [he finally says.] I wouldn't kiss you like that if I thought you were.
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It's not fair, though, is it? Elsword doesn't understand what Mizuki is. Elsword probably feels better abound Mizuki without knowing why. How cruel, then, that he's allowing this. How cruel that he doesn't want to stop. How cruel, how cruel. Mizuki knows full well all these thoughts are his own, too, since We Many has absolutely 0 stake in romantic endeavors. Unless he intends to make Elsword part of the Swarm, anyway, We're just going to stay mostly silent. Which is honestly probably worse, since it means Mizuki has to figure this out quite literally on his own. He doesn't know how.
You're still not a monster to me, he says. I know, Mizuki wants to say back. To be fair, Mizuki also doesn't truly think he's a monster — he believes We Many to be people just as much as anyone else here or on Terra. They are simply treated poorly because of a very unfortunate series of events. But he'd be lying if he didn't feel like one right now. And he'd also be lying if he thought that he couldn't do something completely heinous at this point and have Elsword think any less of him. It's what heroes do, right? They just see good in people and want to believe the best in them.
Maybe he doesn't have to think that hard about it, actually. Maybe he just has to accept that Elsword is happy, and therefore he should try his best to keep that going. That's all Mizuki wanted, anyway — for the people he cares about to be happy.
So he's going to nudge Elsword on his back so the blood can stop oozing from his collar like that and drag the three comforters with him on top, and after wiping away the blood on his lips, he licks clean the remnants on Elsword's. Only when it's gone does he press a passionate, less bloody kiss against him. ]
crashes in here
Add is here now (by proxy). Mizuki's tracking data updated awhile ago, but he still hasn't reported the meeting results! And Add could just ask for an update and politely wait, sure, but how is he supposed to do that when Mizuki's physical record is showing he's been stabbed?? As a result, there is only a brief pause between Add pinging in for a checkup and deciding to simply patch himself in to the hivemind. Dynamo is still acting as his VPN, but there's a distinct Add-ness to how the AI spreads their mental tendrils, mindful of the Many while still shameless prodding at Mizuki's private thoughts. Prying for information, Elsword, the taste of blood, conflicting emotion—
It's a lot to process, but he can multitask. Concern is etched into his message, not quite a command (he can find it himself, if need be).
Meeting? Status report? Injury? On my way. Layered in the data is Add's own tracking information. He's already halfway out the lab door on a beeline to their house, Dynamo will arrive first by a small margin. Mizuki has approximately 2 minutes to explain.]
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He relays back to Add: I'm okay. Got hurt, but it's healed over mostly. Just a small cut. Learned about the shards. I can halt the forest's corruption in Elsword now, though I can't get rid of it. Most of the other information is stuff we knew from the prior meeting. I mentioned something I shouldn't have, though, and it made Irene question if I was Aegir. She cut me to see if my blood was blue. I don't think she intended to really hurt me.
Elsword got upset that Irene cut me, and there was a lot of yelling, so I brought him home away from the Inn. I was a little upset about being outed as Seaborn in front of everyone, and she had said some very upsetting — if correct — things about me, so my emotions got the better of me.
Things sort of escalated. I kissed Elsword…
…Sorry I let my emotions get way too ahead of me. ]
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that's it that's the tag]
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no, okay, slow down. The stream of communication suddenly cuts out, if only for a second. Think logically. Mizuki is being truthful right now, just like before. Apologetic, even. He's not a threat to Add.
Focus on the facts. He'll be there shortly, regardless.
Communication resumes, slightly calmer than before. He's prying less, trying not to show his own uncertainty.
Noted. Is Irene a threat? (if she is, he'll kill her, he's unwilling to lose someone as valuable as Mizuki) Re: Elsword, who initiated?
There's something in the signal that echoes of "this is Elsword's fault" without meaning to, he just knows it must be.]
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While Mizuki was absolutely on board with lying and saying it's his fault, it's not so easy to filter out his thoughts, so… uh, oh well! Probably better in the long run, anyway. He shouldn't be keeping secrets from his commander like that.
Not a threat. He did. Then I did? I bit him and so the first kiss was all bloody and I felt bad about it because I didn't want it to be a horrible kiss—
sorry. It's not his fault, I didn't stop him.
Just… you know, gonna climb off of Elsword now. Sorry, buddy. ] Add is… um. Add's on his way over.
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[Elsword has no fucking idea he's about to be in goddamn trouble, so:]
I was hoping he'd get out of the lab at some—
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Hello! He has arrived!! There is wind and snow howling out of that hole and also Add's arm. He brushes some of the glass off the windowsill before delicately, somewhat pointlessly, unlocking the window... and then pulling it open normally. He then steps off his remaining dynamos like this is a normal way to enter a building.
There is no time to address the glass on the floor, the snow blowing in and falling off Add's shoulders, how they are going to repair that window tonight, priority number one—]
So, what happened to talking to me first? Or is that only when it's convenient for you?! [the needles are out and boy are there sparks lighting up this room right now, he's Pissed, answer carefully
(after a slight delay, there's still a response to Mizuki's inquiries, because Dynamo is a very good secretary: Noted. Noted. No apology required. Handling it. Please hold.)]
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And then he just... points a finger at Mizuki and speaks thus, with the wisdom of ages:]
Don't you want to kiss him too?
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[This might be Elsword confusing Science Emotion with Love Emotion but they're kind of the same for Add sooooooo can you blame him]
You can have a kiss from me too! [elsword—]
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Cold? The bed's warm. I'll grab bandages for Elsword.
And maybe it's also an excuse to get out of here, but he'll worm himself away to go get some disinfectant and such for Elsword's bite wound. ]
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[Anger gives way to fluster, as much as he tries not to let it show... but really, it's not about Mizuki. It's about how little Elsword seems to care about kissing whoever he pleases. What does that make Add? If he's not special, if it really is just how Elsword treats everyone... what's he supposed to feel, if Elsword could live without him? If he could one day move on?
His eye flicks over to Mizuki... and he hisses out a sigh, folding his arms tightly to his chest. Dynamo hums loudly to combat the blowing cold.
I'll fix it, followed by a mental map of exactly which corner of which drawer he keeps the first aid supplies. Traces of something bitter leak through, emotions he can't quite strip away. Not completely.]
... Is it because I'm too busy? You don't see me enough? If it's too difficult to come to the lab—if you said something before I could've made different plans, but I can still make adjustments. Am I not doing something correctly? Just tell me what it is, and I'll fix it.
[he's not good enough, that must be why Elsword sought out affection from Mizuki... but he can still fix it. he can be better.]
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Add, I'm not... a needy person. I'm pretty sure, anyway. [Usually you can just set Elsword down and let him be around people, and that's good enough for him. He's like a chinchilla.] If you're busy, you're busy, but that doesn't mean I love you less. I bring you food and try to drag you home when you and Mr. Gnosis are sleeping on the desks in the lab...
[Chinhands, with his... uh... good hand...? "Good"?]
...I wouldn't do that if I didn't care.
[...]
I'm not trying to... betray you or anything like that. Add— you're good enough for me. You don't have to change or do anything differently. Keep doing what you're doing, it's my fault for being impulsive. I thought you'd be okay with...
[Gestures in a circle with his hand. You know.]
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He really loves Elsword. He knows that now. And he'd be lying if he said he didn't have similar feelings for Add. He'll swallow those swiftly in favor of "casually" feeding his thoughts into mindlink. Specifically that of when he got a little ahead of himself. He'd mentioned being able to take away that pain and simply have Elsword become One with him. How that could make it so Elsword could feel things easier like that. Admittedly, at the time, he was absolutely thinking about the Seaborn, but… is becoming One not also this link he has with Add?
A thought, then, if Elsword said yes to that — and he did — would he not be willing to hear Add out for that idea?
…Just some food for thought~.
He comes back with the first aid materials and brings them over to Add before the two of them start arguing because of something he did for a second time… ]
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Everything tangles in his chest, trying to grasp what words to say, how to make Elsword do what he wants... but he's also multitasking, and suddenly that secondary task is a lot more important he agreed to what now
There is an intensity behind Add's gaze, staring down Elsword like he just said something completely insane (he did, kind of). Dynamo draws in around him, crackling sparks. It's... less threatening, somehow. More defensive. Nervous.
... Elsword didn't know what he was saying yes to, though, and that's so like him to agree blindly without understanding the situation, but... another moment comes to mind, I wish you could feel how I felt about you.
there is a feeling of hhrrrhghgh in the depths of the hivemind]
Let me see your shoulder. [briskly clearing the gap from the bed to the window, don't change the subject? sorry, that was only for Elsword, Add is allowed to change the subject, he's going to heal this first. Mizuki pass him the fucking bandages]
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There is also blood on his lips from where he was licking it out of Mizuki's mouth like a fucking freak, don't... don't worry about that, okay.]
It's not that bad. It's like the last time I got bitten.
[Man who gets bitten on the daily by his freak-ass friend group: it's fine they're not actually rabid]
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Please, he just wants to fix this. He doesn't want them to fight. He's sorry, truly. Tonight was just… hard on him, emotionally. People finding out that he's a
monsterfreakSeaborn meant that there was a lot of self-deprecating stuff running through his head. Nothing he believes, of course, but that didn't mean it wasn't there, briefly. A lapse in judgement. It felt nice to be wanted. To be loved. He wants to kiss Elsword again and hold his hands, but if Add doesn't want that, he won't.But what he won't let slide by is this. Being One with both his heroes???? Absolutely not. So after Add has the bandages, Mizuki looks directly at Elsword, and very bluntly tells him what he was hoping Add would: ]
If you could have us both be in your head, and you got to feel all the stuff we feel without it just being the bad, you would want that, wouldn't you?
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Add sputters like an old motor. There are alarms blaring in his mind, and over the mindlink there is a resounding WHY ARE YOU TELLING HIM THAT? This is NOT part of the plan! This isn't part of any plan!! What the fuck!! He wasn't ready for this!!!
In his panic he spills half the bottle of disinfectant onto Elsword's wound. It is for sure disinfected now, at least.]
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Yeah. Then I could keep tabs on you guys when you go into the woods next. [Normal behaviour.] And then Add can know that I think he's perfect the way he is, and Mizuki can know I don't think he's a monster like Irene does. So yeah.
I want to feel the stuff that makes you guys happy, too.
[He has half an idea what he's agreeing to here, but it caught Add off-guard... has Mizuki already offered for Add to join We Many, maybe? That would make sense, since hiveminds are supposed to add more... minds... to the hive. Or something like that.]
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You are, unfortunately, not the first person to intensely yell in Mizuki's mind, Add. Though, admittedly, the fact that this is yelling and not eldritch shrieking means he's at least a little more sympathetic. But also? He adores you, Add, and has a disgusting amount of loyalty towards you, yet right now even he thinks you're being far too anxious.
Please listen to Elsword. It's important to hear about his wants, too. That's kind of the whole point of being in a relationship. ]
So you would want that? To be with us, to have our thoughts with yours, our emotions together, a oneness and complete integration with one another?
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[Elsword please understand what you're asking for challenge.]
As much as it sucked to feel only people's bad emotions that one month, [whatever month that was, it was one of them, Elsword has lost track,] I was... okay with it, in a weird way. It let me know you were safe, and I was able to find Mizuki when he was injured. Stuff like that.
[It goes back to Elsword's need to Constantly protect other people, even if it'll be actively detrimental to his wellbeing. How is he supposed to jump in front of a bullet if he can't find y'all? Checkmate, atheists.]
1/2
[He'd fallen quiet, between the shock and the disbelief, but he regains his composure enough to interject. Is this exchange, is Elsword's consent supposed to make him happy? Can it be that easy? All he had to do was ask?
Of course not. He sighs, exasperated, and roughly pulls down Elsword's shirt to access the shoulder. This is faster
(and less distracting)than making his strip. He is going to treat this bitewound, thanks...]Ignoring the risks that come with invasive surgery, complications and rejection by the body, having to adapt to a new method of communication that may be uncomfortable or difficult to use... modifications of this nature are permanent, I would hope you'd ask more questions before impulsively agreeing to something you don't understand. There won't be any "changing your mind" later.
[There's more. He knows there's more, but he still hesitates, staring down as he wraps the wound... he's thought about this one. There are a few different approaches he can take, he doesn't have to say anything at all, but is it better if he can explain it away with a good excuse? That leaves less risk in the long term, right? He doesn't have to lie about it. He can be more honest about why it has to stay a secret... he may even be able to test it openly. But there's always a risk. If Elsword gets suspicious, disagrees, blurts it out to someone by mistake...
he shouldn't say it at all. it could be his trump card. something no one could expect, not even the Forest.
... ah, the Forest can hear through him, can't it? maybe... it would even think of this as a mistake. allowing Elsword into their minds, and it by extension...]
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Slowly, his mouth widens to a crooked smile, worries giving way to sharp focus.
A surprise. Yes, this can be the surprise. A gift of total control, wrested away from something vile and unworthy...]
... electromagnetic frequency is bad for plants. I wonder... will it wilt if I make you mine?
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needscraveshungers forwants Elsword in his head as well. Something just sort of took hold of him in that moment. Maybe it was just the fact he didn't want Add upset, or maybe this was just a convenient way to get Mizuki's wants out of the way, or maybe the emotional peaks and drops tonight have all just left Mizuki with the emotional comprehension equivalence of static snow.Or maybe he really is a monster? Who's to say for sure.
Whatever the reason is doesn't matter now, though. It's fixed itself! Clearly Add being a weird little freak is actually a positive thing to Mizuki, who is also a known weird little freak, so this is all good! He's not sure if he should excuse himself now, though? It's getting really cold, even if the storm is letting up a bit. He could be doing anything that would be more productive than just sitting there, but he doesn't… want to. He wants to get back under the covers and cuddle with Elsword. He wants to keep watching his heroes be the perfect couple (sources: Mizuki). He wants Add to tell him "You're mine, too" and everything to just magically work out for once tonight.
What he needs is to just sleep. He's so emotionally exhausted he can't even find it in him to be excited about the thing he wants most in the world. Or, well, that's not entirely true. There's still some emotional bubbling inside. He's… jealous, he thinks. Or guilty? Maybe it's just residual panic from the meeting. All of the above? There's just a weird gross cocktail of Yuck that sits in his stomach, and maybe he's just waiting for that to die down.
…There's a brief apology to Dynamo. They're dealing with his anxiety, right? He's okay! Things have just been a whole lot tonight. He can put on a smile now, though. Things will settle and everything is going to be alright. Just as always! He just needs to stop being such a negative Nancy.
And with that, he'll scoot himself out of the bed to go look for something to patch the window. It is getting incredibly cold in here, after all. ]
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Elsword has not yet made this suggestion, because he's too busy having a fucking Moment over Add, thanks. Somewhere in the back of his throat is a "No, I don't think before speaking, we've gone over this", because Add so often throws that into his face and at this point Elsword isn't sure how to drive that home. "I already have God and the Forest arguing in my head, what's another thing", he wants to say. "Didn't you say you were going to help cure everything wrong with me?" he's about to ask in a tone that might be sassy if he weren't so unemotional all the time.
Nope, no, Add goes for the fucking kill of will it make you mine, the one thing that gets Elsword's monkey-brain revving its engines. He freezes at the touch, noting with some amount of discomfort that the flower petals have sensation when something like this absolutely shouldn't, but... woof. Okay. Be normal, buddy, you can do this.]
Y... yeah? [failed step one] I hope so. I'd rather have you in my head than two supernatural entities arguing all the time.
[lol lmao]
If you could shut them up... if you could fix me, I'd owe you more than just a couple kisses.
["if you cure me i'll give you head" said boy who was already going to be doing that]
Christmas Day
Hi Mizuki!!
I made you this. I love you!!
[Also hanging from the doorknob is a knit plushie. It, uh... it sure Looks like that, huh. He tried his best.]
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Aaaand before he's able to say anything he's getting kissed. ]
Silent Nig̴̼͐h̵̤̝͝t, Holy Nig̴̼͐h̵̤̝͝t.
establishing connection....
Hello~~~ Earth to Mizuki, can you hear me!!!? [ Is what she says to test the grounds, tilting her head left and right. The scene around them is full of life, with people running into the distance. Heading off into the beaches, or rounding along the boardwalk looking at the different stores nearby. Many people were playing ball with one another, and enjoying some time sunbathing beneath the sun. All the while, BB is there before him, in a casual bathing suit. Holding out an ice cream for him. ]
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Me scrambling to roll for how upset We Many is gonna be- 15, BB's good--It's not hard to take over a dreamscape and, more importantly, rewrite history a little bit for a jellyfish. As far as We Many are concerned, We don't much care about humane connections to their pasts like that, anyway. We'd been trying so hard to convince Mizuki to just hand all that pain over, anyway, despite the protests. BB might feel like metaphorical reins are being willingly handed over to her. It might even feel a little… "condescending"? That word doesn't feel right. Perhaps there's no human word to fit it.
We like to play games.
She doesn't get much a glimpse into the hivemind, really, but everything else is free game. Which is why Mizuki wakes up a little blearily, but with an immediate recognition of a place he's not actually all that familiar with. ]
Huh?? Oh, I must've dozed off, sorry! [ Ice cream! For him!!!! BB's so nice to him. He absolutely takes it with his big, doofy smile. ] Ehe, thanks.
we the many like: sigh fine we let you off this time.
Yeah of course, you did say after all we were going to have the most fun ever!! It's our like, 2nd friendsy vacation here. After my trip from Japan, I just wanna let loose and have fun!! [ BB says, handing the other the ice cream and filling in the gaps in any memories that seem to not make sense. ] Anyway, what do you wanna do first? We can play in the water, or head to the arcade now?
packidge
Inside is a blanket of decent size and thickness.]
Mizuki,
Please take care of yourself. Stay warm.
- Livio
Backdated tooo sometime in May, this is their first (1st) therapy session
...but he promised. And, damn it, if there's one thing he keeps, it's a promise.
So he's here at the therapy building, bright and early. He figures Mizuki is waiting for him, but just in case...he'll knock on the door to his "office" anyway.]
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So he's doing well!
When Wolfwood knocks, Mizuki swings the door open with a big smile that somehow seems even brighter when he confirms it's truly Wolfwood at the door. Thank god he's wearing sunglasses. ]
Hello! I'm so glad you made it! Please, come in, make yourself comfortable.
[ He'll shuffle aside and only close the door once Wolfwood is inside. There's a bamboo water spout that's making the faintest sound of running water, but other than that, it's mostly quiet. Calming. You know how it is. ]
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Yeah...thanks.
[Wolfwood steps in as Mizuki ushers him inside, and honestly the quiet is really what makes it sink in that oh, this is happening. This should be easy, he thinks, except despite that his heart is racing.
It will not improve as he moves to take a seat, resting his hands loosely on his knees.]
So, uh. You're gonna hafta guide me a little here...I dunno really where to start.
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Well, you don't have to force anything. That'll just make things worse. You have to feel comfortable enough to let things come out on their own. With that said, it's easiest to start with... just "How are you?" What are you feeling today? Right now? What's on your mind? Have you eaten today?
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[Shit. That's so...conversational. Here he thought Mizuki would be like "so tell me about your childhood" immediately and he would have wanted to leap headfirst out the window.
And what Mizuki will learn immediately is Wolfwood isn't always..........entirely honest? About his feelings...]
M'fine, I guess. [Untrue.] I'm tired, but what else is new. [Not...totally a lie?] I'm, uh. Thinkin' about what I'm answerin' your questions with right now...and I ate a fried egg on toast for breakfast.
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What sort of things are you hoping for in our talk today? What has been in your thoughts the most today? What would you say are things that are going well lately?
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Wolfwood shifts back on the couch, tilting his head up to look at the ceiling.]
I dunno. I ain't really sure how I'm 'sposed t'...feel after all this, I guess. Like, you hear that therapy helps people, but I ain't so sure how much I believe that.
[Yes because you've never Had it.]
And...I guess I've been kinda anxious about this. Because I dunno what to expect.
[Oh my god a scrap of honesty.]
But...things that're goin' well. I mean. 'Sides this?
[He gestures to his missing leg.]
...I've got Vash. And Liv. That's not somethin' I had back home.
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And, of course, if there's anything you don't want to answer, you don't have to. You can just tell me you want a different question or something like that, okay? Your comfort takes precedent.
[ And Mizuki jots down a few more things here. ] That's good to hear! How are things going with them? Are they helping you adjust?
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We're getting somewhere, if by millimeters instead of inches.
So he nods, and dare I say his expression actually manages to look a little fond.]
They're goin'...great. I never really thought I'd be in a place where I'd get t'have 'em both, and be livin' with 'em both.
[Like, he saw Livio die in his own timeline. He doesn't like to think about it, though.]
And they are, yeah. They've been real patient with me.
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That's fantastic, then! Is there anything specifically you want to see changed, then? Anything that maybe you'd like to take the steps toward in improving? Beyond, of course, the forest. But that's an entirely different fish to fry, I feel.
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[Yes Wolfwood, that's what therapy is for.]
...I could be better with people. Kinder, I guess.
[He has anger management issues Mizuki this man was not raised.]
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What do I want? I mean...I dunno what else I could want other than that.
[Friends, he wants friends.]
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...fuck. Okay.
I know I'm...constantly gettin' into it with people. If they're gonna dish it out, I'm gonna give as good as I get. But that ain't always the right call...and it ain't just with other people. I feel like if I weren't so shitty at dealing with shit like that, it'd be easier. Same goes for my boyfriends, too.
[He isn't pointing to a specific instance but, uh. Their shit is MESSY and he knows it.]
And now The Present
He's kindof...been stalking the beach all morning, up and down, pacing around and around because he both needs to be alone, but also needs to talk to someone.
So, like. Where is the jebblyfish Wolfwood needs him.]
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Sorry, you were about to step inside my colony. [ Beat. ] I found these little guys... they're kinda like sea monkeys? Anyway, I introduced different sources of food to them to see how they'd share with one another. It seems they're making three different factions within the tidepool all with the different food sources, and even organized a trade route between one another. It's very fascinating. Would you like to watch?
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He's too overwhelmed even to be mad by being noodled. He just adjusts himself, standing there listlessly...]
...sure.
[Fuck it? Why not? Everything else has gone to shit might as well look at the sea monkeys, what the fuck is a sea monkey-]
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It seems the faction with the crushed kelp and algae are getting the most traffic, so I imagine that's a luxurious food item between them, 'cause the other two don't seem much interaction with one another.
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Luxurious, huh.
So what happens to the other two. Do they just starve and die?
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They don't have the same sense of "outsiders" as most animals do, after all.
[ Though the little guys have most of Mizuki’s attention, he still does take note of Wolfwood’s posture, and ends up leaning against him. There’s certainly Something up, and at least Mizuki can gauge that much. ]
Need a listener or a distraction?
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At least until the topic slides closer to him, and he finds himself hiding a little behind his shades.]
...can y'do both?
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Let's see if this encourages "trade" between these two more. And if it doesn't, then we'll find out how they problem solve when it comes to obstacles.
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They're just lil shrimps or somethin', right? What kinda brains would they have?
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If we were to put in a bigger problem, like predators, then they'd struggle for sure. But I wouldn't wanna do that to these guys. I've grown a little attached~
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[He's sort of still watching, and if Mizuki notices, Wolfwood seems a bit distant. Listless, like he's here but a little detached from what he's looking at. Going through the motions, as it were.]
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...
You know, you said "both". I'm here to listen now, Mister Wolfwood. You can hold my hand if you feel like you need something to help ground you? [ He's offering out his hand immediately after offering, but he doesn't make a move to grab for Wolfwood's. Great discipline on Mizuki's part, really, for those who know him. ]
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But when Mizuki offers his hand...after a long, long pause, Wolfwood reaches out to wordlessly take it, looking into the tidepool and not at Mizuki when he does. His fingers are a bit stiff, his skin chapped and raw from overexposure to saltwater, but he takes it nevertheless.]
There's nothin' to say. I fucked up.
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[ Mizuki reaches over to scoop up the piles of food from the other two "factions" of sea monkeys and puts them together with the algae. One big food pile now! What will happen... ]
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...I kept somethin' from Vash for his own good. Now he's upset with me.
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It's...shit from the future. That neither of us knew. ...Zazie told me, and.
[......]
I don't know. I really don't.
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Wolfwood nods, wordlessly.]
H....he gave me no choice but to tell 'im. And it crushed 'im, like I knew it would.
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If only people were that simple.
Mizuki leans against Wolfwood, his stingers floating behind them to create a bit of a barrier. He'd been in a more isolated part of the beach, anyway, but now he's making absolute sure that there's no prying eyes on him while he's vulnerable. ]
...In a relationship, communication is important, Wolfwood. But so are boundaries. If you conveyed to him that you didn't want to talk to him about it because of how he may react, then you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't "fuck up". Actually, the fact that you were open about how you felt about it instead of lying is fantastic, Wolfwood.
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Wolfwood isn't paying all that much attention to the little creatures anymore. He's instead focused on staring at his hand now carefully being held by Mizuki's, his head bowed forward as he tries to keep the tears he can feel welling up in his eyes from falling. He's not sure if they're from anger, or sadness, or something else he can't place. Maybe gratitude that Mizuki is willing to hear him out, even if he still thinks that this is his own fault somehow. His vision blurs, their surroundings getting all wobbly and hazy, yet Mizuki's voice manages to cut through the haze regardless.]
If...if you knew somethin' that would alter someone's future...would you tell them? Is it wrong to keep that secret, when we ain't...even supposed t'know the future?
[He felt so sure. Like, if Vash never knew, it still wouldn't change things. How could it?]
1/2
2/2
I do know things that would alter the future if I told people. [ Far, far too many things that would have devasting consequences if anyone found out. ] And you saw one of them spill before. How Irene acted -- that's what I'm to expect if the things I know go out to other people.
And for you, it's the same thing. There are some secrets that aren't fair to keep, of course. Hiding things from your partner maliciously or selfishly is where it starts to become an issue, but that's not what this sounds like it was? If it's something like that... then it's Vash who needs to get this sorted out, not you.
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But he had no reason to think a future like that could be changed. What else could happen, exactly? Back home, Wolfwood is still tasked with bringing Vash to JuLai. It's in his contract, he can't just not do that even though Vash knows, because otherwise the orphanage will be in danger. And on top of that, he knows damn well Vash isn't just going to not go to Nai, no matter what he might say to the contrary.
And JuLai is Nai's next target. Nai cannot be swayed, by the future or anyone else. There are no alternatives.]
It ain't malicious. ...but it was prolly selfish.
[He does admit to that much, his eyes hidden by his shades.]
I just. I knew this would happen. I knew it would. Vash...is no better off knowin' than he would have been not knowin'.
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But I think this is also something that's important to talk about with him, too, you know? Maybe not now, while this is all still fresh, but when both of you have a clearer headspace? Maybe I could help you figure out what you want to say...
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M'just. Sick and tired of him doin' this to me. Every time shit gets hard, he runs away. He didn't even give me a chance to talk.
[And Wolfwood has talked to Vash about this, he knows. So he's not sure what the solution is from there, if there is one.]
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I dunno. Maybe...he's scared? Or overwhelmed, or somethin'...just doesn't want to have to deal with it, so he bolts.
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I know this doesn't help the immediate problem at hand, but... if stuff like this keeps happening, Wolfwood, I fear things won't mend between the two of you one of these times.
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[He's afraid of that too. He really is. And he's arguably going to be worse about figuring out how to fix things than most other people would be.]
M'sorry I don't. I dunno. Have much else to say...it's just bad right now.
["Bad" is the story of his life, though.]
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So, for now, Mizuki adjusts himself so that he can give his friend a comforting, proper hug. ]
You don't have to say anything. It's alright. Things might not feel good right now, but it's not always going to be like that. I promise, this'll get fixed.
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Mizuki hugs him, and in that moment, Wolfwood realizes he had no idea just how much he needed to be hugged. The emotion swells in his chest and surges through him almost immediately simultaneously grounding and untethering him all at the same time.
How much he believes Mizuki's words or not doesn't matter as much as his support does. And as Mizuki hugs him, Wolfwood...sinks against Mizuki and slowly hugs him back, his head bowed over Mizuki's shoulder.
And he takes Mizuki's words to heart. He doesn't speak. He just holds him, and sits there.
Maybe that's what he needed most.]
Last week of June vaguely.
Mizuki? Mizukiiii-
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He pokes his head up from the water when he hears Dipper calling from him from along the shore, and he hoists himself from the water onto the sand, wringing out his hair as he gives a little yawn. ]
Dipper~ I'm here! Did you need something?
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Hey man! Sorry, did I wake you up? I was curious if you still had that map you showed me back at the meeting.
[Once he's wrung out his hair, Dipper will offer him a hand up if he likes.]
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[ He gives a big stretch before actually taking Dipper's hand to stand. ]
I do! I keep it with me, since it's Elsword's. [ In the waterproof bag. He's not a monster- ] Why? Did you wanna see it?
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[He will dig in his pockets and produce the small decoder, which is about the shape and size of a compass.]
Yeah, if it's okay. So, I found this the other day, and Heimr says the language on it looks like the kind of script inside the old temples. He mentioned you might have a map with their locations marked.
replies to this two weeks late like :v:
Did you want to go check those out? I'd be more than happy to take you once we're not trapped here on the beach. That could be our first adventure~!
s-same...
[And then the entire month of July happened. Adventure!blocked...]
It makes me wonder who might have been using this and why. Like, I guess we won't know until we find stuff with this language, but on top of translating the language itself, we'll have to crack codes in it. I'm excited.
[AFTER THE COOKIE DRAMAS]
there's a rope-like bruise around her neck. )
Um- hey. Could... I talk to you about something...?
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What happened? Are you okay??
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( it's a struggle to stay composed, and her next words come out as a whisper. )
The forest attacked me in my sleep. I woke up being strangled by something, and then- it was gone.
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Here, it's okay. I'm right here. You can sit down, I've got you...
[ She doesn't get the choice, actually, he's already pulling her to sit in the sands with him stroking her hair. ]
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this does not stop her from immensely crumpling into mizuki's arms, breath hitching. it's been a bad day, mizuki. )
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He'll wait for as long as he needs to as well, until she's ready to talk about it. ]
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... I don't entirely understand what happened still. I woke up being strangled, and then it was gone. When I was checking on myself, I heard yelling... Pure Vanilla Cookie was injured too, much more severely than I was.
He says the forest threatened him, punished him for helping that holy rain heal Nene. That it used me as a hostage in it's power play.
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Mister Pure Vanilla got hurt, too? Is he okay? Does he need help, too? Are you fine? Should we get you... I mean... I still don't know how to heal super good, but I can help you, maybe...???
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( oh, she might be more traumatized by all this than she thought, actually. )
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I can imagine he was. That sounds... [ Like a lot, actually. ] Fellie... it's okay... you don't gotta think about it if it hurts. Are you okay?
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( which is probably the easiest admission of this sort of thing than he's gotten in a long time. )
I just- close my eyes and remember the vine around my neck. Or Pure Vanilla in his own blood.
... Dark Cacao left, too. He- he just, saw the state we were in, and- decided to go fight the forest or something. We could't stop him.
( her voice cracks with a sob at this point- )
I don't know what to do, Mizuki...
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( here comes fellie, late in the day. sun's about to set, even. she seems a bit tired, but she holds out two crystals. )
I need you to do me a favor. I'd like you to take these into your hand and focus thoughts of protection into them. It's to make a shield charm, if I can do it right. I just... thought multiple people could help make it stronger.
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Focus my thoughts of protection into them...? Like... how would I do that, exactly? Who should I be focusing on protecting? Do I have to do any magic-y stuff?
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...
I'm trying to make a charm that will protect Affogato from being attacked in his dreams like Pure Vanilla was. I know magic fueled by love is most potent.
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I appreciate that you want to help, though. I figured you'd be upset with him above anyone else, really.
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( ... )
And I am upset with him. But- that doesn't mean I want him to suffer, and he said it himself: he wants to atone. I'd be a horrible hypocrite not to support that.
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I can stop the corruption just from existing by people, right? So, there's gotta be some sort of... moon magic aura or something around me? If that's the case, then if I just sleep next to him, then he should be okay. And I'm fine with that!
That's good. I was worried I'd have to help mitigate some people's ire for him elsewhere. I think... just admitting something that like was very brave of him. He really is a good person.
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If that's what you really think I can't convince you otherwise. ( after all, pure vanilla is a god-king and she herself is a powerful witch, and they still came out harmed. she's not even sure if the charm will work, but. she's still go to try- but she doesn't think she can argue with mizuki like this right now. ) Forget I said anything then.
... It was brave, yes.
I need to finish working on this.
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Still, when he puts the crystals away, Mizuki raises a hand and waves her down, then very quickly taps something on his phone. ]
You said it's more potent with love?
I do really love him.
I can give it a try, at least.
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Close your eyes and focus on what's in your hands, and the desire to protect. Push the energy through to the crystals.
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He takes in a breath. Exhale.
He'll protect Affogato. With all he's got to give. ]
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... You're doing great.
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Which means ganging up on Mizuki.
So when finally come to an accord - and AFTER they get a certain set of piercings - they track their little love down. They have got to show him, after all.
And honestly, just cover him in kisses. ]
Mizuki, are you here?
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When he's called, almost like he's a dog being excited their owner is home, he gets up from what he's doing and... uhm. Hm. ]
« Um, I don't suppose this is a secret twin you've not told me about yet...? »
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[ It's incredibly hard to tell which one is which... for anyone else. The doppelganger is missing a certain scar on his shoulder. But it doesn't seem like the Other wants to do anything sinister yet. Instead they just both move to take up positions on either side of Mizuki, take both his hands, and bring them up to plants kisses on his wrists. ]
"Have you encountered anything like this?" I'm unsure whether this is special or something silly going on, again.
[ He'll take this over being chased though. ]
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His hands are too busy to type now, so he’s just looking at his Affogato, concerned. Is he alright with this? ]
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Don't worry, the other one shares my desires. "I would never hurt you."
[ They both let go of Mizuki's hands so he can type, Affogato's look turning playfully wicked. ]
Plus I have something I'd like to show you. ... Me, not that fake. "Like you won't get one later."
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He rocks in place for a moment, nervously fiddling with his phone. Like, on the one hand, he's worried about Affogato, even if the doppel promised not to hurt Mizuki. But on the other, it's hard not to be a little entranced when there's two of your partner seeking your attention. ]
« What is it? »
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Then Affo steps back and lifts his shirt up. Yes, just a plain shirt, he's still mending his robes. There, attached to his belly button, is a rather adorable jellyfish piercing. Already healed up. The wonders of having healers. ]
You will not be seeing what that harlot [ He can talk about himself like that, thank you. ] got. "Yet~"
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As for the hat Affogato wants to show Mizuki… perhaps a normal response would be to fluster a bit when he lifts his shirt. To be endeared and embarrassed at the sight of seeing something that reminds Affogato of him on his body like that. To say something like “aw, cute!” or “that’s so sweet!” when presented with this.
Mizuki is not normal, though. Mizuki is far from normal. The sight of Affogato’s sea jelly piercing is enough to make the possessive emotions immediately click into place, and Mizuki almost shakes like he’s laughing. Perhaps if Affogato imagines it, he can picture that breathy, deranged, love-intoxicated laugh of his. Mizuki pulls Affogato closer with a few tendrils, admiring the accessory for a moment, then nuzzling against him again. His Affogato. His, his, his.
…
What’s this about another piercing the Other got?? ]
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Then wraps his arms around Mizuki and sticks his tongue out at his Other, curling his little love in against him tightly, before slinking his hands up into his hair. So he can tilt his head back and gently kiss him.
Then not so gently kiss him, snagging his teeth on his lips in a light bite.
The Other ughs softly and folds his arms, hip jutting to the side. ]
"The one I got is the one we both wanted, but he decided to wait for later when you were ready for it." There's no reason to overwhelm him just yet~
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The "ugh" catches his attention, though. Despite keeping Affogato very close to him, he's still a bit leery of this Other. One the one hand, Mizuki doesn't understand why Affogato is letting him remain here? Mizuki's a very good soldier if he asks, and it isn't like it would've been hard. On the other hand, if he is going to stay, and if he is truly like Affogato, making him jealous is just going to spell trouble for his Affogato, which is the very last thing he wants.
...
What's this about being overwhelmed? He lets go, reluctantly, of Affogato, but just long enough to face the Other so he can get a hug as well. ]
« I dunno, it'd be pretty hard to top that, I think, but I do think it's not exactly hard to overwhelm me. Even now, with the both of you... »
screw you too dw
And the Other looks surprised and then as pleased as the real one would to the hug. They are truly alike in mindset, which means absolutely (unhingedly) adoring Mizuki. So the Other wraps his arms around Mizuki and snuggles him in, just like the real one would.
Cause, in the Others opinion, he IS the real one.
Affogato hums thoughtfully. ]
Overwhelming you like this is all right~ as it is within our boundaries. But I'm not ready to show you where I'd like to get pierced next, which my Other has been so willing to demonstrate how it would look. "Unless." [ The Other's voice is a purr in Mizuki's ear. ] "You're ready to see it, of course."
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[ A light scolding! But he does still hold onto this look-alike fondly. ]
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Which is another way to tell the two apart, the Other simply doesn't have that trauma.
He heh's when the Other is scolded, and tugs Mizuki back to him to plant soft kisses all over his face.
Yes, the Other will pout, but also plot what poison to slip into Affogatos next drink. ]
You understand the real me much better. Ah, if you're curious, I will tell you where it's at, however. I would never keep anything from you.
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« That's okay. You said you were planning to get it at some point, weren't you? Then keep it a surprise! You can tell me when you're ready.
Besides, I really like this one. Blue looks good on you~ »
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A surprise it shall remain, then. And it does, doesn't it? I never considered blue before you. I'm glad I got it, I want as many reminders of you around me as possible when we aren't together.
[ As if the little blob baby wasn't enough. ]
Plus, I thought you would like the look of it. [ Now a sly little teasing smile. He does love seeing Mizuki flustered after all. ] Since I cannot have you draped on me all day, a small little you will have to suffice. [ Not you, baby blob, though he loves you and lets you cling to him all day if you want. ]
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But if you wanted more reminders, aren’t my marks so much prettier on you?? »
[ As if to make a point, she rubs Affogato’s shoulder. And, really, Othergato is more than free to get bitten, too. He’s just understandably a little more hesitant about that one. He said he’d never hurt Mizuki… but if he hurt Affogato, he’d never forgive him, so… ]
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The Other, for his part, is being good, toying with Mizuki's tentacles thoughtfully. ]
Ah, true. I am not adverse to you leaving your mark more on me, of course. I'm just greedy and want more of my Mizuki. Every little reminder I can get.
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Regardless, he does wrap himself around Affogato, setting his phone away so he can hold onto him with both arms freely. It means he can't communicate really, but he's going to press his lips against Affogato's neck anyway.
He's greedy, too. He's not going to bite, but he will press kisses that get rougher until they leave little bruises. ]
cw: gonna get a bit frisky
Only to pause when he does. ]
"All right?"
[ Neither of them will push Mizuki, after all, the Other dropping a light kiss to Mizuki's ear after the question, but otherwise not touching beyond the pin. ]
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He nods. Of course it's alright? Why would he not want the attention? Even despite his wariness, he'd be lying if he ever said he doesn't love... well, being loved. Physical affection is what invigorates him! Touch is his love language!
And both of them are going to be held with numerous tendrils of his. ]
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And since Mizuki's love language is touch....
The tendrils make them both smile, and though neither of them is too fond of the other touching their Mizuki, they will suffer each other to begin to drop kisses against Mizuki. Only Affogato goes for the shoulder though, greedily biting lightly against skin, while the Other nips teasingly at his ear. ]
My Mizuki... I do so love you.
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He's real flustered right now.
He doesn't move to push either of them away, though. His hands clench a little against Affogato, but it reads less as discomfort and more as needy. He has roughly thirty stingers (some likely missing due to cooking with them), so it's not like he can't give the same amount of attention to each. And he does, with several wrapping around their waists and around their arms and necks and tracing little hearts against them when Affogato says he loves him. Mizuki loves him too. So, so, so much.
…
He even tilts his head a little when he gets a little closer to his neck. It's not as though Affogato would touch him there knowing full well how he is, but… ]
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The Other shifts his hands against Mizuki's back, fingers lightly trailing and tracing around stingers. Only Affogato remembers that Mizuki warned him about the sensitivity, so his gaze sharpens a little in a 'if you hurt him' manner. Plus he stills a little, waiting to see if Mizuki will give the indication he doesn't like it.
He has a knife, tucked into the sash of his waist, firm against his back, and though he knows Mizuki won't hesitate to kill the other - neither will he. ]
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S...ns...t...v... [ 'Sensitive'. He's not going to get too mad at him, he probably didn't know? But also, he'd pretty much only let his partners touch there - so Affogato, not Othergato! - and only when they were ready. He squirms, not wanting to totally bail on them, but he was already overwhelmed and flustered!!! Now it's just x2! ]
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"My apologies, my little love. I don't have that memory."
[ Hmmm.... Affogato's hand relaxes and comes back around to settle on Mizuki's hip, stroking his fingers gently there to calm him down. Yes, he's very fucking jealous. Hmph. Excuse him as he pulls Mizuki a little away from the Other, which makes him pout and glare in jealousy as well.
It's going to be nasty when they finally go at each other. ]
I think that's enough for now.
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He didn't realize how tense he'd gotten until he relaxes again against Affogato. He just holds him tightly nuzzling into him. ]
S...rry...
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[ At least the Other steps back and away, and it's a good thing he does, because had he remained in close the real Affogato would have stabbed him anyways. ]
"Please never apologize for being uncomfortable with something, love." You be quiet.
[ There's a little hiss in Affogato's voice as he snuggles his Mizuki in against him, a jealous snake rearing to strike. The Other hmphs hard and finally turns to leave in a very dramatic flounce, leaving the two alone. He has to plan, after all.
When he leaves, Affo settles Mizuki back down to reach up and cup his face, stroking his fingers along his cheeks. ]
Are you okay?
[ Mine mine mine mine mine ]
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But he knows Affogato isn't as forgiving. He soundlessly laughs a bit, trying to get the edge taken off just a bit, especially as he's using a tentacle to bring his phone back over. ]
I'm fine. It didn't hurt. It was just surprising, that's all.
im sorry i died im back sob
Good. When I finally murder him, and you eat him, will you tell me what he tastes like? I've always be curious to see if I truly taste like an affogato or not. Especially now that I'm all meaty.
that is ok I also died
holds your hand
[ Of course it's troubling, to look at himself and laugh and say how easy it would be to kill him. Whether that speaks to his own egotistical love of self (and thus no one else who claims to be him is good enough) or his own self-loathing remains to be seen.
He perks a little when Mizuki says he's sweeter. That pleases him and makes him smile again, a little sweet look. Only for his Mizuki. ]
Of course I do~ The only one sweeter than me is you.
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[ Mizuki still has worries, of course, but he isn't one to argue them. So, you know, for now he can just press a sweet kiss to his cheek with a gentle nuzzle that follows. Mizuki doesn't think he's all that sweet - in fact, he knows exactly what he tastes like! - but he likes the compliment all the same. ]
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[ He reaches his hand around to swirl a piece of Mizuki's hair around his finger.
Oogh, ugh, he loves his little jemly. ]
If you'd rather not, I can dispose of him readily.
sometime in december hand flap
"Dear Little Love,
Though it will never replace your voice, that of which I dearly miss, please allow me to attempt to make amends for being the reason it was ripped from you in the first place. And please accept my humblest apologies I have taken far too long to do so.
Though Ydaliar has stated it should transmit your thought with intent, I am unaware of how well it will do so, nor of which how easy it should be.
But I hope it helps, even just the smallest bit.
Forever adoringly yours,
Affogato ♡"
tal will have to deal w my lack of icons until I get paid-
...
No, not this time, probably. He does hold onto it as he reads the note, though, giving it a look over when he finishes it. Transmits his thoughts, huh? That seems... hm. Well, he doesn't really ever lie or hide things, so that's probably all fine, right? Does he have to activate it? Is there like a trigger thought to get it to work? What's the distance?
And, most importantly, did Affogato really think any of this was his fault?? Mizuki's just as much to blame - and Suri even more so... Huff. He should try to use it now, then, if just to let Affogato know he's being silly... but that he appreciates it, anyway.
Thus, he's off to find his love. ]
Affogato? Affogato??
im sorry, what was that?
The "thought" entering his head is odd, because it rings in his ear like words should but with a strange lack of weight behind them. It makes him pause where he was grinding plants into a mortar, tilting his head before brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes.
Is that-? ]
Mizuki? Up here, little love~
[ He's up in his room, ingredients strewn out around the place as he makes incense and concoctions, testing various plants. The room smells of plant matter, perfume, and ash. Charcoal. Blood. And he cleans his hand off as he eagerly goes to the door. ]
the 1st
He also made a promise that if Mizuki said no, then that is that, pure and simple. ]
Mizuki, darling~ Are you around? We need to speak.
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He does pretty immediately wake up when he hears Affogato's voice. Despite the haze and grogginess of waking up, there's still a delight to hearing his beloved. A sleepy, yet cheerful "Affogato~!" will be heard in his head, and moments later he'll even pull himself from the bed-couch to embrace his love. ]
What is it?
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Ungrateful. Undeserving. ]
I'm sorry I woke you. I can wait until later if you desire more sleep. But I made a promise to you, and I intend to keep it, so we must speak in the future.
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No, I'm alright. I've slept most of today, anyway. I've just been tired, for some reason...
What's wrong, though? Did I do something wrong?
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It is a cruel bitter winter full of omens of suffering. It is no wonder you are tired. I do not even know if the Seaborne stir.
[ And he keeps his own little one inside, wrapped thoroughly in furs to keep it warm, lest the cold creep in.
At those words he hesitates, his gaze softening.
Unworthy. ]
That you even think that... no, my little love. I'm afraid I did. I kissed Dark Cacao, and I am afraid my heart longs to do so again.
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He doesn't mention this, though. Rather, he just nods.
...
On Affogato's confession, Mizuki doesn't really seem like he's absorbing it. Not at first, anyway. He supposes, maybe, he's not surprised? Hurt. Hurt, for sure. Especially after confiding in him the relationship he's had with Dark Cacao makes Mizuki jealous, and the assurance that he "couldn't make Affogato happy". Mizuki doesn't look angry, truly, but he does bristle a bit, anyway.
Affogato won't hear anything for a moment, simply just taking this time to mull this over. When he finally speaks, he'll feel Mizuki's fingers hook into his clothes. ]
Did he do something to you?
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And pauses to his words, thinking that over.
Did he? Cacao is well aware of the line they drew between each other. Is well aware of his alternate selfs desires and the memories that he kept. And yet chose to step over the line, chose to push into Affogato's life again, dig his fingers into his desires and pull them up taut.
He sighs and rests his forehead on Mizuki's. But did he do something? He's only ever going to be truthful with Mizuki. ]
I truly do not know. On the beach as we watched over the eggs, I gained the memories of another version of myself. One where we had shared love together. I learned what it was like to have him, and upon returning to myself the memories lingered. I avoided him for as long as I could until he invited me to the Sunrise Ceremony, to sort my thoughts and feelings back out. It is something we do in our home for the New Years.
[ He moves his hands to find Mizuki's tendrils, taking hold of them so they curl around them. ]
He approached me at the end, said he desired me and has for some time and that's when I kissed him. But I don't know if I truly desire him in return or love him, or am simply swept up in the idea of it.
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And they're, you know. Not great! But, also... ]
...Does he make you happy?
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I don't know.
[ His voice is soft and it feels like such a sidestepping answer, but it's the truth. He frowns and plays with Mizuki's tentacles, enjoying the tangle around his hands. ]
I truly do not know. You are the first one to have truly made me happy in my entire life. No one has made me so such as you. Yet even I can admit my... experiences until you have not been the best. I do not truly know what does or does not make me happy. Can he make me happy? I do not know.
[ He untangles one hand from Mizuki's tentacles to bring it up, slide his nails gently across Mizuki's cheek. And it's not a jab or anything, but genuine question. ]
Did Elsword make you happy? The same as I do?
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"The same"... no. But I would not say it's any more or less, either. Just different. But he does make me happy, yes. I've never had a doubt about that. It's the reason we got together to begin with - he cares for me and my happiness above most things.
Much like with you, though. You care about my happiness. You were there for me when I got back from the Garden and made me feel loved even if you had accidentally caused me pain. And... um, I don't know how to word this a little more delicately, I'm sorry... but... can you say the same for Dark Cacao?
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And he already knows Cacao can't care for him above all others, but can he care for him equally? He promised he can, otherwise he wouldn't have offered. Does he make him feel loved, even when he hurts? He can't hold the past against him. It was a dark time for them both. He sighs against Mizuki's mouth, rests their faces together. ]
Remember, there is no need to be 'delicate' with me, my little love. As for your question...
[ Quiet as he ponders. ]
I think I can, yes. But most importantly, I worry for you. Your mark is on my skin, and I do not want you to be hurt.
[ Can he give Mizuki the same amount of love he gives Cacao? ... Could he even possibly give Cacao the same amount of love he gives Mizuki, truthfully. ]
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... [ He curls a bit and presses his head into Affogato's chest instead. ]
And... I would be lying if I said I wasn't also insanely jealous about the thought of you both being together. It's not a competition and I know you love me and you've done so much to prove that, but there's still this voice in the back of my head that says you both have more history and what if you realize I'm not good enough or what if I'm not giving you enough love and aren't you supposed to be mine and...
I know I said I'd work on it, but it's still so hard to silence those thoughts.
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[ Yet Affogato thinks of Cacao planting himself as the Therapy Office to protect him in case anyone wanted vengeance for Mizuki. Of protecting him on the beach. Of his forgiveness for hurting Pure Vanilla and the others.
He wraps his arms tighter as Mizuki curls up, tucking him in and under the blankets a bit more. His heart aches and he softly drops kisses onto his head. ]
And I admit, I would be insanely jealous if Elsword returned, and desired you in his arms once again. I would worry and wonder the same.
[ He would want to bite and claw, and scream and wail. But - did he not just tell Cacao that Suri's behavior between Beiwe and Ourania was obsession then, and not love? He reaches up to tangle his hands into Mizuki's hair. ]
Yet, despite it, I know I could never deny you that love. If that is what you truly wanted, both of us, I would understand. Your teeth are under my skin, your breathing fills my lungs, how could I not know you love me?
[ He gently tugs to tilt his head up, his expression soft. ]
But I will not ask you to do the same. If you wish me all to yourself, then you have me all to yourself. You only need to say it.
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But it isn’t fair, is it? To expect something like that of Affogato and to receive the opposite treatment. He could never. After all, Affogato does deserve all the love. He’s just… he’s just……… ]
I’m scared. I’m scared you’ll go home with him after all of this, and I’ll be here without you.
[ He knows Elsword is going home. And he knows… realistically, if Affogato wanted, it isn’t like he could stop him from going home, either. He knows they’ve got lives back home and that they weren’t meant to be here at the Grove like this and meant to live their own lives and such, but… it’s hard to think eventually he has to let go. He doesn’t want to. He’s incredibly clingy. ]
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[ Well that's an easy thing to answer as he presses his mouth to Mizuki's forehead in a soft little kiss. He can allay this fear. ]
I am never leaving here, unless it is to go with you to your home.
[ He gently strokes his thumbs down Mizuki's face to his chin, tilting his head back with them so he can kiss him soft and sweet. ]
I vowed that to you, and I will not break that. If you remain here, I will remain. If you return to your home, I shall follow. There is nothing for me back at my home, but everything for me here.
[ Even if Cacao goes, the rest of the world is against him. He would be seen as a deserter by the Cacao Kingdom - even with a pardon - and seen as a deserter by Dark Enchantresses group. No. He will stay wrapped around Mizuki, able to kiss him every day for the rest of their lives. Or, his own. ]
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I... I want you to be happy. [ Why did it have to be Dark Cacao, though!! ] I don't think I'll be... not jealous. But... if you're okay to be lenient with me about that... I can work on it, I think.
I love you so much, you know? I'll always be yours.
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[ He smiles and rests their foreheads together to nuzzle their noses gently, kisses him again but with a little more bite to it. A little more possessiveness. ]
As I love you, and will always be yours.
[ He pulls back just enough to reach up and move his hair aside, move the collar of his clothes down. Bare the spot between neck and shoulder where Mizuki's teeth have left their scars. ]
Do not make me beg~
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And there's also the many holes he continues to leave in Affogato that make him so happy to see every time. ]
I would never make you beg. Especially not with something like this.
[ He's more than happy to. In fact, he'd been holding himself back from doing so, thus the invitation is essentially freeing Mizuki's chains. He wastes absolutely no time to move his lips down to Affogato's shoulders, and with one sweet kiss against his skin, he chases it with a sharp bite, those razors he calls teeth burying into him for the umpteenth time.
All the while, Mizuki's tendrils anchor themselves to Affogato's limbs, tracing little hearts against him, as he usually does. ]
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[ It's most definitely not a pained noise, as Mizuki sinks his teeth in. It's stopped being painful to him a while ago. Instead it's almost pleasurable now, the burn and sink of those sharp little teeth, marking up his usually so-well-kept skin all over again.
And then he laughs, a little breathless. ]
Always my eager little love~
[ He wants to dig his nails into Mizuki and carve him up with love, reaching down instead to the lower part of his back, digging his fingers into the stingers. Nails scratch just a little as his voice drops into a low murmur. ]
My Mizuki. As I am your Affogato.
[ Other's may share in them, Mizuki can love Elsword and visa versa, but he's his anyways. His his his. ]
I love you.
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There is a returned tension when Affogato’s hands reach lower on his back. He doesn’t mind, of course, since it’s his love, but… ]
Careful. Sensitive… [ How useful it is to be able to “speak” to Affogato without pulling away. Still, though, had he forgotten?? ]
I love you, too, my Affogato. I hope you never forget.
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[ His voice is soft. Oh no, he hasn't forgotten. He wants to remind Mizuki, as thoroughly as those teeth in his shoulder are reminding him, how desperately he's loved. Wanted. Needed. How Affogato wants to wear him, take him into himself, make him the heart that beats in his chest, and then shove himself into Mizuki's in turn. ]
Do you want my fingers away?
[ Consent, always. The affirmation of love in his head makes him hum soft and sweet in Mizuki's ear, his fingers curling gently. ]
I will never forget. You are seared into my very self. I am who I am today because of you, after all.
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You can keep them there. [ He just doesn't want to get too riled is all. No matter how much he loves Affogato and considers himself to be all of his, there's boundaries that Mizuki is aware of. ]
Ah, I didn't have anything to do with your change, Affogato... You've always been so kind and caring toward me. I didn't make you that way or anything.
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Wrong. Without you, I would not be here. I would not truly know what love is, what it felt like. I would not be repentant over my past mistakes, I would not be trying to better myself.
[ He moves his hands from the stingers to bring them up to cup Mizuki's face, fingers sliding along his jaw as his thumbs rub his cheeks, his voice dropping. ]
Because you make me want to be a better person, my little love.
cw: yandere shit, sorry Tal—
I feel you’re still giving me too much credit. You’ve always been wonderful — if I were eloquent at all with words, I’m sure I could write a novel about all the things there is to love about you.
But… I’m so happy with you. I always have been, but… it’s different. Before, I just thought myself as your follower, and I wasn’t unhappy or anything, but I don’t think that’s what I really wanted?
Maybe I’m not making sense. [ He reaches his own hands to settle over Affogato’s when they’re on his cheeks, with Mizuki’s tendrils practically squishing the two of them together. ] It’s now more I want to be with you forever. If I could stitch our hearts together so we’d always be together, or if I made a home inside your chest~.
And… I’d never give you enough food to make you Seaborn or anything, but it makes me real happy when you eat my meals. Like I’ll always be with you.
liKE HE'S NOT YANDERE TOO
My sweet little Mizuki~ With every bite you give me, you sink deeper into me, and [ A little chuckle] with every bit.
[ He drops his voice and pushes their faces together, lips brushing as he speaks, voice lowering to a whisper so it's only for Mizuki's ears. Like Rolipo or Sharkitty might hear them or something. ]
I will eat everything you give me, because you become me and I become you. Soon our hearts will be stitched as once. No one will know where you or I begin. You will be in my skin, my bones, the lungs I drag air with and the heart that brings me life.
[ He drags his nails lightly over Mizuki's cheek, a soft tender stroke to go with his words. ]
As I so dearly want to be yours. Yours forever.
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Forever, my Affogato.
[ A few stingers wrap around Affogato’s new tail, tracing the scales and delicately tangling with it. ]
You always look so lovely, but I think this suits you best. Stuck with me, with that pretty, pretty fresh mark. I do request… if it’s okay… could you not let Dark Cacao put any on you?
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You needn't worry, I have no plans on letting him mark me anywhere. Only you are allowed to dig your teeth in and claim me like that. Only your nails are allowed to scratch me. Only you can make me bleed.
[ He sighs softly and rubs their noses together, a gentleness to counter the roughness of the bite. Then he shifts to wrap his arms around him again and pull Mizuki in tight, flopping them into the bed to snuggle him. ]
Only you, my Mizuki~
March // ain runs into the therapy office vibrating at the speed of sound
Mr. Jellyfish... [Throwing himself down onto the chaise lounge.] I need... relationship advice? I think romantic, but maybe not? You'll have to tell me, haha...
[Undoubtedly he's already gone to Wolfwood and Ezell about this though, results on those threads TBD but he's here because Mizuki is always practical and smart. Mizuki will know what to do.]
What's it mean when someone you've known for three years starts touching you everywhere and calls you beautiful and cute?
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Is this about Mister Add?
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Yeah.
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He sure doesn't change much, huh...? Hehe. Okay. I'm going to need you to walk me through this a little more, Ain. What did he tell you specifically? What was he doing? What was the context? What did you ask or say??
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Um. He showed up and got bitten by a snake. I healed him, but it's not like I can remove the delirium from the poison, so I took him back to where I live to monitor his condition. ...well, he never lets me hug him, so while he was sick I laid on him and we talked about stuff. He knows I died once, but I didn't tell him about the other time. Uh... oh, he knows we all tried to fight the Forest and how that went, and kept accusing everyone of letting me die. I tried to explain that that's not what happened...
[Pets Mizuki... starts idly braiding some of Mizuki's longer hair because he needs to fidget or he Will blow up.]
Haha, but Mr. Ancient doesn't normally listen, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
Anyway, I laid on him and told him that if he went and got himself killed, I'd cry. You know, as a threat to deter him, because he clams up if people cry in front of him. And then he kept touching my face and telling me I was "more beautiful" when I wasn't crying. And then he called me cute a few minutes after. And then he fell asleep! And I also fell asleep. And we stayed like that until the next morning when he was feeling better, but he sneaked off and left me to sleep on the couch with his coat and a bunch of pillows.
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He doesn't say that, of course. After all, this Add's different from Doctor Add. He knows this. ]
Alright, I understand. But how did that make you feel?
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[Sigh.]
I really liked us snuggling. And it was... nicer than our usual interactions, haha. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like what he said. I'm a little sad he got up without me and left me there, but it was sweet of him not to wake me up and leave his coat there...? I think?
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[Unfurls the mental scroll, starts on line 1, item A. Let's see...]
That I think he's an idiot. That I'm still mad at him for the time he did surgery in the bathtub to give himself that Nasod armour and nearly bled out because he's too stupid to think for five seconds. That I like the way we tease each other, but I want to put his head through the wall sometimes, haha. That... I hope he makes friends here, and I hope he doesn't feel too lonely. Um...
...I kind of love him maybe, I will kick his ass if he dies on me or does anything stupid, I wish he'd move in with me, and I wish he'd loosen up a little sometimes. ...most of the time. Haha.
MIZUKI DAY
Happy Birthday, Mizuki. May your star never cease to shine as brightly as the sun. I imagine you have many plans for today, but I'm free to play anything you would like later, if you want!
[Inside the box, Mizuki will find...another box!! Two of them, actually. The first, leftmost box is a little bento box that Sesa put together himself. It has all of the ingredients of any good bento. Rice, veggies, rolled egg, little sausages cut to look like octopus...some of it's burnt, but given Sesa made it himself, that's to be expected. Next to the box is a smaller box, but this one is actually wrapped like a proper present with cute paper and a bow. And inside...
Nestled on a soft bit of paper is a little piece of glass fashioned to look like a sea jelly. It's affixed to a metal chain, fashioned to be worn or kept as a charm. There are also little shells and glittery bits from the river embedded in the glass to add variety in color and texture.]
Re: MIZUKI DAY
Sesa is getting a big ol' hug from Mizuki the second he wishes him a happy birthday. The little sea jelly is practically hopping in place with the sweetest smile. He hasn't even opened the boxes yet, he's just so excited Sesa's here.
And when he does?? Sesa is getting at least two more hugs, and being lifted off the ground for a little twirl. ]
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Sesa laughs aloud as Mizuki hugs him, jumps around, then hugs him AGAIN, this time enough to lift him right off the floor. He’ll hug him back, of course, though somehow he doubts his own hugs will ever be as strong as Mizuki’s noodles.]
I’m going to take that as a “way to go, Sesa, you’ve done it again! You’re so brilliant and cool!”
drags this out of npc contact so the mod inbox doesn't explode
Smart of you to carry an antidote— [but also ow, and he's out of breath] —if you could do me a favour and not cart me off to the resident Gargoyle quite yet, I'd appreciate it.
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I'll respect your wishes, but at least stick with me. I can keep it from progressing.
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I'll be fine.
[Girl]
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Again, let me stay with you while you do, so it doesn't progress any further. Also, try not to move too much. I'm going to heal what I can on you, okay?
[ He only knows a little bit of healing magic, but he's going to use what little he knows to at least make Thorns somewhat stable. ]
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[Fair, Mizuki learnt healing Arts, not that difficult to imagine honestly. But:]
How did you know where I was...?
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[Yeah sorry buddy he has no fucking idea.]
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Mister Thorns, I... I'm not too sure how to tell you this? But I'm sure you've probably noticed how nethersea brand doesn't bother you, or how sometimes you can hear the thoughts of the Firstborn?
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[Lol way to find out your friend was in the cult huh]
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Bishop Aulus...? [ He's never met him, but the vitriol that came out of Cicero about him was enough to make him wary. ] ...I think he'd done quite a bit to hide things from you, in that case. About what he'd done and such.
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[He is out for blood, Mizuki.]
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I wouldn't say I was willing to be part of it at all — but you know how they operate. Sure, Aulus' efforts did prevent me from starving to death as a child in the streets, but he unwittingly has attempted to make me his successor in all but name...
[Perhaps not as a priest, but. It doesn't fill Thorns with nice thoughts, relatedly.]
...but we can touch upon that later. Tell me honestly what you think he's done. Give me more reasons to slit his throat.
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[ Mizuki holds his hands, and gently uses a tentacle or two to make him lay back down to rest. ]
From the sounds of it, he has fed you enough flesh of Our kin to transform you partially Seaborn.
millennial suicide jokes etc
Me voy a suicidar. [STOP] Ah, but him first. As far as I know, my blood still bleeds red.
[But there's a ring around his white pupils that is Very Much that deep, Seaborn blue-blood colour that gives it away.]
after Neo Eden Fammeet
And Add... wanders. He doesn't want to be anywhere right now. He doesn't want to go anywhere someone might find him and tell him he fucked up again. Any further reminders of it would be unnecessary.
Maybe it's subconscious, or Dynamo's worry leading him, or just pure chance—whatever the reason for it, he finds himself passing a familiar food truck, a small crowd of holograms still bustling pointlessly nearby. He slows to a stop, staring at it.
...
He hasn't had anything since this morning, so... maybe he'll feel better if he eats something.
Add shuffles awkwardly to the counter, hesitant to make any kind of eye contact with the seaborn on the other side. His tone lacks its usual bite.]
Whatever's fine. Surprise me.
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Unfortunately, however, Mizuki's food always looks... strange and unappetizing. Thus, when Add is happily passed some seafood kebabs, it might look like a bad idea to eat it. But Mizuki is beaming at him anyway, like he won't regret it! And, realistically, if he does brave tasting it, he'll find the food is strangely very good. ]
Hello, Mister Add! S'on the house, you don't gotta pay. It'll lift your mood a little, too. Though, if you really want help with that, I'm more than happy to take a break and listen to you.
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It is pretty good.
...]
Am I just... bad for him? Was he better off when I wasn't here?
[Looking at how upset he's made Ain, it sure feels like it.]
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He steps over to Add and gently coaxes him to sit over at one of the nearby empty benches. ]
Why do you think you feel that way? Aside from your surroundings as I know that was outside of your control, do you think you changed at all from before?
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He sits down without complaint, letting out a heavy sigh.]
He's the one that changed. He looks different, he has more hobbies, he's so much closer to everyone here, and I... hah. [his shoulders slump] I'm stuck in the past. No wonder I'm such a disappointment to him.
Same old Add, always causing problems, picking fights he can't win... who'd want to be around someone like that?
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Do you understand why he's upset with you? [ Because it isn't like Ain wasn't upset with Wolfwood, either! ] Because, obviously I cannot disclose the things he's talked with me about, that is not my place. But I can at least tell you that this sounds like you're projecting a poor image of yourself you think Ain has of you, instead of accepting the actual one he has of you. Saying things like "who'd want to do that" or "I'm such a disappointment", when that isn't fair to Ain.
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Whoever he thinks I'm supposed to be, I'm not. I am a disappointment.
[He balls his hands into tight, shaky fists. If he was a better person, he wouldn't feel so inadequate that he has to claw the competition down to his level. It's pathetic. All this does is hurt Ain, but if he can't compete at all...]
He deserves better than that. He has better than that. If he'd just realize it already... he doesn't need me around anymore, he never did.
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You’re here because you care about him, and that says a lot about who you are, you know.
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[spoken in a tone of "obviously that can't be the right answer" but...]
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Mister Add? What... do you want here? Like, ignoring everything else. What would make you happy?
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... well. He didn't dwell on those gay theatre thoughts the other day for nothing. Add frowns, staring down at his half-eaten kebab for a long moment.]
I...
I want him to rely on me. I want to understand him better than anyone else. Then, if he looks at me that way...
[He'd have earned it. He'd be worthy of the attention.
He just wants to feel like he belongs here, basking in Ain's glow.]
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[ He wouldn't say this if Ain hasn't been wholesale flirting with Add on the notebook, of course. But he also knows of Ain's feelings on the matter, even if he won't go into detail. Not the be the guy who's like "just kiss already", buuuuuut... ]
But it's also unfair to add in that "better than anyone else" to him, when he is committed to other people as well, y'know? Don't get me wrong, I understand. I'm an insanely jealous person, too. But trying to be better than his partners or get him to see only you will only lead to more fights and arguments down the line, as well as that sort of... umm... love-hungry anger in your stomach, I guess.
...
Maybe that's just me, now that I think about it. Anyway, my point being that... just because he loves others, does not mean he doesn't love you. Love is not this dividable thing - only his time is.
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Ezell said something similar, last time. Ain does not give pieces of his heart to his friends and partners—he gives everything.
It's a hard thing for him to grasp, since he's never really... had this kind of thing before. But the other point is a lot more straightforward. Trying to outdo everyone else will only cause more arguments... yeah, no shit.]
... I dunno. [He can't help but feel lame, giving a half-assed answer after Mizuki laid everything out like that. But even if Mizuki is right about everything,] I can't help how I feel about it. That guy, he's just so... so effortless. Like he's rubbing it in my face all the time. It pisses me off. [can't he at least be better than ONE boyfriend?]
cw: yan shit
Changing your feelings is never easy. But, ideally, you can be open with him so the both of you can try to figure it out together, instead of just upsetting you both in the end. Jealousy is especially nasty. Makes you wanna cling to them forever and not let go, so they only look at you and think the world of you, to crawl under their skin so you can stay with them forever, or have a perfect catalogue of their interests and mimicking them so they pay attention to you and only you. I get it. [ Mizuki's nodding, like this is all totally normal shit to say. ] But I don't think he's trying to "rub it in your face" or anything. He isn't the type.
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... tch, that just means I'm the only asshole here. Like that's any better.
[He bites off a big chunk of Probably Seaborn Kebab so he can think on it without speaking for a bit. Would talking to him really make any of this easier...? That doesn't sound right at all, but... it's not like Add would know.
...]
Guess it can't get any worse than this. [unless i kill all three of them with a knife right now 🔪]
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I didn't say that. I do not think you're totally in the wrong, either. You and Wolfwood both have very combative personalities, I've noticed. They just don't mesh well together. There's more to it than that, of course, but I think that saying you're "the only asshole" is going back to that whole "projecting negative things" on yourself. Don't do that, Mister Add. You're a very kind person, I can tell. Like I said, you're talking about this and attempting to find a solution because you care so much about Ain. That's very admirable. If I were in your shoes, I would've just eaten him~.
[ Mizuki will get up from his spot on the bench for just a moment so he can step over to the truck, then brings two water bottles back over - one for Add and one for himself. He offers it out as he takes a seat again. ]
If you do truly want this to get better, though, that will require you to be a little more open with Ain. Do you think that's something you can do, or would you like me to help you write a letter, or... what do you think would be most comfortable for you?
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It's probably nothing.
He holds the bottled water in his hands, staring at it intensely like it might hold all the answers.]
... doubt he'd accept a letter, or someone else saying it. This is... something I have to do myself.
[But after talking it out with Mizuki... he does feel a bit more confident in himself. There's at least one person here besides Ain who might believe in him, maybe.]
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Well, in that case, if you want to plan something out before hand, I'll listen to that, too. But just try not to do it while the emotions are still high, okay? With everything that happened, I'm worried about you, Mister Add. I think that if you try to fix things now when you're upset, it'd be a bit like throwing yourself into a wall... You should take some time - maybe just a night - to yourself, and come at it again with a rested mind.
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[It's easier to say "let's tackle this again tomorrow" than "let's do this right now", anyway. This has already been a lot of emotional vulnerability for one day... no way is he talking to anyone else like this for the rest of the night. Not even Wolfwood several hours from now.
He glances over at Mizuki again, and... this would be the part where a normal person might say thanks, since he just spent a good amount of time giving Add free therapy on his break. But Add is a weenie and a freak, so he scoffs instead.]
Guess this kind of thing isn't a total waste of time after all. [Dynamo beeps in a thank you!! kind of way tho, Dynamo appreciates Mizuki.]
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And thank you, Mister Add. It means the world to me that you'd want to talk to me.
Also. Is it alright if I pet Dynamo?? [ He's already picking up his hand, but isn't reaching just yet. ]
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... they jitter a lot more at "can I pet Dynamo" tho. Add, however, looks far more uncertain.]
Uh. [is... is it weird to say he can feel it, kinda? would that make it too weird? he has to consider this very seriously.]
Sure, I guess?
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[ Anyway, the hand is reaching out to pet the little nasods. This Add is not "his", and these Dynamo are not, either, but that isn't going to stop him from loving them any less??? They're still friends. He doesn't even pull away when the static connects, simply just taking that as part of the process. It's different, but he's a sea jelly, so it's not like he's too fussed about it. ]
It's nice to meet you. You're very cute! Lookin' "sharp", hehe...
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He's getting LOTS of little static shocks, yeah, this is how these dynamos show affection. They hold still for the first few seconds, but it's not long before they're huddling around Mizuki and vying for attention. Please ensure that all pets are evenly distributed across the collective, thank you!!
And Add says nothing, but... it is kind of nice, getting all this positive feedback by proxy... one of the dynamos will even circle back to Add to gently rest on his shoulder, like a firm but supportive hand. Hrmmm.]
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Mizuki cannot truly laugh, but there are little huffs of air that come out of him anyway, as if he's trying. He should probably get a brush after this. His hair sticking up just looks silly - he can't pull it off like Add can. ]
You all are doing a good job taking care of Add! Keep it up, okay? And if you ever need another pat, I'll be here!
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Despite his best efforts not to make this weird, Add utters a soft sigh, looking far better than he has been for the past few hours.
If he closes his eyes it's basically the same as getting a hug, so that's his physical contact quota taken care of for the month he's good now please do not bring this up ever again.]
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Ehem.
Mizuki tilts his head from side to side enthusiastically. ] If you'd like some more food, I'd be happy to send you home with some. Did you like it, by the way? Would you like me to walk with you back home? I don't mind.
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Add looks at him, his expression a half-hearted frown. He seems to debate giving a bullshit answer, but]
I can walk myself home... the food was pretty good, though. Wouldn't mind some take out if it's not a big deal.
What's in it, anyway? It's got a unique taste, whatever it is. If it's exclusive to the city I'll be pissed.
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[ He’ll hop up here, then, and head over to the truck. It’s close enough to the bench he can still see Add, so he’ll still hear Mizuki in his head. ]
It has soy sauce, sesame oil, ginger, salmon, my tentacles, lime juice and lemongrass!
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What was that fifth item? [his... tentacles?????]
... Oh. You mean, like, the slime that comes off it, right? If you cook with your hands you'll get sweat and dead skin on the parts you touch, but it's not enough to be noticeable when it comes to humans...
[it's like that... right???]
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But, to demonstrate, he puts one of his goopy, black tendrils on the cutting board, with a color that’s more akin to car oil, and a faint shimmering that almost looked like stars. It’d be pretty if there wasn’t something inherently unsettling about it. It’s only a second later that he brings the knife down and severs it without even flinching. He holds it up afterwards. ]
No, like this.
1/2
2/2
[he just kind of. blurts it out, after a distressingly long pause. what the fuck.
like yeah it tastes good actually but who DOES that? with their own body??? isn't that painful???? why???????]
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[ He is casually putting it on a skillet to cook as he “talks”. ]
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... but you don't cook the venom with it, right? [he would hope that if "people say it’s weird" that one of those people would tell him not to poison the food]
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Mizuki gives another soundless laugh, but shakes his head. ]
Not usually!! But even the few times I had accidentally, it wasn’t a big deal. Cooking it in oils hot enough will break the proteins down and effectively make it harmless. And even then, if you ate it raw, it’s venom, not poison. It would have to get into your bloodstream to cause problems. So, like if you had a stomach ulcer or lost a tooth or something, maybe then, but…
Ahh, I just mean to say overall, it’s really safe. My venom isn’t lethal, anyway, and I have antidotes with me. Doctor Add made them for me, actually.
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...
Okay, no, it's definitely still the weirdest thing he's ever eaten. The eyeball lemons aren't real eyeballs, and demons eat some pretty weird stuff for human standards, but he hasn't met any that eat parts of their own bodies... maybe it's like how crabs will eat their own shells after molting? Or lizards that drop their tails to escape predators, they can also eat their own tails sometimes.]
Are there important nutrients in them?
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Probably?
[ Insightful, Mizuki. ]
It’s more that it helps to preserve the vitality of the rest of the food. Like even though this world doesn’t have fresh plants or stuff, it helps the lemongrass and lime juice taste as if your holding their very essence of life in your mouth.
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I guess, if you want something fresh... it doesn't get much fresher than that?
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[ Mizuki grabs a couple of skewers to start putting together the meal for him and putting it in a convenient little to-go box that he slides across the counter. ]
I've been told my methods makes the presentation a little weird, but unfortunately that is the price to pay to preserve the vitality of the meal.
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[He's gonna take that to-go box and yeah, he is gonna eat it later, it's NOT weird the science wouldn't lie to him.]
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Regarding everything else, though… are you going to be alright?
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The situation is still unchanged, but... it's not as insurmountable as it seemed before. There's a method to approaching this, and perhaps even repairing it in full. He just has to... communicate, and show some honesty. And he already did some of that tonight, didn't he?]
... Yeah. I'll be fine. [For tonight, he'll just try to relax. He'll even set up Dynamo to screen his calls, so he won't have to worry about being bothered...]
See you around, squirt.
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Early May, Therapy Building
He's due for his weekly therapy session and he's come to the realization he's probably going to have to talk about this weird, sad feeling, and he likes that even LESS. Part of him kindof wants to maybe just skip it, but he hasn't skipped a week since Neo Eden (and that wasn't exactly their fault they kindof got sucked away from the Grove and also he was in prison for a bit), so he knows Mizuki would probably come looking for him. Squirt has a knack for Finding You whether you want to be found or not.
Also, he's like. A werewolf now? Haha funny he gets it, but he figures that will ALSO make him easier to find, so like.
Ugh.
Mizuki will be getting a knock on his door.]
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He's not... really all that surprised to see Wolfwood as a creature. He'd seen several others walking around. And at least Wolfwood is still pretty identifiable. He gives a soft little smile, as well as a wave. ]
Hi hi~. You can just come right in, you know?
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I dunno if you have other people talkin' to you on the same day as me, and I know I would be pissed if somebody randomly walked in on me pourin' my heart out.
[Implying he ever does that, but don't worry we'll get to that.
He slumps into the available chair, exhaling on a world-weary sigh.]
You been doin' okay?
[Is how he chooses to start, mainly to avoid talking about himself for as long as he can get away with.]
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What about you?
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[If anybody in this godforsaken place deserves a break, it's Mizuki. Something calm, something easy...
Of course he wouldn't keep the topic on Misuki for long, causing Wolfwood's nose to wrinkle.]
Things...have been better. But I guess you could say that's true for literally almost any day, here.
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[Which, like, that's kindof Mizuki's whole job but u know]
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I'm all ears, then.
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[So that's a good start already.]
To spare you a long fuckin' story, Add got a hold of some of my vials and wanted to reverse engineer 'em, and I told him I was uncomfortable with him messin' with them. I couldn't...really convince him otherwise, cause he just kept tellin' me how I should be taking advantage of the power I've got and turn it around for good instead of just throwin' it away. But that don't really change the way how I feel about it...yaknow? Does that make sense?
Like. The shit I use ain't no fuckin' joke. If a normal person were to ingest even a drop, they'd probably drop dead from poisoning. I feel like it's not unreasonable to want people not to touch it.
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[Wolfwood slumps a little. At least just. Hearing that seems to help, if nothing else.]
We ended up reachin' an agreement that if he wanted to experiment with 'em, he couldn't use 'em on himself, or anyone else. Just me. Like...
[...]
I ain't against the idea. I just don't think I could live with the thought that someone else got hurt due to 'em, even if it wasn't because of me directly.
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[ Or when your God grows in the Grove and inflicts trauma on everyone. Haha. ha... ]
If you'd like, I could talk with him? Maybe try to convince him to not do something like that, period...?
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At Mizuki's offer, though...Wolfwood's expression softens, and his shoulders sag a bit.]
Naah. I don't really want 'im to know I talked to anybody about it, I mostly just needed to vent. I think it's fine now, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't...I dunno. Bein' unreasonable, cause I know I can do that.
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I...am? You think so?
also early may, also therapy building
... even if it's kind of obvious, since Add and Ain are now living together. But still!
The snake body makes it a little difficult to maneuver, but he manages not to slam too many doors on himself. Peeking into the rock climbing room, sensory deprivation tanks, the paint room... the rage room is intriguing. Might have to come back to that one. But for now he finds himself in the library, his tail curled up around him in a big messy heap as he frowns at the selection of books. None of these are about robots...]
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So, of course, he will eventually wiggle his way into the library with his usual smile. ]
Hello, Mister Add. It's good to see you again~. Is there something specific you're looking for? Maybe I can help.
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... which means none of them are checking for intruders, so Add jolts with an audible snap when Mizuki's voice starts ringing in his head. He fumbles the book in his hands, nearly dropping it.]
Ghck, don't sneak up on me like that! [a couple dynamos aggressively bobbing behind him like they're nodding in agreement, this is totally not his/their own fault] I was just skimming a few, it's not important.
[tucking his research topic under an arm for now...]
Things worked out with Ain... and Wolfwood, I guess. Your advice turned out to be useful, so I owe you one. [maybe he should read up on saying "thank you" to people next goddamn]
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[ He might be a little nosy and try to glance at the books he's reading, but that curiosity is quickly pushed away by what Add says. ]
Oh, that's wonderful!!! I'm really glad - I hope you all are happier now? And, my sessions are completely free, you know. There's no reason for you to "owe me". Charging anyone for my services here seems miserable, given our situations.
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Tch, I said I owe you so I owe you, alright? [please... he doesn't know how else to convey gratitude, this is hard] I do charge for my services, so enjoy the freebie while it lasts. Machines are my specialty, but I have a lot of useful skills besides that. Just tell me if you need something and I'll do it.
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Oh, that's very good to know. How are you with game consoles? I can usually troubleshoot if the problems are minor, but the major ones stump me. I'm not really an engineer or nothin', and it isn't like we have an internet search engine conveniently on hand or anything...
[before mushies]
Um- Mizuki...? Are you free right now...?
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[ She's being greeted with a hug, of course. ]
What can I do for you?
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Do... you remember in our first session, how I didn't want to talk about Shadow Milk Cookie?
I think it is time to talk about Shadow Milk Cookie.
( because hoo boy are they suddenly living together now. )
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( she'll let him lead the way, of course. )
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He takes a seat and gestures for her to flop on the couch, if she likes. ]
I'm all ears.
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... This one requires context, again- it's... very complicated?
On Earthbread, eons before my time, the Witches who created us, created a different batch of cookies. These cookies were baked to embody virtue, and to guide and protect other cookies through artifacts called Soul Jam. ... But absolute power corrupts absolutely, and- and their job was surely difficult. They corrupted and fell, becoming monsters slaughtering civilizations in days.
The Witches had no choice but to strip them of their power and seal them in a prison. They... charged another Cookie, Elder Faerie Cookie, with protecting the seal and keeping them contained, and then refined the Soul Jams into purer magic, something that had to be earned rather than bequeathed.
... Vanny, Cacao, Hollyberry Cookie, Golden Cheese Cookie and I were the ones to gain the refined Soul Jams. But the Virtues- now the Beasts- still have a fragment as well, opposite what we embody. And Shadow Milk Cookie... is the Beast of Deceit. He is Pure Vanilla Cookie's other half, and one of the Cookies trying to escape the seal.
This is a lot, I'll give you a moment.
( because she is NOT done. i'm so sorry mizuki and also rubie. )
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He's not writing anything down. Rather, he is just looking at Lily with his full attention. ]
I'm pretty good at absorbing information, no matter how strange. I hear a lot from the Firstborn.
You can continue.
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I met Elder Faerie when I was traveling, after the others established their kingdoms and their rule. I was seeking out... why we were created, and how I could make our lives better. I have... always been very weak. My dough crumbled easily, so while my bindings are partially to cover scars, they're also to keep my body from falling apart.
In this new body, it translates to a constant pain.
And I knew I was not the only one this fragile- and even the strongest cookies crumbled when wet. I could not comprehend why we were so delicate and sweet, so I wanted to meet the Witches and ask them...
... But- that's not what this is about.
Elder Faerie Cookie taught me what he could, and about the Beasts- I even helped prevent one of Shadow Milk Cookie's escape attempts, renewing and empowering the seal. While I stayed with Elder Faerie Cookie, we... became close.
... We were lovers.
( lily is quiet for a moment, closing her eyes as she inhales. it hurts, still- to her, it's only been a year. she doesn't remember the time between her death and resurrection beyond glimpses of dark enchantress's memories, and they had no time after her resurrection.
... if he saw her now... would he be disappointed in her? )
I- I died, back home. And when I was resurrected, it was with his life powder. It weakened him greatly- that's when Shadow Milk Cookie struck again, fragment of his soul breaking free and raining havoc upon the Faerie kingdom. Elder Faerie Cookie had a choice: he could die by Shadow Milk Cookie's hands directly... or he could give everything, his life, his duty, his kingdom and his power, to me.
He chose the latter.
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He certainly felt that way, too, once upon a time.
He taps his clipboard in thought for a moment. ]
And what's your thoughts on Shadow Milk now?
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the question makes her go quiet. )
... I want to hate him, like I did two months ago. I had wanted nothing to do with him, not even to do my duty as Elder Faerie had- I just wanted him out of my life so I didn't have to think about him and what he's done to my people, and what he did to Vanny anymore.
( also, she loathed that they were together- but she also knows mizuki had encouraged it. she won't be bringing that up. )
And then we were both alone. Timekeeper Cookie is... also a cookie. But she's not from our Earthbread. And- and she did not like either Vanny or Cacao.
She has been kind, but- only he could understand. ... In truth, it's probably me who's lacking, given that they had their souls bonded together.
( her grip on the stuffed animal tightens. )
... His cakehound showed up on my door, one morning after they vanished. And then Nene followed. He'd challenged the Forest, and- came out blinded and mangled.
Despite all he'd done- and all I've done in turn... I couldn't leave him alone.
... I don't know.
We live together now. He- tries to cheer me up, or comes to me for comfort. And I feel like the resentment is fading, but it shouldn't. And I can't forget the pain of Elder Faerie, of Vanny, of watching him toy with my people...
( in short: it's complicated. )
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I suppose... something about people is that... their actions and feelings are not a monolith. Minds, feelings, emotions... they're all very complicated things. [ He looks back down at Lily here. ] Environments and the people that surround a person can greatly influence these things. For example, within an environment like this, [ He gestures around, though he clearly means the Grove as a whole. ] I'm sure a lot of people have adapted in strange ways. It's likely Shadow Milk is now in an environment where he doesn't feel like he has to be the person he used to be, if that makes sense? Of course, I'm not going to say that's how it is for sure, but... it's just something to think about, I suppose?
With that said, I'm not saying that it's wrong of you to feel conflicted. The opposite. It may very well be that you're seeing this change and feeling like closure for that grief in your life is slipping away. Have you gotten the chance to talk to him about any of this?
cw: reference to recreational drug use, sex under the influence
( to one, he was a kind king, friend and lover. to the other, a traitorous ex turned warden.
someone's bitter. she doesn't blame him, but... it tends to stop attempts to talk about the past at the door. )
Anything else, we- avoid, naturally. I think the only time we were able to actually admit both of us were lonely was... um.
( give her a moment- and ignore how her cheeks flush and she hides in the stuffed animal completely. )
W-we got high recently and slept together for comfort.
But then we try to talk about it and it just- feels impossible!
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No, I've never had a problem with that.
( LILY- )
It's- very hard to decipher how I feel, and- how I'm supposed to feel?
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I do understand not being able to understand your "in the moment" feelings, though. Sometimes, not knowing is your way of putting stops to things you are hesitant or not wanting to feel. Could that be a possibility?
If you still don't know, do not worry. Not knowing is not a bad thing.